Category Archives: Hearing from God

Young Love (#13)

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Although I still wasn’t sure whether or not I loved Nate and hadn’t signed any of my letters “with love,” I had begun signing his pet name for me, Meg, rather than Margaret. And as I began to look more favorably at him, the other guys I’d been dating started to drop away… except for my church friend. That relationship seemed to be heating up at the same rate as the one with Nate. The only difference was that it was happening in person rather than mostly in letters.

From my journal:

Nate may be “the one.” But I don’t know. I hate to be forced into deciding right now whether or not he’s the one for the future. It seems like it’s boiling down to a decision between Nate and the (church guy). The frustration and confusion I’m experiencing makes me think the decision can’t be made by sensibly stacking facts. They’re both fantastic guys. So I’m just going to continue going out with each of them and see what happens.

illinois-central-railroadI arranged to be with Nate more often, taking the train south to Champaign twice in February. He came north to Chicago for one weekend, paying all the travel bills for both of us. But most of the time, distance separated us, which is when I went on dates with my church friend.

Feb. 6, 1969 – Dear Meg. Every time I bite into a blueberry muffin, I think of you. And a lot of times when I don’t, I think of you. I ran a mile on Sunday, starting to get in shape for summer camp with the Army. I mentioned “camp” the other night at dinner, and one of my men (using his civilian mind) said, “Oh, are you a counselor at a summer camp?” Funny.

Feb. 9, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m glad you like to talk… in letters, on the telephone, in person. It seems there’s nothing we can’t discuss, and we never seem to run out of things to say. I feel like I can ask you any question or present any problem without fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. And I sense my heart changing when I think about you. I think I’m safe in saying the Lord is behind it.

good-lettersFeb. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. You wrote me a good letter; gracious and sensible. Neither of us is ready for engagement or marriage; yet our feelings are more intimate than before. We have achieved something: honesty.

heart-of-candies

Feb. 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. I feel like I found a special “closeness” with you this weekend when we were together. I can’t even pinpoint what caused it or the moment it happened. Now when I’m away from you, I have so many items I’d like to hear your opinion about. Little by little, my confusion is being replaced by order. I slept all but 10 minutes on my return trip to Chicago – clutching my luscious pink heart box of chocolate candies! (I’m eating so much chocolate that when you see me I’ll be one big ugly pimple!)

chocolates

Feb. 15, 1969 — Dear Meg. My feelings for you deepen with every passing day. I’ll write you about coming down to see my parents for dinner. I love you, Meg!

“Love always hopes.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Young Love #9

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On Dec. 27, as I readied for Nate’s long-anticipated arrival, my thoughts were a mix of confusion and expectation. I prayed, asking God to make it a good weekend. And I pleaded with Him to let me know what He wanted for us in terms of any relationship. Lastly, I asked Him to take thoughts of my old boyfriend’s visit out of my mind so I could make an honest assessment of Nate.

From my journal:

blizzardDec. 27, 1968 – When Nate walked in the door, I was surprised at how glad I was to see him. He was in shape and looked good. After dinner and a movie, we walked all over town in the beauty of a blizzard, holding hands. He asked me if I was willing to take off the glove on the hand he was holding, and he took his off, too. He said he wanted to touch my soft skin. I was pleased to be with him, and when he kissed me out there in the snow, I was surprised at my own willingness. We discussed the whole thing as it was happening. He’s definitely a different kind of boy.

He told me he was fairly sure we would be a good match in a marriage. I suppose we would. Our backgrounds are similar, family is important, and he loves children. He’s ambitious, intelligent, has his military situation under control, and is handsome. Of course marriage must include love, which is (as of yet) absent for me. But when I think of the different guys I’ve had in my life, I consider Nate in his own class.

chocolatesOct. 28, 1968 – Nate left today after presenting Mom with a two-pound box of chocolates. He’s got the etiquette all right. Bervin and Mary said they were impressed. I’ll admit… I was, too.

