Newlywed Love (#31)

February 11, 1970

About this time, Nate had a very rough night that culminated in a severe migraine headache. I had no idea what a migraine was until I watched him suffer through one. His agony was intense, and the only thing that helped was a darkened room with a cool cloth over his forehead and even covering his eyes.

MigrainesHe told me he had suffered through several migraines during high school, but nearly a decade had passed without a single one. Hoping they had just been part of bodily changes from boyhood to manhood, he figured he’d seen his last one.

But there he was, stricken with the worst one he’d ever known, flat on his back and unable to sleep, eat, or even have a conversation. He certainly couldn’t cope with going to classes.

As his “helpmeet,” I felt helpless. Other than to re-soak his face cloth for him, there was little else I could do. And so I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed, longing for God to make him feel better.

Just before it was time for me to go to work, he vomited, and then fell into a deep sleep. His last words before drifting off were, “You go ahead. The worst is over.”

The migraineI penned a quick note and left for school, tremendously worried about my young husband. What had caused this awful attack? Had I done anything to bring it on? And how could we prevent it from ever happening again?

When I returned home later, he was dressed and sitting at the table, bent over his law books. He said he felt drained but that the headache had been completely gone when he’d woken from his morning sleep.

We had a long talk about what might have brought it on and came to no conclusions. He reassured me over and over that it had nothing to do with me. “Since migraines are most likely caused by intense stress,” he said, “then having you alongside me could only help, not hurt.”

We wondered aloud if he should drop one of his classes or quit his job at H & R Block. Feeling fine again, though, he said he didn’t want to do that unless there were more migraines.  I admired his willingness to work so hard, especially since meeting his goals was as much for me as it was for him. But his bottom line was, “Let’s just see what happens.”

And so we prayed together about it, asking God to relieve Nate’s pressure and to keep future migraines away. In the mean time, I had one more question for Nate. “Do you think having some extra sex might increase the odds of never having another headache?”

He smiled his most handsome smile and said, “Well, why don’t we find out?”

And I was so glad to have him back again.

“The Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering.” (Isaiah 49:13)

Newlywed Love (#7)

December 16, 1969

Newlywed blissDuring these early weeks of marriage, Nate and I were focused on each other and our new life together almost to the exclusion of everything else (except our schools, of course). On the surface it seemed selfish, but both of us believed God was endorsing it.

We’d heard that in biblical times, when a couple married, they’d take a “gap year” from all other pursuits to learn to live with each other lovingly and successfully. The culture believed this one-on-one exclusivity would result in a rock-solid foundation for a marriage that could last a lifetime.

Of course there were then (and are now) an endless array of challenges that can get in the way of reaching that goal. As Nate and I talked about this, we learned that focusing on each other meant something different for him than it did for me.

A noteFrom the first day we met on a blind date as college seniors, he had chosen to put me in an honored place in his mind. Since then, not one hour (probably not even 5 minutes) had gone by without him thinking of me, and in his letters, he often told me so.

He strategized how to please me and tried to come up with new ways to prove his love. His mind was focused on me long before mine was on him, but that never stopped him. Getting married, then, was simply an extension of that way of thinking.

For me, our one-on-one newlywed year would accomplish something different. After dating a number of boys, some for years at a time, I came into our marriage with some heavy romantic baggage. In my heart I very much wanted to erase all of those boy-girl memories, and I hoped as Nate and I delighted in each other, all that history would fade away.

As the days passed, that seemed to be happening, and I was grateful. But female minds resist emotional housecleaning, and less than 3 weeks into our marriage, a memory-crisis came out of nowhere.

Random thoughts about the relationship I’d had just before Nate (the non-Christian boyfriend) suddenly began popping into my head on a haphazard basis. They were not thoughts of longing or love but were just indiscriminate memories that took me by surprise…. and took me back to that time. They were unwelcome and disturbing.

