Mary finished well.

The last few days have been rough – but not on Mary. Our much-loved wife, mom, sister, and grandma has slept away the days and nights in complete comfort, the recipient of endless loving care by her husband Bervin and grown children, Luke, Julia, Karl, Andrew, Jo, Stina, and Marta.

Mary, a nurse since 1966, was thrilled when two of her daughters, Julia and Stina, became nurses, too. And they were never more challenged than in recent days as they faithfully, diligently met their mom’s every physical need. They jumped into action with every chime of their phone alarms, around the clock – administering different drugs at different times, rolling Mary’s sleeping body every few hours to prevent bed sores, keeping her clean on a schedule, changing bed sheets, regulating the temperature in her room. Whatever was needed, they eagerly did it. As Julia said, “She never let us do anything for her, always wanting to do for us instead. So it’s very satisfying to help her now.”

love-in-actionThe rest of us took turns sitting with Mary, enjoying her company as she slept. Knowing she might be hearing us even while unconscious, we read her many greeting cards, recited her favorite Scriptures, sang hymns for her, and talked to her freely. Bervin reminisced with her during their nights together and never entered or left the room without stroking her arm or caressing her face with his hand. Her cheeks and forehead were regularly covered with his kisses.

This afternoon I was sitting on the bed next to her, legs under the covers next to hers, leaning up against the headboard as she soundly slept. Computer hymns were playing quietly in the background as I held her hand and described the pictures on different greeting cards and read their messages. I looked up any Scriptures that were mentioned and read them to her, too. She continued to take about 8 breaths per minute as she had for the past 24 hours.

After reading all the cards, I set them aside and picked up her well-marked Bible, opening to the Psalms. Suddenly I thought I heard a quiet noise come from Mary’s mouth. It was not a moan, not a groan, nothing negative. It sounded like “Ahhh” going from high pitch to low.

I scooched down in the bed right next to her, putting my ear in front of her open mouth and heard a second one. “Ahhh.” And then a third and fourth. That’s when I jumped out of the bed and raced to find the others.

But only Luke was there, in the kitchen. “Come quick. Your mom is making some funny noises, and I’m not sure what’s happening.”

We raced back to the bedroom together, and he too put his ear by her mouth, hearing another “Ahhh.”

He dashed from the room and out the front door to get Bervin, who was cutting the lawn. (A few minutes earlier he’d wondered aloud if he should leave Mary long enough to do that, and since she’d been stable, we had encouraged him to go.)

I put my ear back near Mary’s mouth and she was still “talking.”

“Ahhh.”

She hadn’t moved during this time – not a flutter of the eye or a twitch of the brow.

Bervin rushed in with Luke right behind him, and bent over Mary’s face as she “spoke” one final “Ahhh” to him. It sounded like she was making a wonderful discovery or experiencing a deep satisfaction like, “Ahhh… I understand now!”

Then she grew completely quiet. No more breaths. No more sounds. And we three stared intently at her face, holding our breath as we waited for hers. And surprising us all, she simply closed her mouth…. as if to say, “That’s all.”

Bervin released her to go to heaven and then covered her face with a loving mix of kisses and tears as Mary flew into the presence of Jesus.

Their other adult children were, for the first time in two weeks, a distance from the house. Mary had repeatedly told all of us, back when she was still talking, “Why are you guys hanging around here? It’s a beautiful day. Go to the beach!” She said it again and again as she rested in bed, but no one felt like going.

img_4053Today, though, they’d finally decided to walk down there together, since Mary’s breathing hadn’t changed since the day before. And as Mary made her exit from the earth, they were all looking over the soothing, bright blue waters of Lake Michigan, talking about their mom.

That’s when Luke’s text told them to quickly hurry home, and they raced back in a group, gathering around Mary’s bed to absorb the startling news that she was gone. We stood in a circle of love all the way around her, unrolling paper towels to mop up tears and blow noses. Bervin began to sing, in a wobbly but confident voice, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face….”

And I joined in… “And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” We all realized this was exactly Mary’s new reality. Her eyes were on Jesus, and she was looking into his wonderful face. Awesome!

img_4147If there is such a thing as a perfect death, this was it. And Mary had finished well. Very well.