Back to the letters:

Dec.30, 1968 – Dear Meg. I really enjoyed being with you last weekend. I don’t know what the Lord will do about our relationship in the future, but I loved the way He guided it last weekend. Maybe we can discuss each other’s detailed reactions in later letters. And perhaps in person, when my finals are over in late January. Happy New Year 1969!  Love, Nate

Jan. 2, 1969 – Dear Nate. After thinking it over, I’ve decided the smartest, safest thing for us to do about our relationship is to completely leave it in the hands of the Lord. Because of my experience with (my old boyfriend), I’ve decided to quit trying to handle my own fate. Anyway, would you like to go on a “prayer campaign” by praying 5 minutes every day that the Lord’s decision about you and I would have the greatest priority? I want to be extremely cautious as we sort out our feelings. A broken heart, either yours or mine, isn’t worth it. Please expound on your honest feelings.

Jan. 5, 1969 – Dear Meg. Yes, prayer is the best course for us… solemn requests for divine assistance. I have prayed for you many times, and now I will pray for us. My finals end the 17th, but I must stay here until the 23rd when undergrad exams end. The Head Resident might let me away for the 18th. I would like to come to Wilmette. How does that sound? Answer very good. And keep praying.      Nate.

Jan. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. Yes, I would like you to come again. Maybe you could visit me while I’m teaching. The children would love it. Or, if you can’t come here, I could come to Champaign. Maybe you’d better give me a phone number where I can reach you, if need be.

“Be kind to one another.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Young Love (#4)

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As the summer of 1968 moved into autumn, the Vietnam War dominated our nightly news. Nate went back to law school, continuing with his ROTC commitment, and I went back to teaching kindergarten in Chicago.

It was a tumultuous time for our nation with violence erupting even on college campuses, but Vietnam wasn’t the only war going on.

On a more finite level, I was experiencing my own inner war, attempting to handle an 18-month relationship with someone I should never have fallen in love with in the first place. But knowing what’s right and acting on it can be miles apart. Meanwhile, the letters between Nate and I became more frequent.

thoughtfulSept. 10, 1968 – Dear Meg. Thank you for your letter. I applied for and have now become a graduate advisor in an undergrad dorm, which at the moment has me rather nervous. There was a demonstration at the student union; police arrested 300 students. This makes me quite edgy. I would like to come to Chicago, but this job leaves me few weekends. I definitely would like to see you again. Absolutely love to.

Sept. 19, 1968 – Nate, you sound like you have your hands full down there! We heard all about the arrests on the news. Be careful! Tonight I’m miserable with 102 degree fever.

Oct. 17, 1968 – I am very sorry to hear of your sickness. Take all your medicine and sleep a lot. And read your Bible, little girl. This counseling job has a million men (actually 72) depending on me at different times for many things. Such as letting drunk boys in their rooms at dawn. Be good and rest, my little vixen.

thinkingOct. 20, 1968 – Dear Nate. Your letter came at an opportune moment. Today is a blue day for me. I’m through with my strep throat, but I’m really going buggy. I think my dating (the other guy) is dragging me away from the joy of the Lord. There is a constant struggle within me to tell him we should break up and not even be friends, and then in the next minute we are arranging another date. Inside, I know it’s useless, actually detrimental, to keep our relationship going. But don’t worry about me. I’m trying to let the Lord handle the whole situation, even whatever is happening in my mind about (him)…. and also about you. I know I have been trying your patience, and I apologize. P.S. What does “vixen” mean?

Oct. 25, 1968 – “Vixen” means she-fox, beautiful and sly. When you write that you’re upset about (the guy’s) soul, I only can tell you to resolve it with your faith, which I think is stronger than love of any man. And let common sense tell you that snap decisions lead to unhappiness. If you don’t want to quit dating (him), at least date someone else, too.

Oct. 31, 1968 – Nate, thank you so much for your last letter. I have read it over and over, and its encouraging nature was a terrific aid to me. (The other guy) and I are totally finished as of one week ago. The initial grief was shattering. In idle moments I still find my mind wandering to, “Oh, if only…” When the heaviness of the heartache eventually lets up, I hope I will consider myself better off for having gone through it. I’m relieved that the break has been made. (He) opposed it, which made it worse for me, but thank goodness the Lord was backing me up… and people like you.

“Love does not dishonor others.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)