Category Archives: Grieving

Is that funny?

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Three StoogesNate had a fabulous laugh. If he thought something was funny and once got going, there was no stopping him till he’d slapped his knee pink and used his hankie to wipe tears away. He had what I used to call a “Three Stooges Sense of Humor,” laughing with gusto at slapstick comedy. Although I don’t find the stooges that funny, watching Nate go all-out laughing at them was hilarious.

Laughter, however, can communicate all sorts of things that aren’t especially funny: sarcasm, mockery, scorn, fear, disrespect. We see all of these laughs mentioned in the pages of Scripture (40-some times) but no one would characterize the Bible as a funny read. The several times God himself laughs, it’s out of derision toward nations that rejected him.

Because God is our heavenly Father, he probably enjoys watching our moments of joyful-laughter much like any parent delights in seeing their children happy. But there are times in the Bible when a laugh is inappropriate, and in that context, he disapproves. One interesting example appears in Mark, and though I’ve read the story multiple times, I didn’t notice the laughing part until a week ago.

Jesus was walking from one town to another, healing people along the way as he often did, when he entered the home of a 12 year old girl who’d recently died. The official mourning period had begun with a crowd of people loudly weeping and wailing, but when Jesus walked in, he stopped them. “What’s all the commotion about?” he said.

His comment made no sense to the mourners, but he was about to perform an incredible miracle and was laying the groundwork for it. Knowing that  Jesus was a worker of wonders, the wailers ought to have stepped back in silence, expecting him to say or do something incredible.

But when he said, “She’s not dead, just asleep,” their response was just the opposite. They laughed. (Mark 5:39-40)

Jesus brings a girl from deathJesus didn’t appreciate their disbelief and immediately insisted everyone leave (except the girl’s parents). Because of the mourners’ mocking laughter, they missed out on what would surely have been the highlight of their lives: witnessing Jesus bring a dead person back to life.

A good question for all of us is, “If I had been there, would I have laughed, too?” Even today, when God tells me something illogical or even preposterous, do I inwardly think, “Like that’s gonna ever happen!”

Or do I drop my jaw in believing expectation and say, “I can’t wait!” God is looking for people who believe in him all the way. No caveats, no partial approval, just full-on acceptance of everything he says.

As for those loud wailers in the little girl’s house, they missed a rare opportunity to have their faith personally strengthened by Christ himself…. all because they laughed.

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” (2 Chronicles 16:9)

Crying It Out

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Every woman knows what it means to “have a good cry.” There are all sorts of reasons, and we begin figuring that out when we’re still children. I remember being 10 years old and melting down on the front steps at church, a poorly chosen venue to fall apart. But good cries are no respecter of time or place, and out it poured.

Mom handled it by ushering me toward the curb saying, “Honey, I love you! Your dad loves you! Your brother and sister love you! You have lots of friends! Now get in the car!”

My tears probably had very little to do with a specific issue and more to do with the build-up of internal pressures that needed to be released. In any case, by the time we arrived home, I felt much better, which is exactly what a good cry will do for you.

A good cryBiochemists tell us people feel better after a big cry because tears are loaded with stress hormones that are ushered out of our bodies through the vehicle of our tears. Some people think tears come out when tensions become too much to bear, much like perspiration comes out when our bodies take on too much heat.

When I was a new widow, I expended a great deal of effort trying not to cry. I didn’t want to break down in front of people, not because it would have been embarrassing but because I didn’t want the sympathy that tears inevitably brought. I didn’t want to be singled out as someone who was feeling so sad she needed extra attention. And I didn’t want people to think I was the needy one in the crowd, even though I was.

Yet widows must cry. The loss of a mate, especially one who is also a dear friend, confidante, comrade, and lover, is tear-worthy for sure. And so we wait for those moments when we know we won’t be interrupted: during the night, in the car, on a walk, in the shower. And oh the good cries we have then!

But even though it’s good to cry, God doesn’t want us to get stuck there, thinking that’s as good as it’s going to get. Tears are indeed good, and God gets the credit for inventing them, but crying has limited use. As Ecclesiastes says, it may endure for a night, but joy should come in the morning. After nearly 4 years of widowhood, I’ve found that it does.

Ha ha!Sometimes our emotions are like a roller coaster, cry-joy-cry-joy-cry, but God is forever surprising us with fresh blessings and an awareness of his close presence, which helps stabilize us. And once in a while he’ll even bless us with a bout of crying that comes from laughing too hard.

When that happens, it’s a really good cry.

“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”  (Luke 6:21)

Used by God?

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All of us who’ve committed our lives to Christ are daily hoping for his approval. Although the world says we ought never to let ourselves be “used” by others, being “used” by God is a privilege. I know from experience that when I let him do what he wants with me, the results are always good. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Always.

As my friend Claudia says, “The Father has a way of taking our griefs and hurts and making them diamonds for the Church’s good.” Losing my husband to pancreatic cancer wasn’t “good.” But what God did, as that “bad” settled over me, was to quietly begin laying a foundation that would bring something good in due time.

I’ve been astonished watching him do this for me repeatedly since Nate died. For example, as I struggled to get used to my new widow-status, he urged me to write out my feelings, which ultimately became a devotional book for other widows. Then, when they read how God had stepped into the places Nate had stepped out of, those grieving without hope understood that God was going to bring them, too, out of sadness and into joy.

Revive Our Hearts.Later, God sent along speaking opportunities and radio interviews, giving me new places to “boast in the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 10:17) One set of interviews was with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for her radio broadcast “Revive Our Hearts,” and yesterday I received this exciting information from her office:

Coming up next week on “Revive Our Hearts” broadcast with Nancy Leigh DeMoss: “Hope for an Aching Heart,” with Margaret Nyman

Margaret says widowhood is a beginning. It’s an opportunity to walk with the Lord in new ways, taking on new challenges.

Sept. 16, 2013 – Sept. 20, 2013

On these scheduled airdates, the streaming, download, and podcast audio of this broadcast and a written transcript will appear on our radio page— www.ReviveOurHearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/.

On this page you will also find a list of local radio stations that carry the program in your area.

*                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *               *

This email was simultaneously thrilling and threatening. Since our recording sessions took place over a year ago, I’ve forgotten much of what was said in the 5 programs and today became very nervous. Did I contradict myself or say things that might offend listeners? Did I mix up the details or misquote my own book?

Radio interview

As stomach butterflies demoralized me, God tapped me on the shoulder. “Don’t forget,” he said, “these opportunities were my doing, not yours, so I’ll take full responsibility for the results.”

I had two quick responses:

  1. Whew!
  2. Can’t wait to see the results!

To win God’s approval, all we need to do is step squarely into whatever plans he makes for us (no matter how unnerving), expecting him to manage the unknowns. When we do, we’ll realize the highest of callings: to be “used” by him.

“I’m only concerned with your plans for me. I see the limits to everything human, but the horizons can’t contain your commands!” (Psalm 119:95-96, The Message)