Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Newlywed Love (#41)

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March 14, 1970

Nate and I loved having company from “home,” especially when it was our closest friends. My long-term pal Lynn (we’d met as pre-teens) had begun dating a guy she’d met in Chicago some months before. Lynn and I had been together when she and Don had first connected, and “sparking” happened immediately.

Don was a career Army officer and had already been to Vietnam and back. He was a captain in charge of many other men and knew how to fly helicopters. All of this impressed Lynn and I, and Don seemed very brave. Though he was soft-spoken and humble, we’d both been in awe that night.

LynnIt wasn’t too many months before Lynn was moving to Georgia where Don was based. Thankfully, Champaign was on their route south, so they stopped at our apartment for 24 hours. Lynn and I were elated to be together again, and our men had no lack of things to talk about, having the Army in common.

That evening after dinner, we pulled out the movie projector we’d received as a wedding gift, and Nate, never having operated a projector before, left it up to me.

After several false starts, it began working, and we showed the first movie – a small reel of 50 feet – on a blank white wall.

Lynn with the reelOur Super 8 camera had been going steadily since our wedding, recording movies of everyone who came and went (along with lots of footage of ourselves). Unfortunately in trying to show the films, we often met with jam-ups and other discouraging failures.

This night, however, the first reel flowed nicely, and we howled at the people dancing around on our dining room wall. The biggest laugh, however, came when we turned the lights back on.

Movies gone badThat’s when we learned the reason for such free-flowing film. All 50 feet were in a tangled heap on the floor beneath the table.

When bedtime came, Nate suggested Lynn be on the Murphy bed and Don on the living room couch. What they did after lights out would be up to them.

Both of us were growing to love Don, and once we were settled into bed ourselves, Nate and I talked about the possibility of a marriage in their future.

Movie cameraThe next morning after breakfast it was time to say goodbye. Nate got the movie camera clicking, and we hoped they’d be back to see the developed film sooner rather than later.

But after they pulled away I slipped my hand into Nate’s and said, “I have a funny feeling Lynn will never be back.” Knowing I was having a sad thought, he put his arm around me and squeezed tight.

As we stood looking down the road where Lynn and Don had disappeared, I thought about the many rapid changes coming to us and to many of our friends. Watching Lynn leave was unsettling. But I knew my dear friend was on the same romantic high I’d been on in 1969 just before Nate and I got engaged. Because of that, she wasn’t sad at all.

So…. how could I be anything but happy for her?

“May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you.” (Numbers 6:24-25)

Newlywed Love (#36)

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February 24, 1970

As the weeks of our marriage passed, Nate and I continued to enjoy each other to the fullest. But there was one thing about being married and living far from family and friends that I really missed: time with girlfriends.

With Mary downtownI especially missed my sister Mary (left), but also Lynn, Connie, Julie, my 3 apartment roommates, and my team teacher in Chicago. Though I’d been living and working in Champaign for more than 6 months and loved my job and our little apartment, it hit me that getting married and leaving town had eliminated most of my girlfriend-time.

As I wrote in my journal, “I’m no longer living the frolicsome life of an independent apartment-dweller in the big city. I’m no longer a free agent.”

But as I learned in the months leading up to our wedding, saying yes to marriage meant saying no to other things. And anytime-freedom to be with friends was one of those things.

By marrying Nate, I had chosen to put him first from then on, and I very much wanted to do that. It might take a lifetime to learn to love him in the no-holds-barred way he loved me, but I was committed to trying.

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

The full truth was that as we got married, we were putting a cornerstone into place that would end up being the foundation on which a new household (and maybe a family) would gradually be built – the home of Nathan and Margaret Nyman. Through the years many other stones would be added to that first one, which would end up to be the structure of our lives.

Every idea either of us had from then on needed to pass a test: Is this something that will tear down or build up our household? If we answered honestly each time and made decisions accordingly, we could be sure our home and the relationships inside of it would stand the test of time.

So where did that leave me with my girlfriends? If I spent more time thinking about, talking to, going out with friends than with my husband, small cracks would develop in our foundation. Both of us wanted our relationship to thrive – and to be #1. And we’d been told that marriages suffer when outside interests and people gobble up too much time.

And so, concerning my friends “back home,” Nate and I hashed it out honestly and got all our feelings on the table. Our conclusion was that once in a while both of us could spend time and energy on relationships apart from each other. But we’d have to be very careful. And the other person’s opinion would have to matter.

Jesus as CornerstoneThen we prayed, asking God to superimpose his desires over our own whenever we might be doing harm to our marriage, sometimes even without knowing it.

As always, Nate came down on the side of lots of freedom for me, and just knowing he felt that way helped reinforce my desire to keep him as my top priority.

“Invite your friends to Champaign any time you want,” he said, “and they’ll always be welcome.”

I wrote in my journal:

“It seems so fresh being married to Nate. We talk about everything and also never miss our daily devotional time and prayer together. I think that’s doing the trick for us.”

But of course there was no trick. It was actually Jesus the Cornerstone who was part of the conversation and was keeping all the issues straight.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I lay…. a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic.” (Isaiah 28:16)

Newlywed Love (#35)

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February 20, 1970

It was a treat to drive the “new” Mustang to school with Judy and Linda. Judy drove one week, and I drove the next. Our car was performing well and had a comfortable ride. Roads continued to be a problem, though, with lots of winter snow, and at the end of each day, we were thankful for no mishaps.

Icy.What neither Linda nor I knew, however, was how stressful the driving was for Judy, someone who was raised in Hawaii and had no experience driving on snowy highways. She didn’t have a natural sense of caution in slippery conditions and had never been in a spin or a slide.

 

Our 40 mile trip from Champaign to Danville each day was mostly driven at high speeds on I-74, a well-traveled expressway. And with such a snowy winter, it was inevitable we’d one day have an incident — which we did.

It was early morning, and the three of us were on our way to school. Judy was driving when we hit a bad patch of ice, causing the car to start a spin. It went all the way around and then some, finally coming to a stop – in the middle of I-74 facing oncoming traffic.

Icy road safetyThis was a moment of panic, especially for poor Judy, but God was watching over us. A businessman motoring behind us pulled to the shoulder, wanting to help. Apparently he had witnessed our spin and realized we were still in danger. He got out of his car and directed Judy as she worked to turn her car around on the ice and move out of harm’s way.

Thankfully it was early morning, and traffic was light. Our good Samaritan watched for cars, putting himself at risk, and made sure we were all ok before continuing on his own commute.

When we had sufficiently recovered, I asked Judy if she wanted me to drive the rest of the way to school. She was relieved, and accepted the offer.

Having driven in many Illinois winters, I had plenty of ice-and-snow experience, along with a few of my own spin-outs. But doing a 360+ on this treacherous highway had been sobering for me, too, so I proceeded with caution.

After the school day, when I arrived home and told Nate of our “adventure,” he responded with fatherly concern for our safety and offered to drive us to school after that. But of course such a favor was unworkable. I did appreciate his protective response, though.

Love.“If anything happened to you,” he said, “I don’t think I could go on.” And sitting together that evening turned out to be extra special. I was twice-warmed…. from the glow of our fireplace and the warmth of Nate’s love.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)