Category Archives: Grieving

Thanksliving

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Tom and BettyAdjusting to the death of a spouse is always a challenge, but when there isn’t a minute of warning, it’s doubly difficult. That’s what happened to my neighbor and friend, Betty, when her husband Tom collapsed in an instant.

The two of them were on their way from Michigan to Chicago’s Loop for a couple of appointments and a night in a downtown hotel. But while walking from the train, their lives took an unexpected, unwelcome turn.

Tom said he needed to sit down for a moment, after which he put his head back and lost consciousness. Thankfully a policeman nearby was ready to help, and in just a few minutes Tom was on his way to a hospital. But God’s angels had already escorted him out of Chicago and into Paradise.

Because Tom was a vibrant man full of positive energy, his absence has left a big hole in the lives of many, especially Betty. But there’s great satisfaction in knowing his eternity was and is secure. That’s because decades ago he had entrusted his life (and his death) to God.

I attend the same church as Betty and Tom, and last fall our pastor preached a series called “Thanksliving,” emphasizing the importance of living with gratitude. One Sunday he handed out rubberized bracelets with “Thanksliving” written on them, and Tom was quick to put one on.

The braceletLong after the sermon series had ended and most people’s bracelets had been put away, the pastor asked Tom when he was going to take his off. He responded that he wasn’t… just like he wasn’t going to stop thanks-living.

When he died, he was still wearing the bracelet.

Tom had made up his mind to be a thankful person, despite the fact that his life had been plagued with trouble – beginning with a motorcycle accident in young adulthood that nearly killed him and then derailed his first-choice career. But through that and other close calls with death, Tom refused to feel sorry for himself. He never complained.

Why is God so firm about insisting we always be grateful, even in dire circumstances? It’s probably because he knows that as we search for blessings, what we’re going to find is him. And when we lay hold of him, we’ll be lifted from a problem-focus to a possibility-focus.

IMG_5400All things are possible with God. But the power he promises to put into our situations will be lost on us if we don’t look to him with appreciative hearts. And that’s not all. When we choose gratitude, it’s our golden opportunity to give blessing back to God.

Betty will miss Tom for a long time to come, but after 45 years of marriage, I have a hunch the two of them were probably in cahoots on this thanksliving thing. As a  matter of fact, Betty just might decide to wear his bracelet herself.

The Lord says… “The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me.” (Psalm 50:23)

Hand-in-Hand

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Now that the weather is warming, Emerald and I have been sharing responsibility for taking Jack on his late afternoon walk. For quite some time now she’s been pleading with me to let her hold his leash, and this week she finally became the dog-walker.

Dog-walker

Since Jack doesn’t have the energy to sprint for squirrels anymore, the odds were good that Emerald wouldn’t be dragged down the road as she clutched the leash. Nevertheless, I kept a close eye. If Jack stopped, stiffened his tail, and perked up his ears, I quickly reach down and closed my hand over Emerald’s, adding the necessary strength needed if he should bolt.

Feeling capableIt’s true that Jack no longer wastes energy on little critters, but a nice big deer is another story. Recently he spotted one well before I did, but his body language told me he was about to run. In a split second I had my hand over Emerald’s and held on tight. Though he did try, we successfully held him back…. together.

Emerald’s toddler-strength probably couldn’t even hold a chipmunk back, but when our hands were locked together, she remained safe.

What a great parallel to how God cares for us. We might be drawn into a situation that’s too much to handle, whether willingly or unwillingly, so we cry to God for help. He is willing to cover our weakness with his strength the same way my hand covered Emerald’s.

One example from my own life came during my early days of widowhood. I remember being overwhelmed by sadness, and day after day I was stuck there, feeble in every way. If it hadn’t been for God’s strong partnership (or we could say his strength wrapped around my weakness), I think I’d be in that same place still.

Each day when Emerald and I walk Jack now, she expects to hold the leash herself, blissfully unaware of any risks. “Ewa hole it,” she says. She has no idea I’m watching carefully, trying to stay one step ahead of anything that might harm her.

God does the same thing. Sometimes we think we don’t need him to cover us with help or protection. But he says, “I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” (Psalm 32:8) In other words, he’ll give us his recommendation, but if we insist on handling things our own way, he’ll step back and let us do it. All the while, though, he’ll keep an eye on us, watching for danger. I find that very reassuring.

Holding onWhere we get into trouble is when we ourselves become aware that danger is ahead but still say, “I don’t need your help, Lord.” Thankfully it takes only a few of those incidents (along with their often-difficult conclusions) to convince us that doing things hand-in-hand with him is always the better choice.

“I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13)

Easter Morning #1

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As Easter dawned this year, I felt the same sense of relief I always feel. Good Friday had passed, along with that mysterious Saturday when we aren’t sure exactly where the spirit of Jesus was or what he was doing. Once Sunday dawns, the mourning and uncertainty are blown away like leaves in a gust of wind.

I like to think about that first Easter, putting together the details we read in the 4 Gospels. When the women were walking to Jesus’ tomb, they were consumed with grief over losing their beloved friend and Lord. According to Scripture, they walked to the garden cemetery while it was still dark, wondering how they were going to get into the tomb to lovingly apply spices to Jesus’ body.

Scripture hints that it was only shortly before they arrived that God the Father had dispatched two angels from heaven, telling them, “It’s time! Go to Jerusalem and open my Son’s grave!”

A stone rolled awayMatthew tells us one of those angels rolled the heavy stone away, no doubt a task of great joy to this heavenly being. I can just imagine Jesus sitting up on that stone slab with the angels’ lightning-like clothing illuminating the dark tomb in that pre-dawn hour. Maybe the angels helped him remove his grave clothes. Maybe they even brought along a new outfit for him to wear.

And then it was time. Jesus stood, put one foot in front of the other, and walked away from death and out of that tomb! And it seemed that within minutes he encountered Mary Magdalene. He was still close to the tomb entrance, and he told her not to touch him, since he hadn’t yet been to the Father, which leads us to believe he was newly-risen. (Not too long after that he had no problem letting people touch him.)

Mary weepingThough Mary was so shrouded in grief she didn’t recognize Jesus at first, she quickly came around (“Rabboni!”) and knew who he was, believing that somehow he had come alive again. And there it was: Happy Easter #1! Mary didn’t wait to understand it all. She just believed.

The same is true for us today, nearly 2000 Easters later. There is much we can’t figure out about that first Easter, and we crave answers to our questions. But whether we understand it or not isn’t what matters. The important thing is that we believe it.

It’s a great privilege to live on this side of Christ’s resurrection. And each year, as we go into the sadness of Good Friday, we already know our Happy Easter morning is a guarantee. But may that awareness never dull the glorious truth of what Jesus did for Mary Magdalene on that first Easter… and for all the rest of us who believe.

“Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.” (Acts 16:31)