Category Archives: Grieving

Far-Reaching Influence

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My sister Mary’s life and death have caused quite a cyber-stir. Literally hundreds have responded to blog posts about her, and not just those who knew her. Equally as many strangers have reacted to her story.

Yesterday I received an insightful comment in response to the post about Mary being a hard worker. (Hard Workin’ Woman) My friend Terry (who didn’t know Mary) wrote, “Mary’s influence continues. Because of this post, there are a few things I am going to do, because I should do them.”

Then she added, “I am mindful of a verse as I think of this, ‘She did what she could’.”

At first reading, that simple statement might describe someone who couldn’t do much but at least did a little – maybe trying hard but falling short. I knew that wasn’t what Terry meant, so I decided to look up the Scripture to see who “she” was and what she “could do.”

What I found astounded me, and Terry’s linking of that sentence with my sister was a connection of highest praise.

It’s a familiar story found in Mark 14. Jesus had been wearing himself out, walking long distances, ministering to the poor, healing the sick, and teaching his disciples. In a few short days he would be hanging on a cross, and he was well aware of it.

On this particular day, as Jesus and his followers continued walking toward Jerusalem, one of the people he had healed decided to host a dinner in his honor. Three of Jesus’ close friends had been invited, too: Lazarus, Martha, and Mary.

alabaster-jarAs Martha helped out in the kitchen, Mary approached Jesus, who was already seated at the dinner table. Then she surprised everyone by purposely breaking a valuable alabaster jar and revealing its contents — worth about $22,000.

She proceeded to pour the expensive nard, a powerfully- fragrant ointment, on Jesus’ hair and feet, wiping his feet with her own hair.

alabaster-jarScripture says the fragrance filled the entire house, no doubt capturing the attention of every guest and even Martha in the kitchen. Some found it odd. Others were speechless. Several objected to the financial waste, voicing criticism.

But Jesus highly approved and defended Mary. “Leave her alone,” he said. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. She did what she could.”

That’s when I realized that my friend Terry’s comment had been one of utmost admiration for our Mary, who had gone through life doing what she could for her Lord and others.

But Jesus wasn’t finished.

He venerated the biblical Mary by saying, “Wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Although she hadn’t intended to draw attention to herself, Jesus turned the spotlight on her, announcing to the dinner guests (and us) that what Mary had done was so important, it would never be forgotten.

Many of us will never forget some of the things our Mary did in her lifetime, either. That’s because she always did what she could.

Jesus said, “She poured perfume on my body…” (Mark 14:8)

Jesus in an Apron (Conclusion)

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Yesterday we heard from Mary’s friend Donna as she wrote about Mary’s terminal diagnosis and the sudden return of her cancer. Several days after receiving Donna’s email, Mary responded with some reflective thoughts of her own:

From: Mary Peterson

Date: Mon, Dec 15, 2014 at 4:17 PM.  Subject: Re: My love. To: Donna Baer

donna-bThank you Donna, for your beautiful email. I have read it over and over and so appreciate your clear, honest perspectives about death and dying.

When Nate was dying, I was privileged to be a witness to much of it, my main desire being to help and comfort Margaret. Her children were magnificent with their encouragement of their parents, but God allowed me to be the one with whom she was able to share her deepest concerns and grief… probably a combination of wanting to protect her children as well as have someone of the same generation to talk to.

One of the things we talked about was how similar death and childbirth are.  Nate moved steadily toward heaven, just as labor moves a woman toward delivery. We marveled at the process, as he slowly but surely moved through death to life.   I don’t know about you, but ever since I witnessed my first birth in nurses training, I’ve always considered it a sacred moment when a baby is finally born.

I was recently reminded of that again, as I had the happy privilege of being in the delivery room as our Johanna gave birth to her fourth child.  (“Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.”) And like birth, death seems a sacred moment as well. As Pastor Lutzer says, God is powerfully present at that moment, when we need Him most, according to His promise to never leave or forsake us. I’m trusting Him for that.

Now, as far as your kind words about being Jesus in an apron…  Margaret thinks that would be a great book title, but I’m sure I would not be a good model for it.  I do agree the small things we do, just in the process of day to day living, can affect others, and especially those coming behind us. Through this cancer journey, I’ve been reminded of that over and over as people tell of something that impacted and encouraged them. The funny thing is, what they relate, I have no recollection of!  Perhaps the little things really are the big things?

Anyway, thank you Donna, for your sweet words.  God used you to bless this old heart!  And yes, I do look forward to serving with you once again, in the Kingdom.  God is good!

With love and gratitude, Mary

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“May we be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.” (Romans 1:12)

God’s Sneak-Peeks

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Those of us who follow Christ believe him when he says he’s always with us. He also says he’ll never abandon us or fail us and that he surrounds us with his presence. We believe all of it.

The problem comes in trusting this One we can’t see or feel. In our recent days of missing Mary, people have lovingly said, “Hold tight to Jesus’ hand.” Or, “I’m praying you’ll feel God’s everlasting arms around you.”

Both of these word pictures are sanctioned in Scripture, and we want to trust them as real, but there’s no visible proof – and sometimes it’s hard.

hand-of-god

(Michelangelo tried to visualize the invisible, above.)

God knows of our human limitations and the difficulty of relating to an unseen God. After all, Jesus was human, too, and experienced these same limits. Even during his torturous hours on the cross, his cries were to his invisible Father. So how do we bridge this gap? How do we believe he is truly with us?

The answer? It’s by way of the sneak-peeks he gives.

I believe God sometimes demonstrates that he’s close to us in real-time…. in touchable, visible ways. Our part is to notice and ponder what he shows us, deciding for ourselves whether or not to attribute these things to him.

During Mary’s sudden, short decline, he gave us several of these powerful sneak-peeks that we believe indicated his closeness. For example – Julia had given her mom a gardenia plant for Mother’s Day in May.

flower-potMary had put it in a stone-covered pot, writing a Scripture verse around the rim: “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the Rock eternal.” (Isaiah 26:4)

Through the summer it had bloomed beautifully under Mary’s watchful care. But then her illness escalated, and tending to the gardenia fell by the wayside.

When Julia arrived to care for her mom, she saw that her gardenia-gift was needy. Taking a moment to pluck off the many dead blossoms, she noticed it didn’t have even one promising bud. But then Mary’s illness drew her attention away.

And then Mary went to heaven.

In the painful first hour that followed her death, after Hospice and funeral home personnel had come and gone, none of us knew what to do. Then, as we stood around in the kitchen without a plan, someone said, “Hey! Look at that plant!”

the-gardeniaWe were dumbfounded to see a fully opened, perfectly formed gardenia blossom on Mary’s now-healthy plant.

Some would call that a coincidence or a freak of nature. We’d rather give the credit to our unseen God who uplifted us in a low moment with the assurance that he was close by. And against all logic, we had a sweet-smelling gardenia blossom to prove it.

“Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)