Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Newlywed Love (#12)

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December 24-25, 1969

Nate and I were much like many other young couples. The holidays found us traveling to spend time with both sides of the newly-joined extended family. With our schools on Christmas break, we had plenty of time to clock the necessary miles and were looking forward to reconnecting with our folks and others.

VW hatchback.We decided to spend Christmas Eve with Nate’s family and Christmas Day with mine, driving a large triangle with its sides measuring 137, 209, and 156 miles respectively. And we didn’t mind. Traveling along in his little VW gave us uninterrupted chat-time during which we dreamed out loud about our rosy future together.

As we drove, we talked about marriage “so far,” all 3½ weeks of it. Later, summarizing our conversation in my journal I wrote,

I’m amazed at how great an understanding Nate has of women and their needs, having had no sisters. He’s a psychological genius to me, especially in terms of my moods and responses. He always wants to see things from my side as well as his own, before making any decisions.

As the miles clicked away, I thanked Nate for working hard to understand me as a girl…. and also for the attitude of gratitude he championed whenever we were together. For example, since before we’d been married, he had thanked me for every single meal I’d made, whether it was a success or a failure. He thanked me for continuing to try at cooking and bought me two cook books in an effort to help.

He thanked me for cleaning the apartment – every time – even if I had only cleaned the bathroom sink. And he offered to share household chores, thanking me for letting him help.

He expressed appreciation when I did his laundry and thanked me for folding it. He thanked me for loving him and thanked me often for being willing to marry him.

Christmas EveAll of this gratitude had established a sweet tone in our little home, and my natural response was to look for ways to thank him back. I often felt gratitude but wasn’t good at getting those thoughts out of my head and delivered to him. But he wasn’t keeping track.

As for me, I was sort of keeping track – at least enough to know Nate was way ahead of me. If ever there was someone looking out for the interests of another ahead of his own, it was him. And as we covered those 500 miles over Christmas, I realized how truly fortunate I was to have him for my husband.

In my heart I knew it was God who was behind the whole thing, guiding me to finally give my heart to Nate many months ago and then to say yes to his proposal. And I needed to thank Him for that every single day.

“Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.” (Psalm 118:29)

Newlywed Love (#11)

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December 22, 1969

High boy furnitureMuch to our delight, my friend Julie’s bedroom furniture arrived at our apartment a few days before Christmas. These 7 good-looking pieces transformed our bedroom from a hollow, echoing shell to a place of warmth and affection. The showy satinwood of which the furniture was made included delicate, inlaid pictures so intricate we wondered how any craftsman could have made them – back in the 1920’s!

Julie’s grandma had had the furniture custom-made out of wood from Australia, telling Julie the process had taken many months. The furniture had been her grandma’s pride and joy, but now grandma was gone, and Julie needed a place to store it until she could use it herself.

JulieSince Julie (left) was about to depart the USA for a career with Campus Crusade for Christ in Germany, she had no use for furniture. Nevertheless, it was generous and gracious of her to let us “store” it, knowing it could be at risk for damage.

Each piece of furniture was topped with a quarter-inch sheet of glass that reflected light in surprising ways, sometimes decorating our plain walls with stunning rainbows.

As several moving men hoisted all of it to our 3rd floor apartment, Nate and I watched in amazement, complimenting them lavishly on bringing everything to its destination without damage. Transporting slabs of glass took more effort than just the usual. We didn’t realize until later that these guys were probably expecting a hefty tip. At least I gave them each a drink of water.

After they’d gone, I couldn’t wait to paw through our wedding gifts for a set of brand new bed sheets. Unlike with our Murphy bed, everything would match this time.

A made bedPure white seemed appropriate in view of all the “pure” activities that would take place in the new/old bed. And once it was neatly made, the only fitting thing to do was for both of us to joyfully jump in and mess it all up.

 “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

Newlywed Love (#8)

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December 17, 1969

Although our mailbox wasn’t as full as during pre-wedding days, Nate faithfully checked it. I loved receiving occasional letters from Mary, Mom, and others who kept me current with the news of family and friends back home.

One day, after I’d hiked up the stairs at the end of a long work day, Nate and I greeted each other warmly as always – but then he said, “Interesting mail today.”

“From who?” I said.

With a serious expression he turned to get the letter, handing it to me while keeping his eyes on my face. Immediately I recognized the writing — my old boyfriend.

Although it was addressed to both of us, Nate had chosen not to open it.

“I have no idea what it is,” I said, “but you can open it if you want.”

“No thanks,” he said.

When I was still dating this guy, I was also exchanging letters with Nate, and he knew about the relationship from before it began until after it ended 18 months later. I often asked “my friend Nate” for advice about how to handle conflict with “my boyfriend,” and through that time Nate never said a negative word about him.

Instead, he gave his objective opinions, absent of any pressure on me to break it off, though that’s what he was hoping for. He gave me the freedom to choose while praying passionately that God would turn my heart toward him.

As I held this unexpected letter in a hand that was slightly trembling, I looked up at my young husband and saw something new in his face: anger. Not toward me but toward the letter and its author.

Wanting to reassure him I said, “If you want to, we can just throw it away without opening it.”

“No.” he said, “Let’s see what he wants.”

LetterI opened the envelope and began reading aloud, struggling with a tightness in my throat. “I’d like to be friends with both of you,” he wrote. “So I’m inviting you to my New Year’s Eve party. It’ll be at my house – Dec. 31, of course.”

He wrote about a new beginning and gave the details of the party, ending with, “Hope to see you there!”

Nate didn’t say a word, but his thoughts were all over his face. He waited for me to speak.

I handed the letter back to him and said, “I have absolutely zero interest in having a relationship with him, or attending his party. I hope I never see him again in my whole life.”

Nate’s expression relaxed a bit and he encircled me in a strong hug. Though I still felt shaky, I was sure everything was going to work out right. Together we composed a brief response with a “no” for the RSVP, clearly stating we weren’t interested in pursuing friendship.

I love you.Later as we walked to the mailbox, we talked further about the letter and the possibility of other outside influences coming from all kinds of places with potential to harm our marriage. And we decided then and there that we would be intentional about fending them all off…. together.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)