Category Archives: God’s timing

Timing… Whose is it?

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There are easy days and there are hard days, but the main thing I’ve learned over and over is that you won’t know in advance what type of day you’ll get. I’ve had days that start off good and by the end, I’m at the ICU. Not easy but reality for me lately.

So many times I’ve made plans to be somewhere or meet with someone only to cancel them and end up on the sidelines in some way. This is a reality that hasn’t been easy for me to adjust to. BUT, it’s one of the teachings I’ve read in the Bible all my life, 

“Don’t worry about tomorrow, today has enough trouble of its own.” Ain’t that the truth? It’s one thing to read it. 

It’s quite another to realize it’s actual value and live it out in real life. 

There are things on our schedule like our house closing October 26. We go to church small group Thursday nights and attend a service on Sunday morning. We enjoy those things and want them to happen, but if they turn out to be impossible, then so be it. 

Right now, Annso and Will are in Germany. She had planned on going in January depending on my health but her Grandmother had a resurgence of cancer so Annso, her Mom, and little Will went over on Monday. For me, a trip like that would have been fun, but probably too risky. I’ve been doing better than ever, so the timing is good for her to be gone and I was able to get my Mom to come up from Michigan and hang out with “her oldest” in the meantime. My Mom (Margaret) on the right and Annso’s (Astrid) on the left.

 

As it turns out, Annso’s grandmother passed away just before they arrived in Germany so they were not able to introduce her to her one and only great-grandchild.

It’s a bummer. That’s what her family has said over and over,

“Oh how she would have loved to meet little Will.” 

Be that as it may, it’s still good they made it, can be a comfort in this time of grief and loss, and are introducing the baby to everyone else. 

Having a little guy around is such a blessing because he doesn’t understand cancer or death and keeps a lighter vibe going for us here in Rochester and for the bereaved over in Germany.


We wonder about God’s timing and lots of the time, it’s not what I would choose, but we work with what we get.

I often wonder why I got cancer at almost the exact moment I had my first and only son. Why in the world did those to major life events happen at the exact same time? Not what I would have chosen, but the way it went.

It helps to know we are not as “in control” as we would like to be and that’s freeing in a way. If my health went downhill, Annso would be on a flight back in a day, but for now, I’m enjoying some time with my Mom while Annso enjoys her family and shows off our new “charge”. 

We pray for favor and guidance but know that the timing is ultimately in God’s hands. 

27 “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 

34 …Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:27, 34

Back on the Wagon

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Monday I resumed taking the Mekinist / Tafinlar chemo-combo. It amounts to 1 of the Mechanist every other morning and 1 Kafinlar every morning and every night. The last time I was at the ER, I was told, “These are heavy duty drugs. It’s no wonder you have side effects like you do.” 

The thing is: I had 5 weeks with minimal fallout and at the end there, I had 103 degree fevers, headaches, and extreme fatigue. But the other thing is: the pills are killing this cancer like nobody’s business. 

Annso and I are a good team and God is asking something very different from me than from her. She does 90% of the work with our little baby boy and helping me and I pretty much try to exist and follow the doc’s orders as far as rest, pills, and overexerting myself. 

When I started back on the pills the fever came back right away.

I was hoping it would take a few weeks like it did the first time around. I take Tylenol for it but it’s a far cry from actually handling the headaches and fever. Just takes the edge off a little. 

I ask myself, “Can I do this for 6 weeks straight, a week off then another 6 weeks, then evaluate?” There’s always the chance the symptoms back off and that’s what we’re banking on, but who knows. There are no guarantees. But for me, I really have no choice if I want to live. Cancer is still all over my body and would surge back with a vengeance without this treatment.

The other day I saw an embroidered plaque on the wall at the clinic that said, “Fighting since 2007.” I got a queasy feeling in my stomach when I read it. Wow. Fighting for 15 years. Fighting like I am right now for that long… good grief.

On the one hand, that person was probably delivered a death sentence like me… 2-5 years tops and now they’ve been at it for 15. 

I think that’s why God doesn’t tell us the future. We are capable of far more than we think (with his help of course) if we don’t know what’s coming. 

It seems like forever since we moved to Rochester, but like they say with raising kids, “The days are long but the years are short.”

The days do drag on when I feel like this, but I’m thankful we have the solution and IT’S WORKING. I need God like never before and Annso would tell you the same. She just went on her second walk of the day with little Will in that baby carrier just to keep from going crazy. 

I did the first, but wasn’t up for the second. 

We jumped in at a great church with both feet. 

One of my doctors invited me while I laid in the hospital. 

We have small group and meetings with others who have suffered and overcome like me. Those are some of the biggest helps.

Also, many of the things I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous come in handy. 

“One day at a time.” 

“You won’t always feel the way you do today.”

All we can do is keep on duckin’ and swingin’.

Thank you all for your prayers. We need them now more than ever! 

A Moment of Truth

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As Nelson wrote in his last blog post, he’s looking forward to the scans that are scheduled to happen this Wednesday. It will have been six weeks since he started taking the immunotherapy pills (two each day), and the upcoming scans will be a moment of truth: Are the pills working or not?

In recent days Nelson has been feeling almost like his old self, breathing well without extra oxygen, cutting back on the pain pills, sleeping less, and dealing with only mild nausea. But as is true of this cancer, no matter how good he feels, there’s always a new crisis quietly brewing in the background.

On Friday, September 16, he, Ann Sophie, and Will drove the 80 miles to Luke’s house to spend a quiet weekend away from the apartment and from all things medical. But during the night, Nelson spiked a fever (102.7) accompanied by chills so powerful he shook all over. His oxygen slipped to 80 with a heartbeat of 160.

 On Saturday, the high fever and chills returned, prompting them to call back to Mayo’s for a doctor’s opinion. Their advice was for Nelson to head for the ER…again. So they left Luke’s in a rush, and he was checked into Emergency by late afternoon.

It was another nine hours before doctors finished all their tests and had the results in hand. Since his numbers seemed to be where they’ve been recently, many in the normal range, they weren’t sure what was causing the fevers, chills, fast heart, and low oxygen.

A thousand mg of Tylenol brought the fever down, but they hesitated to let him go without a reason for his symptoms. They did have a couple of ideas, though. The doctor told Nelson, “These pills you’re taking (immunotherapy) are hard core drugs.” In other words, it’s possible the weeks of taking them have accumulated somehow to now cause his body to react negatively.

Their other idea was that his cutting back on the opioids might be causing the same withdrawal symptoms as any addictive drug would cause.

Nelson hoped not to be admitted to the hospital again, and though the doctor suggested an overnight stay for monitoring, he chose instead to head home. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Today the fever and other symptoms have returned, and though Ann Sophie urged him to return to the ER, Nelson wanted to battle it out at home. They did call the doctor, who suggested they “pause” the immunotherapy pills for now. Nelson has four appointments at the Clinic this week, and as always, the medical staff will be current on all that’s occurred in these last couple of days.

While these new negative developments hang over Nelson and Ann Sophie, they did get some good news at the ER. A scan showed that the initial tumor, the one that has been causing Nelson to cough till he wretched, has shrunk by nearly half. We like to think that surely those powerful little pills are, indeed, beginning to overwhelm the cancer. His coughing has almost completely stopped.

Another plus is that his severe neck pain of a couple of weeks ago is gradually improving. They don’t know conclusively if it was a broken bone or cancer in the spine, but whatever it was, it’s been able to heal itself. This is refreshing news.

And so we await this week’s appointments, hoping for new hope—and a very positive moment of truth.

“Be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might.” (Ephesians 6:10)