Category Archives: Grieving

It’s foolproof.

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PrayerThis morning I spent an hour praying with two other women who believe passion- ately in prayer. I brought them up to date on Mary’s cancer, and then we talked about the best way to pray over her, since that isn’t always obvious. But one of them knew exactly how to summarize our scattered thoughts. “No matter what the situation is,” she said, “there’s one prayer that can never fail. It’s, ‘Thy will be done.’ ”

That foolproof prayer always gets God’s “yes.”

I don’t think the Lord minds if we make suggestions: “please eliminate all cancer cells within Mary… please extend her life by many years… please don’t allow her to suffer in any way…” But in the end, our bottom-line should always be, “Whatever you decide, Lord, we’ll line up behind that.”

As we prayed, a Sunday school chorus popped into my head:

God can do anything, anything, anything; God can do anything but fail.

A foolproof prayer and a God who can’t fail? It’s win-win. If there are any problems after that, they’re within us.

But what happens when someone we love is handed a diagnosis like Mary’s, and we hate the thought that such a thing might be God’s will? An excellent request for ourselves concerning our own praying, then, is to ask God to bring our human wills in line with his divine will. That may look good on paper, but oh, what a mouthful.

If I’m going to pray such a prayer and mean it, God’s answer is probably going to involve some serious emotional pain. But the only other choice is to be standing outside of his will for Mary. Might that then miss what he’s doing in her life and mine, too?

Sara Young, author of the book Jesus Calling writes short prayers plucked from Scripture’s promises using words Jesus might use with us. This morning my two friends and I read this:

“Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. When you release them to Me, you are free to cling to My hand.” (from Genesis 22)

Our disconnect with that truth, however, is that God’s protective care may look nothing like our protective prayer. Though I haven’t been clinging to Mary physically, I’m definitely clinging emotionally, wanting to hold her close… just like always.

ClingingI think God is gently teaching me that he is the only one both of us ought to be clinging to. So, as painful as it is to pray it, may his will be done.

O God, “Your unfailing love is better than life itself. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.” (Psalm 63:3,8)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for another day of meaningful pursuits with church commitments and family fun.
  2. Thank you for continuing to pray for good sleep at night.

Heartbreaking News

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God’s will is not always easy to accept, and today’s turn of events fits into that difficult category.

My sister Mary had a full body scan to check for any recurrence of pancreatic cancer, and tonight we learned the devastating truth: this vicious disease has returned and is now on her liver and in her lungs.

Doctors don’t recommend additional chemotherapy, since it would have to be so strong that its side effects would be nearly unbearable. Tonight Mary seems at peace with that. She said, “I just plan to make every single day count.”

It’s been a long, tearful day for all the Petersons. Mary admitted that her low point was having to communicate today’s findings to their 7 children and families because… “it’s awful to be the cause of your children’s suffering.”

Yesterday when she was at my house, we talked about today at length. She said, “The verse dominating my thoughts is Isaiah 26:3 – ‘Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace who’s mind is stayed on Thee.’ ”

This is a watertight promise from God, and as she repeatedly claimed it last night, he gave her that peace in the form of a good night’s rest.

Now the Lord has given her a new verse, one that isn’t nearly as easy to own. True to herself and to her Lord, she said, “All of us, including your blog readers, prayed for God’s will, and today he answered our prayers by showing us what that was. I know he didn’t cause my cancer, but he has decided to allow it. Tonight his word to me is ‘Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice,’ so I’m going to try to do that.”

This was said through tears, but it was, indeed, said.

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“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Mary and BervinPraying with Mary, Bervin, and their Family:

  1. Pray for this difficult adjustment period to their sad news
  2. Pray for the grand- children, that their faith will grow, despite God not answering their prayers for their grandma as they’d hoped
  3. Pray for God’s peace to flood each heart, right in the middle of this heartbreaking news

Tantalizing Fantasizing

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Every widow friend of mine has wished her husband could come back, if only for a few minutes. We’ve all fantasized about how we would greet them, what we’d say, how we’d show love. Such a scenario is as captivating as a first date, and although we all know it can’t be, thinking about it is delicious.

howard_F2S13P-P1.tiffThis morning I was pondering the biblical Lazarus, a friend Jesus often stayed with between destinations. He enjoyed time with this pal and his two sisters, probably relaxing around a lamp-lit wooden table, telling of his travels. These four singles were close in heart and surely had fun together. Scripture twice says Jesus loved them.

When Lazarus got sick, the grieving sisters did what came naturally: they got word to Jesus. But Lazarus died before he could get there.

When Jesus finally came, Mary, Martha and a crowd of mourners had been grieving for four days. No doubt the sisters were thinking, “Oh, how we want our brother back, even for just a few minutes. He left so quickly we couldn’t even get Jesus here in time. If only we could talk with him again, hold onto him, somehow prevent his death.”

When Jesus arrived, Martha raced out to meet him with the same wish my widow friends and I have. “Jesus, you can do whatever you want! You could bring him back!” Although I haven’t met Martha, I know what she was thinking: “If you bring him back, you can heal him, and then he won’t have to die!”

But Jesus responded conservatively, reminding Martha that Lazarus would rise eventually. That wasn’t good enough for her, though. I picture her tugging on his arm, bouncing up and down saying, “Yes, yes, I know, but you know what I mean!”

Jesus calmly asked if she truly believed he was the way to heaven, and she says, “Yes, of course! I believe you! But…”

Racing back to the house, she grabs Mary and excitedly says, “Jesus is here! Hurry up!”  And it’s Mary’s turn to rush out. While weeping, she voices the same longing as Martha but in a different way. “You could have prevented this! And you should have!”

Amazingly, Jesus gave the sisters what they wanted: their brother back.

Lazarua and sistersWhat was life like for these siblings after that? Martha and Mary probably didn’t take their eyes off Lazarus, couldn’t stop asking questions. Most likely they touched him, took his hand, hugged him, told him they loved him, until he had to say, “Ok, girls. Enough already!”

I’ll bet they loved their brother with a nearly perfect love after having lost him, then gotten him back. That’s what my widow friends and I long for, too, though we know it won’t happen.

But if wives could just get that second-chance love figured out the first time around, marriages could be radical examples of what God originally had in mind for husbands and wives.

Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” (John 11:43)