When our son Nelson was 19 months, we moved him from the nursery to a different bedroom because another baby was on the way. But he was still little, so we put him in a second crib. In short order, though, he learned to climb out, and after being tucked in each night, refused to stay put. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs, he was usually right behind us.
This dilemma changed from being cute to exasperating, and eventually we decided to gate him in his room. That worked for about 10 minutes until he learned to scale the gate. Nate made a trip to the store for a second gate, and with one above the other, we finally penned him in.
But rather than surrender quietly, Nelson used his room as a giant playpen, emptying drawers, pulling them out to use as ladders, removing sheets, tearing pages out of books. When he tired of playing, he’d fall asleep at the door, often with an arm and a leg outside the gate.
No one likes to be locked in a cage, whether it’s physical or emotional, but sometimes confinement is positive.
I read of an experiment at a big-city grade school that bordered a busy street. During recess children played only near the school building, fearful of fast-moving cars. After a fence was built, the children took advantage of the entire playground. They even played near the fence, just inches from dangerous traffic.
Little Nelson saw his “bars” as a prison. The school children viewed theirs as freedom. Why the difference?
It’s probably a control issue. We told Nelson, “You must stay in your room.” There was no negotiating, and his determination to get out was the result of a desire to buck the system.
The school children were told, “You can play anywhere on the playground.” There were no restrictions. When they hovered near the building, it was because they chose it. When the “bars” went up, they were relieved.
Many people reject religion because they see it as a set of non-negotiable rules that take the fun out of life. But if they understood that God’s structure protects them from harm, they might view it as a relief.
God is the one who gave us free will in the first place. We can fight against his rules or submit to them, believing his fences actually bring freedom. Within his boundaries, he gives us unlimited choices, but doing things our own way just to buck the system is foolish.
No toddler understands the importance of going to bed at night. But if we would have taken down Nelson’s gates and let him fall asleep wherever he chose, he might have even chosen his bed.
“The trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.” (Romans 7:14)
