Newlywed Love (#68)

June 6-14, 1970

At Nate's house.After Nate’s last exams and the end of my school year in Danville, the two of us headed off to an all-day Nyman family reunion. From there we continued on to Nate’s home to spend several days with his brother (right) and parents.

Our two little charges, Toby 2 and Baron, came along, providing non-stop entertainment.

From there we drove to Wilmette where Mom and Dad had a chance to get acquainted with their grand-doggies. The first Toby, our family dog for 15 years, had been Mom’s constant companion, and she missed him dearly. Cuddling with two lookalikes did something special for her heart, and even Dad bonded with our little buddies.

Mom loves the puppiesDad and puppy.

During the week we connected with Mary, Bervin, brother Tom, Aunt Agnes, and others, one of which was our friend Connie.

 
She had a new puppy, too, and her roommate was longing for a dog of her own. She asked if we’d ever consider parting with one of our little guys, and though we gave her a firm no, we looked at each other and then told her we’d think about it.

Connie and pup

 

At the beachToward mid-week we drove the 110 miles to our family’s summer cottage in Michigan, where the poochies had their first beach experience. They wore them- selves out dashing up and down the dunes, and though neither braved a swim, both loved scampering along the water line. Nate and I bragged to Mom and Dad about how smart they were, learning to potty outdoors and even whining to get out when they needed to go.

Puppies diggingAs the week passed, we talked about the possibility of parting with one of our puppies. The reality was that two dogs might be one too many in our small Champaign apartment.

By the time we arrived back in Wilmette, we knew what was the wise thing to do – surrender one of them to Connie’s roommate. She was thrilled when we told her and came right over to play with them and learn their personalities.

Since Nate and I loved them equally, we let her choose which one she wanted: it was Toby 2. The only good thing about this transition (so difficult for us) was that now, instead of being a #2, Toby 2 became a full-fledged Toby – and a definite #1 with his new owner.

Holding him closeOur drive back to Champaign after a week away was quiet and sad. I held Baron close, promising him we’d never let him go. The next day, however, brought a bit of bad news. While showing him off to several neighbors, one of them said, “Don’t you know dogs aren’t allowed in our building?”

We hadn’t considered such a possibility and had never thought to ask the landlord. But one thing was certain – hiding one dog would be easier than hiding two.
“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.” (Matthew 10:26)

Newlywed Love (#39)

March 9, 1970

About this time, Nate and I received a long letter from Mom that had us laughing at the beginning but disturbed by the end:

Your father and I attended a co-ed baby shower on Friday. It was different having the daddies there, and you would have gotten some jollies out of seeing the fathers diaper and dress some large baby dolls. It was hilarious! We timed them. Those poor dolls…

Then she wrote:

From there we dropped in on Aunt Agnes and partied further. Your pa and I were driving separately, since I had had to be at the shower early. So, as I arrived home first, it was 12:30 AM. Dad was 15 minutes behind me.

When I unlocked the back door and stepped into the house, everything was topsy-turvey. Burglars!

Police.I hurried back outside to the front of the house to await your father but then noticed the front door was standing open and bedroom shades were pulled down. I ran next door where they helped me call the police, who came in just a few minutes. They asked us to stay outside while they searched the house.

When your dad finally arrived and we got back inside, we saw the definition of the words “ransacked house.” Every drawer had been pulled out and overturned, and there are many of them. The closets were torn apart, clothes walked on, boxes torn in haste. All kitchen cabinets were opened, though nothing was taken from those.

Books.The den was the worst. They had pulled every book off our wall of bookshelves and thrown stationary everywhere – looking for cash. The officer said it was strictly profess- sionals looking for money and jewels. The police found that they had removed a grate off the basement window well, broken the window, and come through.

Dad lost the new engraved watch he was given at his retirement party, and they took the treasury of my women’s club, $85 [about $575 today].

This is a jolting, revolting experience. But let me say, we are counting our blessings. It all could have been so much worse.

Then she went back to her usual jovial style of writing:

Glad you’re making a fast quarter-hundred by giving blood. Remember, “The life is in the blood.”

After reporting the family news, she ended by referencing the biblical John’s writing:

As John writes in his epistles, “my little children,” so I write. Be good. And rest assured of our love and prayers.  Mom

She was remarkable in her casual attitude about the break-in, and we wondered if recovering from the shock of it was as easy as she made it out to be. But as she had often said, “I never have to worry about a thing. Your father does enough of that for both of us.”

It was true. I saw her consistently live that philosophy throughout my growing-up years, and I suppose it’s a pretty good attitude for all of us to emulate. God instructs us not to worry about things, because the Father “worries about things” (i.e. takes care them) enough for all of us.

Jesus said, “I tell you not to worry about everyday life. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Don’t worry about tomorrow.” (Matthew 6:25,27,34)

Newlywed Love (#36)

February 24, 1970

As the weeks of our marriage passed, Nate and I continued to enjoy each other to the fullest. But there was one thing about being married and living far from family and friends that I really missed: time with girlfriends.

With Mary downtownI especially missed my sister Mary (left), but also Lynn, Connie, Julie, my 3 apartment roommates, and my team teacher in Chicago. Though I’d been living and working in Champaign for more than 6 months and loved my job and our little apartment, it hit me that getting married and leaving town had eliminated most of my girlfriend-time.

As I wrote in my journal, “I’m no longer living the frolicsome life of an independent apartment-dweller in the big city. I’m no longer a free agent.”

But as I learned in the months leading up to our wedding, saying yes to marriage meant saying no to other things. And anytime-freedom to be with friends was one of those things.

By marrying Nate, I had chosen to put him first from then on, and I very much wanted to do that. It might take a lifetime to learn to love him in the no-holds-barred way he loved me, but I was committed to trying.

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

The full truth was that as we got married, we were putting a cornerstone into place that would end up being the foundation on which a new household (and maybe a family) would gradually be built – the home of Nathan and Margaret Nyman. Through the years many other stones would be added to that first one, which would end up to be the structure of our lives.

Every idea either of us had from then on needed to pass a test: Is this something that will tear down or build up our household? If we answered honestly each time and made decisions accordingly, we could be sure our home and the relationships inside of it would stand the test of time.

So where did that leave me with my girlfriends? If I spent more time thinking about, talking to, going out with friends than with my husband, small cracks would develop in our foundation. Both of us wanted our relationship to thrive – and to be #1. And we’d been told that marriages suffer when outside interests and people gobble up too much time.

And so, concerning my friends “back home,” Nate and I hashed it out honestly and got all our feelings on the table. Our conclusion was that once in a while both of us could spend time and energy on relationships apart from each other. But we’d have to be very careful. And the other person’s opinion would have to matter.

Jesus as CornerstoneThen we prayed, asking God to superimpose his desires over our own whenever we might be doing harm to our marriage, sometimes even without knowing it.

As always, Nate came down on the side of lots of freedom for me, and just knowing he felt that way helped reinforce my desire to keep him as my top priority.

“Invite your friends to Champaign any time you want,” he said, “and they’ll always be welcome.”

I wrote in my journal:

“It seems so fresh being married to Nate. We talk about everything and also never miss our daily devotional time and prayer together. I think that’s doing the trick for us.”

But of course there was no trick. It was actually Jesus the Cornerstone who was part of the conversation and was keeping all the issues straight.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I lay…. a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic.” (Isaiah 28:16)