Back when I was “eliminating and concentrating” my possessions, I needed to find new homes for over 50 pieces of decorative glass. The neighborhood consignment shop, a charity outlet, and willing friends factored into placing these items, but one piece went someplace special.
A glass purse I loved [like this picture but in cobalt blue] was about 6″ high and had clear glass handles. At our local bank, one of the tellers collected glass handbags and shared them with the rest of us by arranging them along the bank’s customer counter.
I wondered if she’d like my cobalt purse and decided to take it on my next visit to the bank. I stuffed the glass purse into my leather one but then had second thoughts. “What if her collection was given by a mother or grandmother and was based in sentimentality? What if she didn’t want any more purses? What if she said, ‘No thanks’? What if she wasn’t at work that day?”
But after tiring of my negative back-and-forth, I decided to ditch my worries and give it to her, even if it turned out badly. Waiting at her teller station surrounded by pretty purses, I felt funny. Others were standing behind me, watching. When she finally came, I nudged my glass purse toward her and sheepishly said, “Is there room for one more?”
She gasped with delight and clapped her hands together, then threw them both in the air. Picking it up carefully as if it were an injured baby bird she said, “Oh my goodness! It’s absolutely gorgeous! Really? Oh my word! Thank you!”
On and on she lavished praise on my little offering and on me, and I felt like a kindergartener who’d just become student of the week. Walking to the car I thought back to my negative self-talk and felt ashamed. How silly to have worried over her reaction.
Mary reminded me later of a quote from George Sweeting: “Never suppress a generous impulse.” I like that, because it’s a clean-cut way to make a quick decision without the stress of second-guessing.
So what was behind my wishy-washy self-talk? The answer can only be pride. I was nervous about what she (and others) would think of me. I was afraid of being embarrassed or rejected. And I wanted to be approved of, as a gift-giver.
God clearly states the dangers of prideful thinking:
- Pride leads to disgrace…
- Pride leads to conflict…
- Pride is followed by destruction…
- Pride ends in humiliation…
When I returned to the bank the next time, I used the drive-thru. “My” teller was managing the vacuum tubes, and when she saw me, she thanked me again for the purse. By her kind response, she underscored Pastor Sweeting’s excellent advice: never suppress a generous impulse.
(Above: Proverbs 11:2, 13:10, 16:18, 29:23, New Living Translation)
Tomorrow: Celebrating the end of chemo, by Mary
