Category Archives: Grandparenting

A Good Deal

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Many people say the human race is basically good. Though the Bible says otherwise, I do believe we’re all born with a desire to love and be loved, so maybe we could call that a bit of goodness.

Karl.Both bad and good are evident in young children as they play, snatching toys one minute and planting kisses the next. But because I believe each child is personally created by God, and because God is love, even babies know when someone loves them. They feel it through touch, voice, warmth, full tummies, and quiet environments.

My sister Mary has 9 grandchildren (Karl, left, is one of them), and so do I. We love all 18 of them and try to stay current with each one. Their 18 birthdays are on both of our calendars, and we pray regularly for them. Despite all that, though, most of our grands live far away from us and each other, which means the youngest tend to forget between visits, especially who the great aunt is.

But then there’s that beautiful moment when they finally remember.

???????????????????????????????Last weekend it happened to me with 5 year old Karl. We’d just celebrated his birthday and were all outside playing when suddenly he bounded up the porch steps and plunked down at my side, leaning into me for an extended cuddle with his head pressed against my cheek.

While nuzzling me like a contended kitty he said, “You’re a perfect ‘nother grandma that I will love, too!”

He grabbed my arm and held it tightly around him for quite some time. Those witnessing this got a kick out of it as much as I did, and his papa, Luke, snapped a picture. It was an example of love rising to the surface and bubbling over.

Thinking of this in relation to God, it’s astounding that he “bubbles over” with love for each of us much like little Karl did for me. There’s only one difference: with God it isn’t just an occasionally-inspired moment but the theme of his existence. And when You are love, You love every second.

If I had responded coolly to Karl, nudging him away, he would have been hurt, and our budding relationship would have suffered a set-back. The same holds true with the Lord. He’s longing to show love in countless ways, but we often prefer him to be an arm’s length away. I don’t know if this wounds him, but surely it’s a relationship set-back.

KarlAs for Karl, I don’t know if he’ll remember the tender moment we shared when I see him next, but if he doesn’t, I plan on reminding him, so we can pick up right where we left off.

“God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5)

 

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Thanking God that the wave of nausea after infusion #3 has finally subsided.
  2. Thanking God for my prayer groups and the strong friendships linked through prayer.
  3. Please pray I will have an attitude of gratitude for the many blessings in my life.

Eager Expectations

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???????????????????????????????Last week I took 18 month old Emerald to the beach, and though she’d been there last year as a baby, this time everything was new again. She experimented with different size shovels, enjoyed the toys we’d brought, and worked hard to stay upright on a steep dune. Best of all, though, was touching the sand.

She spent at least 15 minutes picking up fistfuls and rubbing it between her fingers, feeling its texture, watching it fall. Every so often she’d squeal, bubbling over with joy over this new experience.

This morning while reading from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, God showed me how Emerald’s behavior at the beach paralleled what is supposed to be our experience as Christians. When she stands up in her crib each morning, Emerald has no idea what her day will bring, and it doesn’t bother her in the least. She has no expectations and approaches each day with eagerness.

Chambers wrote, “We do not know what each day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.”

???????????????????????????????His point? No matter what uncertainties we feel, we can be certain of God. “He packs our life with surprises,” Chambers said. And this is where Emerald comes in. He referred to Matthew 18:3 (“Except you… become as little children”) when he wrote, “Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God but uncertain of what he is going to do next.” Emerald isn’t uncertain of Birgitta and her capable leadership, protection, and love. She just has no idea what it will look like on any given day.

We adults, however, often find that kind of certainty-in-God difficult to cultivate. It’s much easier to “sigh with sadness” when we can’t at least partially predict the future. This is the frustration Mary was experiencing when she couldn’t decide for or against chemotherapy. And it’s similar now as she approaches treatment. Will the side- effects be debilitating? Will I be able to participate in regular life? Will I lose my hair? Will the chemo kill the cancer? Will it add years to my life?

It seems incongruous to label cancer or chemotherapy “a life-surprise” since a surprise is usually good. But that’s how God wants us to see them.

???????????????????????????????If we’ve entrusted our lives to his care the way Emerald entrusts herself to Birgitta, we don’t need to know the specifics of what’s ahead.

As Chambers wrote, “When we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.”

Joyful uncertainty. Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Lord wants us to joyfully believe the certain things about him, and just let the rest go.

“The plans I have for you,” says the Lord “are plans for good and not for disaster.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a weight gain of 5 pounds!
  2. Pray for the decision about chemo location, which will probably be made on Wednesday
  3. Praise for good sleep at night

The Blessing of Children

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???????????????????????????????When God blesses two parents with 7 children as he did Mary and Bervin, he also ensures all kinds of ripple-effect mini-blessings along with them. Not only will the mom and dad have babies and preschoolers charming them for many years, but the school years offer their own decades of joy. Which is not to say there aren’t a few bumps along the way.

Mary and I have often talked about the difficulty we both had trying to spread our love and attention over each of our seven while we were raising them. But the up-side was their steady attentions to each other, not to mention the multiplied dividends so many children would end up returning to their parents, once they became adults.

During these especially difficult days of Mary’s cancer and its treatment, she and Bervin are experiencing that special loving attention from their grown kids. And it’s God who gets the credit for setting it all up this way.

Children come into a family “insisting” mommy and daddy serve them non-stop. None of us become parents because we want pay-back, but when it eventually happens (usually taking us by surprise), it’s pure delight. By the time children have grown into adults, we’ve gained meaningful friendships that nourish us every bit as much as we’ve nourished them.

And then there are those God-given gifts we receive through our adult children that are above-and-beyond, gifts like children-in-law, and grandchildren.

Jo and familyAnd so smack dab in the middle of Mary’s cancer and chemo, the Lord has gifted these two parents with a couple of these mega-gifts:

Their 30-something daughter, Johanna, and her family of five have just announced that a new baby will join them in October, putting Mary and Bervin into double-digit grandparenting!

Engaged

 

 

 

And if that wasn’t thrill enough, 20-something daughter Stina called a week ago with the exciting news she and boyfriend Evan had just gotten engaged! Mary and Bervin will gain a 5th in-law child, a young man they’ve already come to love.

And so the weeks continue on, a mix of positives and negatives for this family (as it is for most families). The important thing is for all of us to recognize God’s presence in both the good stuff and the bad, thanking him for all of it. His purpose is to teach us through  circumstances, and he’s hoping we’ll receive them with open minds and open arms.

And isn’t it interesting to note how often he includes our children as part of his lesson plans?

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” (Psalm 127:3)

Mary’s Prayer Requests and Praises

  1. Praise that she could go back to attending her Bible study today
  2. Pray for the courage to face chemo well
  3. Continue to pray for wisdom in choosing which hospital for chemo