I desperately wanted to fix the problem and went immediately to Nate, asking him what to do. Nate was not offended and thanked me for coming to him. But he talked about the danger of this, which I recognized, too.

His first suggestion was that together we pray about it every day, with strong confidence that God would put a stop to it.

We asked the Lord to stand guard over my mind in a way neither of us had the power to do. We knew his desire was that our marriage thrive and remain pure in every way, which included our thoughts. He didn’t want past relationships to contaminate it… and neither did we.

As time went by, our cries to God helped immensely. My dating past began surfacing less and less, and one day I realized I hadn’t thought about my old boyfriend throughout that day.

Just us two.I often told Nate, “My mind and heart belong completely to you, and I love you with everything in me, head to toe. I love no one else in the way that I love you. You are, and always will be, my number one.”

As we happily enjoyed each other’s company one-on-one, I sensed that absolutely nothing was ever going to come between us. God had powerfully answered our prayers by shutting the memory-door and locking it.

But then something happened…. to kick it in.

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.” (1 Corinthians 15:13)

Young Love (#115)

November 15-16, 1969

It was the weekend – before the last weekend – before our wedding weekend! No one was happier about that than Nate and I.

I wondered how Mom’s kitchen renovation was coming along and whether or not she’d had a chance to shop for her own gown. But her diary tells the tale:

IMG_5271“Seeing is believing! Im- possible to visualize our home with a wedding soon!! Soup under piano! Refrig in living room! etc! etc!

A day later she mentioned a friend coming to help her. She wrote, I think she pities me.

But her letters to Champaign continued to be upbeat, one of them written during church while listening to a sermon by George Sweeting:

Pastor Sweeting is elaborating on the financial monopoly as revealed in Rev. 13. The older I grow – and I’ve been around too long already – the more I recognize the sheer anchor of all authority – the Bible. The Author of this Book is my Friend, and His Spirit explains His writings. Pretty good, eh?

IMG_5232At the end of the letter she said she’d heard every word of the sermon and invited me to quiz her sometime. No matter how hard Mom worked or how little sleep she got, she never lost her vitality. She must have been experiencing tremendous pressure, but she never let it show.

As for Nate and I, we joyfully prepared for our first Champaign visit from Mary and Bervin. Nate volunteered to get the groceries while I did the cleaning. After two hours when he hadn’t returned, I began to worry. But when he finally came in, he was all excited.

“Guess what!” And he held up $25 in cash, the equivalent of $150 today. For a couple that was always penny-pinching and was still short, I was flabbergasted.

“Where’d that come from?”

“The Carle Clinic,” he said. “They gave it to me for giving blood!”

Apparently he had answered an ad on the grocery store bulletin board. But despite a blood loss, he seemed hale and hearty, so I had to agree it was a great idea. “Now,” he said,  “we can go to a movie with Mary and Bervin or even out to eat if you want!” That $25 was a fortune to us, and I made a mental note to get over to the clinic myself, as soon as I could.

Bervin and Mary visitWelcoming Mary and Bervin to our little nest was extremely satisfying. Even though we’d been bumping into them in Wilmette now and then, since I moved to Champaign I’d missed my sister a great deal. She and I had been best-buds since toddlerhood, and more than that, she was my #1 confidant and advice-giver. It had been hard to be far apart for long stretches of time.

As the four of us drove around Champaign, the University of Illinois, and Allerton Park, Mary and I huddled in the back seat sharing secrets. I was about to step from singleness into marriage, and what better time to glean wisdom than from a marriage veteran of two years. It was a delightful weekend and flew by all too fast.

On Sunday evening as Nate and I stood on the front steps of our apartment building waving goodbye, my heart started to hurt. I wondered how many years Mary and I would be separated by distance. But the sadness was softened a bit by knowing she and I would soon be sharing a new kind of togetherness…. as wives.

” (Mary’s) ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.” (my version of Proverbs 3:17)