Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Young Love (#14)

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Nate was gaining in confidence and brought up the subject of introducing me to his parents. I was a little nervous about this, since it felt like I was being nudged into a new level of commitment I hadn’t yet made.

It was nice that he seemed proud of me and was sure his folks would like me. But I didn’t want to give them (or Nate) the wrong impression. By no means was I “all in.”

hmmmHiding beneath the exciting reality of dating two great guys at once was a deep wound that still hadn’t healed – the upsetting split from my old boyfriend 4 months previously. It was continuing to fester and cause pain, and I still thought about him every day. The bottom line was, I didn’t want to commit to anyone new, fearing another broken heart.

Feb. 18, 1969 – Dear Meg. I am really beginning to need you emotionally and spiritually. Sudden desires to be with you possess me. I can’t get the times we’ve spent together out of my mind. Being with you is enough. Walking, talking, eating, watching T.V., even studying. But being together causes some very, very painful goodbyes. “Precious” is the word describing your letters… and you.

Feb. 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m beginning to realize that you and I are playing with fire as far as our feelings go. Either one of us could get heartbroken, but I’m trying to remain open-minded. And since we’ve signed our relationship over to the Lord, I can’t think he would give either of us any grief too great to gracefully bear. As I’m writing this, I’m feeling something for you that’s very close to love. But oh, the uncertainty of feelings! It frightens me!

hershey-kissFeb. 22, 1969 – Dear Meg. I am savoring your chocolate kiss now. I took it off the package wrapping and saved it until I got home. You’re beautiful and I love you. I am keeping my feelings in check so I won’t get hurt, but I want you to give me an indication if there’s any change in your feelings. And when the time is right, I can then uncheck my feelings.

Feb. 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. Little by little I hope the scariness of all this will dissipate. One thing I really want you to know is that I appreciate you telling me there is no pressure on me to make a decision right now. You are a most kind and considerate man. I am lucky to know you.

rFeb. 25, 1969 – Dear Meg. I wish I could hug you now! And that’s pretty passionate at 10 AM after an hour of Constitutional Law! That soft skin… I think of you through class and at many other times. Here in Champaign, the lid is ready to blow off things. Last night $55,000 worth of card catalogues were burned at the library. But now I have to go and get ready for ROTC drill. I love you. Love, Nate.

“Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in him, and he will act.” (Psalm 37:5)

Young Love (#8)

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Life bounced along at a happy pace through Christmas, as I enjoyed the attentions of one long-distance guy and another up-close one. Both relationships were moving forward, and I didn’t see any potential conflict. I even entertained thoughts of what it might be like to be married to one or the other, but didn’t try to choose.

It had been a year since I’d seen Nate, and as Dec. 27 approached, I grew more and more excited…

…until an unexpected phone call knocked me for a loop.

getting-readyIt was Dec. 26, the day before Nate was to arrive, and when I picked up the phone, my heart stopped. It was my old boyfriend. Though it had been 9 weeks since our traumatic break-up, when I heard his voice, I melted. He asked if I might want to get together that evening, just as “friends,” and in a swirl of confused but lovely feelings, I said yes.

Since there are no letters written about that night, I’ll quote from my journal:

Dec. 26, 1968 – We went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, and it was just like old times – beautiful. Since we were now “good friends,” he was eager to tell me about his new girlfriend. As he confided in me, I had all I could do to keep my jealous feelings in check. I had to silently pray for constant support.

He told me they were making plans to move in together. Though I knew I shouldn’t have been wounded by that news (after all, we were broken up), it absolutely crushed me.

But after he was done mentioning “her,” I enjoyed every minute, relishing the time with him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He told me he’d have to leave my house by 1:00 AM that night, but at 3:30 we were still talking. When we finally hugged goodbye, it felt good to be wrapped in his arms again. He told me he still “liked me a lot” and hoped we could have many more get-togethers. He left close to 4:00 AM.

I don’t feel much like seeing Nate tomorrow. I’ll have to really work at it. I’ve just got to get a positive attitude before then, or it’ll flop badly.

broken-heartDec. 27, 1968 – Nate comes today, but this morning all I can think about is (my old boyfriend). But I figured out that his new girlfriend is the one factor preventing me from going back to him and laying my heart at his feet, which would be an utter fatality. So, I see that she is the Lord’s answer to my prayers, His preventive medicine for me, and I absolutely must swallow it. It’s agony! But it’s 100% effective…

“This is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him.” (1 John 5:14-15)

Young Love (#7)

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The count-down was on for a visit from Nate after Christmas. My non-dating, long-distance relationship with him became convoluted, though, when another suitor, this one from my church, began including me in his weekend rallies with Campus Crusade. He was spiritually deep, and I enjoyed getting to know him without the slightest twinge of guilt about Nate. After all, neither he nor I had made a commitment to each other, though it was obvious he wanted one. This friend and I began sitting in church together and taking long walks along Chicago’s lakefront. But I thought it best not to mention it in my letters to Nate.

lotsa-lettersDec. 13, 1968 – Dear Nate. Here’s a question for you: did you used to call me “Meg” in words or just in writing? I forgot. (Actually, writing is words, I know, but you know what I mean.)

Dec. 16, 1968 – I called you “Meg” in my letters and in person. Can you tell that it’s pretty obvious I would like to make a go of it with you? I could drive up from Champaign more often if we had a more serious relationship. Being alone with you sounds good. Actually double good.

Dec. 19, 1968 – Nate, thank you for your nice letter. I read it 4 times, smiling through all 4 readings. (And now I’ll bet you’re wondering what you wrote!) It was very complimentary. But maybe it was just my mood. By the way, are you Swedish? I told my family you are coming after Christmas, and they began discussing your name, Nyman. Dad held to his opinion that it was Swedish. I didn’t think so, but added that you do have blond hair.

coffeeDec. 22, 1968 – Dear Meg. Yes, I am of Swedish descent. My great-grandfather, Peter Swan Nyman, came from Southern Sweden to the U.S. in the 1860’s. He was a clockmaker. Granny has an old picture of him; he has a mustache that looks like the Kaiser’s. She also has a huge Swedish Bible published in 1762, which he brought with him from Sweden. You spoke of my blond hair as a Swedish trait. Here’s another…. I like coffee.

Dec. 22, 1968 – Dear Nate. I don’t owe you a letter yet, but I’m writing anyway. I want to tell you something. Tonight after church we had a party for about 35 kids, ages 19-25. They stayed until 1:30 AM, and I was co-hostess. I was kept busy serving food, instructing in games, pouring coffee, but at one point had a quiet moment to observe everyone having a good time. And before I knew it, my thoughts were with you. I wished you were among the guests, because I wanted to talk to you. That’s all.

Dec. 23, 1968 – When I returned from Army Drill, exhausted and cold, I found your note in the mailbox. It warmed me! You’re the best little Svenska flicka! Many times I’ve thought how much I’d like to have you down here as a student so we could see each other often. A very close and natural relationship would develop.

God’s wisdom… “gives knowledge and discretion to the young.” (Proverbs 1:4)