“We are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 5:8, NLT)

Laboring On

Mary continues in her fight against cancer, breathing slowly and with greater effort than a few hours ago. The rattle in her throat tells us her struggle will soon be over and her victory won.

funeral-bookMary has always been a planner, making to-do lists and faithfully checking them off. She has planned her own funeral and laid out the details of who she wants to do what. She’s chosen the music, Scripture passages, and soloists. She’s even written her own obituary. How many people are able to square off with their pending demise in this head-on way? Most have difficulty even drawing up a will.

All of us have enjoyed reading through Mary’s “funeral book” (as she called it) and her lists. She told me, “Don’t forget to consult this book. It’ll be sitting right next to my Bible on my nightstand.”

Two pages in her book are especially poignant.

img_4115Some good things about pancreatic cancer

  1. Get to “graduate” to heaven sooner rather than later
  2. Get to “meet” Jesus
  3. Finally meet two unborn children (1978, 1979)
  4. Reunion with loved ones that went before
  5. Avoid nursing home
  6. No more skin doctor, pap smears, etc.
  7. No osteoporosis
  8. No more worries about BP (blood pressure), cholesterol, weight, sun exposure
  9. Get the chance to show God’s faithfulness to others.

img_4116

 

Some bad things about pancreatic cancer

  1. Leaving Bervin and children and grandchildren
  2. Leaving loved ones and friends
  3. No more chances to live for the Lord
  4. Going thru the cancer death experience

 

 

These lists fall right in line with who Mary is, because the “good” list is longer than the “bad.” She was always a pro at counting her blessings.

“The Lord loves the righteous.” (Psalm 146:8)

God’s Good Gift

What would it feel like to be the center of God’s personal attention, receiving a really good gift from him? Yesterday we found out.

Two days ago, as Mary continued to rest, her oldest grandchildren went through the excruciating but important process of saying goodbye to the grandma they adore. One read a special letter she’d written for that moment. Another climbed into bed next to Mary, holding onto her as he recited a Scripture passage from memory.

mary-and-rubyBut dear little Ruby, almost inconsolable, was overcome with the sobs of a broken heart as she hugged her grandma goodbye. Even after she’d left the bedroom, her crying continued.

It had been a rough period in Ruby’s seven-year-old life. First, the family had had to put down one of their two beloved horses due to old age and health problems. Ruby suffered during that difficult goodbye. Then she learned a new baby was on the way, and she was sure it was going to be just one more boy, stacking the gender-deck against her – their 4 to her 1.

And then, worst of all, her grandma’s cancer began to speed up, making it harder for Ruby to spend time with her. How does a 2nd grader cope with such disappointment and stress? She’s too old to be unaware and too young to understand.

Just then, her parents got an idea. Maybe if she found out she would be getting a baby sister instead of another brother, she’d be able to focus on that arrival (in February) rather than her grandma’s departure (very soon).

Of course there was no guarantee it was a girl, but at least there was a 50/50 chance. So her mom, Jo, called for an ultrasound appointment. “How soon can you fit us in?”

Within hours Jo, her husband Drew, and their two oldest, Beck (9) and Ruby, were in the examining room. When they left the hospital, the answer to their gender-question was written on a white card, and none of them knew what it said.

After they’d made their way to Dairy Queen and were enjoying ice cream, Jo handed the closed card to Beck and Ruby. “How about if you tell us which it will be?” she said. And the children took the card, turned around for privacy, and opened it.

Jo and Drew knew they were taking a chance. What if it turned out to be yet another brother for Ruby? Would she dissolve in sobs? Would it make things worse?

img_4129But when Ruby turned around and looked at her mom, she didn’t have to say a word. The answer was written all over her face.  A girl!

This time it was Daddy who was weeping with his awareness of the Lord’s fantastic timing of this special gift. Though Ruby’s grandma will soon be gone, a baby sister will soon be here.

But God wasn’t finished even yet.

Yesterday evening, Jo sat next to her own mom, Mary, in her dimly-lit bedroom, hoping she would be able to take in the good news about a little granddaughter coming. When she told the story, Mary broke into a broad grin. Then, with heavy eyes half-closed, she softly said, “Great… Congratulations!” And these turned out to be her last spoken words.

img_4131The pink rose Jo left on the nightstand is a steady reminder to Mary and all of us that God sure does give good gifts.

“If you, then…. know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)