Traveling Light…. and Light-hearted

Today I dropped Nelson off at a train with a snow-packed underside and steps so ice-encrusted the conductor had to chip and shovel before letting anyone off or on.

Seasoned traveler.A train trip to Chicago’s O’Hare Airport is the first leg of Nelson’s convoluted 3 day journey that will land him in north India. As he walked toward the platform, I said, “You look like a seasoned traveler.” In his cap and carefully-chosen, layered clothes, his expert planning would efficiently make the transition from Michigan’s single-digit cold to India’s warmth. His only luggage for many months was a backpack.

With a double blast from the diesel engine, he was gone.

Though I stood by my car waving till he was out of sight, once behind the wheel again, I burst into tears. My heart is genuinely joyful for Nelson’s departure for one reason: his steps have been specifically directed by God. But my emotions were objecting.

Leaning toward the facts, I reminded myself that the Lord has carefully led Nelson to this day. Here are just two of the many ways we knew that:

1. After having applied for a visa to India and wondering whether or not it would come through, Nelson was cleaning out some old files and came across a folder of foreign paper money. And though he has traveled extensively in more than a dozen countries, the only money in the file was rupees from India.

Rupees

2. He applied for a 10 year, multiple-entry visa but was mentally prepared for something much less, maybe a 90 day visa with limited entry. Or even a 30 day with one entry. But the 10 year visa came through on exactly the day he’d expected it.

There were other indications this was God’s plan for Nelson, too, so as my tears trickled, I reminded myself of the privilege of releasing this son to do the work he’s been called to do. And I pictured my Aunt Joyce sitting next to me in the car telling me to stop crying and thank God for all the blessings of being Nelson’s mother.

His instruction is to give thanks no matter what’s going on around us, plus or minus. A heart of gratitude is to be grounded in the Lord, not in how we feel at any given moment. And his blessing covers everything from eternal salvation to a pair of warm gloves. Not even the saddest circumstances are devoid of something for which to be thankful.

As for counting the blessings of being Nelson’s mother, at the top of my list was having a son whose highest priority is to follow God’s will for his life. That led me to be thankful he boarded the train. Had Nelson seen my tears and then cancelled his trip, I would have been disappointed…. and so would God.

Besides, by the time I got home from the station, my blessing-list was long, and my tears were long-gone.

“A wide door for effective work has opened to me.” (1 Corinthians 16:9)

Taught by a Sister

IMG_1421All my life I’ve followed after my sister Mary. Though she was born 20 months before me, in many ways she’s always been decades ahead of me, at least in the lessons-learned department. Whether she’s been aware of it or not, she’s been my teacher all the way along. And now she’s showing me (and many others) how to respond when her faith is tested.

Some might say, “What do you mean by faith being tested?”

Receiving a terminal diagnosis has the power to shake us to the core and forces us to think about things we never thought about before. In the process, virtually everything changes.

It’s natural to ask, “Why was I singled out for such a horrible reality? Why not someone else?” Although there are no satisfying answers, that doesn’t stop us from asking.

But Mary’s response to the words “pancreatic cancer” has never been to ask why. As she absorbed the harsh truth that first day, she was coping in a way that pleased God. She didn’t have a clear understanding, but her mentality was one of acceptance. She said, “God knows best.” And that equates to an A+ in a test of faith.

But something else was going on, too, in her initial response. Mary wasn’t asking why or feeling singled out, because she had already fully accepted that death was part of life… not just for her but for all of us.

Yesterday a blog reader made an astute observation that got me thinking. In response to Mary’s blog she wrote:

I am in the same boat with you, Mary. I, too, have a terminal illness. And if Jesus doesn’t come first, there’s a 100% chance I’ll die from it. It’s genetic– both my parents have it, and sadly, both my precious little daughters have inherited this disease from me. Oh, and my dear husband has it too. But thankfully, there’s a cure; it’s Jesus. I realize how foolish I am to live like I don’t have the “cancer” of sin. Cancer or not, I need to be living exactly like you… making the absolute most of every moment, leaning on Jesus for wisdom to make every decision, and being content to live a “normal” life for as long as I can, overwhelmed with gratitude.

Reading her comment was an “ah-ha” moment for me. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of cancer in that way before, since we all have sin-cancer. Not one of us is without a terminal diagnosis.

M&MIf we’ve truly internalized this biblical truth, receiving bad news like Mary did becomes less of a crisis. And I hope when my time comes, whether the test involves physical cancer, sin-cancer, or both, I hope I remember everything Mary taught me.

“The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 3:23)

Mary’s Thoughts on Fear

The last couple of days we’ve been listening to a patient’s view of living with deadly cancer. Tonight Mary shares what works for her in fending off fear:

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Whenever fear creeps into my thoughts, I know it hasn’t come from God. The Bible flat-out says, “God has not given us the spirit of fear.” (2 Timothy 1:7) So if it doesn’t come from him, it’s coming from my enemy, Satan. Because of that, I need to quickly reject it, making sure fear doesn’t take hold of me. The honest truth, though, is that I’ve had to struggle hard against it.

One fear that’s assaulted me multiple times this year centers around my grandchildren. When they first heard I had cancer, they began praying God would heal me. So my concern is that after I die, these trusting children might be angry with God for not answering their prayers, and turn against him.

With ten grandsRight now they’re praying in the no-holds-barred way children do, which is why I worry. After I’m gone, I envision them asking, “If God loves me, why did he let my grandma die?” I want them all to love him no matter what happens with me, but that isn’t always easy for a child. Though I know I can’t control their lives, I have to fight fear over this issue.

I have to repeatedly remember that their relationships with the Lord are in his capable hands. My continual prayer is for their faith to hold and even somehow grow as a result of my death. I’m thankful for God’s reminder that he’s caring for them now and will care for them then, especially where faith issues are concerned.

One day a while back, our daughter Julia gave me a plaque that sits on my kitchen counter. It simply says, “Trust in the Lord.” God has used that short message to bring me back to reality many times by dispelling fear. Of course I don’t want to leave my grandchildren any time soon, but that decision isn’t up to me.

Trust in the Lord

The most effective antidote to fear is Scripture. It has the power to settle me and show me what’s true and what isn’t. God’s Word is an anchor that holds when storms come, because it has a power no other book has. It’s alive and active. It acts toward me in a way nothing else can, pointing me to the Lord and reminding me I’m not alone in my anxiety. He’s there battling the enemy alongside me, and his Word is a weapon against fear that never fails.

I don’t know how I could manage without the Lord accompanying me through this cancer. There isn’t a day that I don’t sense his closeness, and I’ll never stop thanking him for it. He has promised to be my ever-ready help whenever I need him and guarantees that my future is secure with him in heaven.

[ Tomorrow Mary will talk about you, blog readers. ]

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” (Psalm 37:5)