Wisdom from Dr. Seuss

Posted on March 1, 2013 by Margaret

My webmaster, son-in-law Adam, is an ongoing blessing to me, not just because he manages GettingThroughThis.com but because he’s a young man walking close to God and through that is a good example to everyone around him. He’s also a dedicated husband to my daughter Linnea and a committed father to Skylar, Micah, and Autumn, all-in on that big job.

Adam has served not only as webmaster but also as my stalwart encourager. Once in a while people mention “my advanced computer skills,” and I quickly deliver the truth. Each web site task has been painstakingly learned through trial and error (think error and more error) at the expense of Adam’s gentle supervision. He doesn’t lose patience with my re-asking the same questions but re-answers as if I’d never asked.

If it wasn’t for Adam, this blog wouldn’t exist, and for more reasons than one, I’m glad it does. If it didn’t, I’d be missing out on the wealth of blessing funneling back through readers. Emails and comments embedded with nuggets of gold go to my “Interesting things to file” folder, an ever-growing file of gems.

And here’s an example:

Linda, a cyber-acquaintance, is traveling through the painful “firsts” of new widowhood after losing her husband of 37 years. She wrote to me of her love for him and how he had put her needs ahead of his own, one of the most difficult tasks anyone can tackle. She misses him intensely but is determined to remain above negativity.

She wrote, “A quote by Dr. Seuss is my new mantra: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.’ I’m choosing not to be mad at God, and I’m thankful for the love I enjoyed for so long, choosing not to be ungrateful because it ended.”

Linda has the right idea: (1) choosing not to be mad at God, and (2) being thankful for her husband’s love.

Interestingly, Step 1 is what opens the door to Step 2. If we indulge in anger toward the Lord, thankfulness will elude us, but as we set aside our natural desire to blame someone, (especially God), gratitude no-matter-what becomes possible.

Each of us have daily opportunities to think and act like Linda. If we make up our minds to be thankful, that outlook empowers us toward additional good things, like giving our time to others, making sure the excluded are included, going out of our way to serve, and like Linda’s John, putting the needs of others ahead of our own.

I’ve got a long way to go to catch Linda, but her fine example proves it’s possible. So I’m starting right now, feeling thankful for:

Linda.
other widows who’ve shared their stories.
40 years with Nate.
a God who has partnered with me through 3½ years of widowhood.
Adam, a son-in-law who kindheartedly taught me how to blog.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.” (Philippians 4:8)

Hey Mom: from Nelson

Posted on November 11, 2012 by Margaret

Although our family is more than a week past the anniversary of Nate’s death, our children continue to share how they’re coping now, 3 years later. The 7 of them range in age from 22 to 39 and thus are all adults, but they’ll always be their Papa’s children.

We widows (and widowers) sometimes become so focused on managing our own seismic changes that we might forget to ask family members how they’re doing, too. Perhaps thoughts from my grown children can encourage other families who are also working to stay close as a group, despite having lost one parent.

Nate’s and my firstborn, Nelson, is currently far from home in Armenia, where he works full time with a global mission organization, Youth With A Mission. Distance on the globe, however, doesn’t translate to distance of heart:

Hey Mom,

I thought about Papa and you, of course, when we crossed over the Nov. 3 anniversary of his death. I have talked before about how that was the time I re-entered missions with YWAM [Youth With A Mission] with my team. It was a totally unique time.

Seeing the pic of him on your blog this morning really made me miss him. Interestingly, I was struck with regret about how I was as a teenager and beyond, and how I wish our relationship had been “more.” Whatever that means, I don’t know. Maybe it just means that I miss him, and it’s easier to beat yourself up for the past than it is to move on in a healthy way.

Here in Armenia, I hear Russian spoken all the time, and it reminds me of Papa. I still can’t believe he could speak it.

You have demonstrated the right way to move on to all of us and so many others. There is an American guy here who works at the US embassy, who did a DTS a while back. [Discipleship Training School with YWAM] He lost his mother a month ago, and they were really close. He wanted to hear from me about losing a parent, so he took me to a fancy French restaurant the other night, and we “debriefed” a little about it.

God is faithful to use all our experiences for his glory.

Love,
Nel

Our God is a global God, yet he’s also focused on the details of our lives and is “faithful to use all our experiences for his glory.” That includes widowhood and losing a father, as well as youthful mistakes with their consequences, and every other “wish-I-hadn’t” from our pasts. Our heavenly Father is in the business of redeeming our mess-ups by restructuring them as set-ups for positive purposes in the lives of others. Although the devil hopes to immobilize us with ropes of regret, God is always way ahead of him, taking our spiritual lemons and making divine lemonade.

Thank you, Nelson, for your love across the miles and your insightful reminder today.

“Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)

Cyber-words

Posted on August 23, 2012 by Margaret

A few years ago, if you’d have asked me what cyber-friendship was, I couldn’t have answered. Now I not only have an answer, I have lots of cyber-friends. All kinds of readers from every corner of the globe have allowed me to become electronically acquainted with them, and I’ve kept a cyber-file of their stories.

Since my book was published [Hope for an Aching Heart, at left], many people have detailed specific help they’ve received from its pages, and the email quoted below is an example that was deeply moving to me.

Bev writes:

I purchased your book from DHP [Discovery House Publishers] recently, in hopes that it would help me get through the crisis I am experiencing in my life right now.

My husband of 37 years left me without warning, to be with another woman. To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly. I thought my life was over. I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together, but it was not to be. I am having an extremely hard time dealing with this. I saw your book in a leaflet from RBC. Knowing that I am going through most of the same feelings, emotions and challenges that a widow would, I thought maybe this book could be of some help. It’s been amazing!

Ninety-five percent of the book pertains to what I am going through. I just substitute ‘single woman’ for ‘widow’ and ‘marriage breakdown’ for ‘husband’s death.’ I am finding great comfort and help from this book. The prayers at the end of each chapter are wonderful and very pertinent.

Perhaps you could mention it in a blog or elsewhere on your site, that it might be a helpful book also for women who are going through a marriage breakdown and divorce, especially if it’s been a sudden event for them.

God bless you!

Sincerely,
Bev

I’m thankful for Bev’s openness and her willingness to share her heartbreaking story (used with her permission), and I want to encourage anyone enduring marriage struggles to take her advice. The reason she’s found hope is that my book is laced with pieces of God’s book, life-changing truth that can supernaturally jump off the page and into our lives, no matter what the situation. His book is “living and powerful.”

What does that mean?

Hebrews 4 tells us the words of Scripture “discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” That isn’t just so it can judge us. It’s also for the purpose of determining what our hearts need so it can help us. Bev found that even though the book was aimed at widows, God met her in her non-widow circumstance because his Word actively discerned her need and then blanketed it with encouragement and love.