Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Newlywed Love (#17)

Posted on by

January 2, 1970

Nate's familyNate’s parents had said goodbye to half of their children when Nate officially left home to marry me. I hadn’t given that much thought, since the Nymans had so readily embraced me, but it’s possible that was a difficult moment for their nuclear family. My family had already let Mary go, so when it was my turn, the transition was easier.

In the early days of January, a letter arrived from Aunt Joyce – who advised me wisely on that exact matter just as it was occurring to me. Surely that was God’s timing, since I hadn’t asked for her counsel on it.

She wrote:

I’m sure Nate’s folks must have a sort of “gone feeling” when the son takes unto himself a wife. Knowing you, I’m sure you will make it up to them 100-fold.

Aunt Joyce's letter.

I determined to write to my new mother-in-law often and include her in our plans whenever possible.

Aunt Joyce also wrote:

By the way, Nate gets a 100% vote of approval! We can hardly wait to know him better! We’re so happy for you.

She went on to say how much she enjoyed “every minute” of our wedding and then paid me a nice compliment. You behaved like a million dollars in some very tight situations. (She must have been referencing those pesky table skirt debates.)

Every line of her letter was filled with wisdom. She even hinted there might be times of friction in our future when she wrote:

Count on my prayers for you both as you enter this new and exciting chapter of your lives. I’m sure you will find more growth and meaning in your Lord and in your marriage as you find yourself insufficient, than in the times when you are on top, as it were.

Aunt Joyce's letter

Of course at that time, one month married, neither Nate nor I could figure out what she meant by insufficient, but we were glad she was praying for us and happy to know we’d be “on top” some of the time.

She ended her letter by saying:

Aunt Joyce and Uncle EdwardI’m so proud to be related to you! And we love you both. When are you coming to California?

We were thankful for Aunt Joyce for lots of reasons, and she gave us one more at our wedding. She and Uncle Edward bought us a color TV! Even Mom and Dad didn’t have one of those.

“Eat honey, for it is good, and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste. In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future.” (Proverbs 24:13-14)

Newlywed Love (#16)

Posted on by

December 31, 1969

As 1969 moved into 1970, Nate and I quietly brought in the New Year alone-together, in our little apartment, satisfied to be tucked away rather than at a party, a fireworks display, or even a church service. Life would pick up speed soon enough, starting with Nate’s January finals in law school.

Nate retrieving firewoodOn New Year’s Eve, we had our supper on the floor in front of a cozy fire and recounted all that had happened in the year now ending.

He and I had gone from pen pals into a dating relationship, to an engagement, and then into marriage. I’d left my teaching post in Chicago as well as my apartment and roommates, and he’d finished his commitment as a dorm counselor at the university.

I had said goodbye to friends and family, then moved to Champaign. He’d moved from dorm room to rented room to our apartment. I’d driven a Corvair, then a Corvette, and then had no wheels at all. He’d gotten his first car, a VW.

I began teaching a grade level I knew nothing about, and he’d put another year of law school under his belt. With all this going on, to bring in the New Year with gentleness seemed just right.

Back in Wilmette, Dad was moving through his last workday on the 31st, before his official retirement. He was 70 years old and had dropped one weekday of work each year for five years, retiring in a slow and orderly manner. He and his partner, another Mr. Johnson, had built a Chicago engineering/architectural firm from the ground up, nurturing it from just the two of them into 250 draftsmen with building projects all over the country.

Dad at his deskTheir firm had designed and built everything from churches to factories and had had a successful run. We were all proud of him. Coming from an immigrant family where no English had been spoken till Dad enrolled in school at age 6, he had done well. And it was time to rest.

I had asked if he was nervous about that last day, wishing he could work a while longer, but he had said it was just the opposite – “time to get out of the rat race.” I was glad for him. He’d even married off his “wild” daughter to a stable man, which must have helped his new sense of freedom. I had put him through his paces, especially as a teen, and was grateful that after all our “wars,” he still loved me.

Winter beauity.As for Mom, she wrote in her diary:

It’s so beautiful. I stood by the window and cried. Snow falling – colored lights on evergreen. O God! Your gift!

I think she was referring to Jesus having come to earth, but it could have just been a sense of overall wellbeing.

 

Mom's emotions

And I had to agree with her. Life was indeed beautiful, nearly to the point of tears, and oh so full.

 

“…. pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)

Newlywed Love (#13)

Posted on by

December 27, 1969

Mother-in-law LoisSpending Christmas with my in-laws and then Nate’s was a good plan. Although we’d had mild opposition from both sets of parents about setting our wedding date months previously, there had never been any resistance about who each of us had chosen to marry.

I felt complete acceptance from the Nymans (right, with Nate’s mother; below, Nate with his father), and Nate knew he was welcomed by the Johnsons.

 

Nate and red jacketThis cheerful approval was quite different, at least on my side, from what I’d experienced while dating my non-Christian boyfriend. Although Mom and Dad had always been kind to him when he was in their home, privately it was another story.

 

Dad, especially, had been concerned about the possibility of me committing to a partnership that would be “unequally yoked,” as the Bible put it in the King James Version. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Both parents and nearly everyone else in my circle of friends had seen clearly that this boyfriend and I were not unified in our core beliefs, the important values that would control all the opinions and decisions of the future…. for both of us. Even Mary and Bervin, always encouraging, had advised us to break up.

During those 18 months of dating, Dad would often wait up for me when I came in from a date, even when I arrived home at 2:30 or 3:00 AM. When I saw the light upstairs, I knew he would be waiting in my room with a frown and a lecture.

Often these tense conversations included the warning that if I committed to this boy, I would be unhappy long-term. And to back up his arguments, Dad would often leave pamphlets and articles in my room about the difficulty of marriage between a believer and a non-believer.

I felt terrible guilt about causing Mom and Dad such angst as I continued to date this boy, but hadn’t been enough to stop me. It was only the arrival of another girl that became God’s way of convicting me to leave him.

Now, though, after having married a man my parents respected and would have chosen for me themselves, everything was different. Being with my family was marked by easy acceptance. And it included light…. and laughter.

Nate’s and my relationship made them glad, which then nourished both of us. And since I’d known the opposite reality, my satisfaction during our Christmas visit was considerable.

Passing out gifts(Right, Mom distributes presents)

All of us exchanged simple gifts while we were together, but the most valuable one Nate and I received was the love and acceptance of both sets of in-laws – a gift that would matter on every holiday to follow, throughout the years.

“Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” (Romans 15:7)