Category Archives: Hearing from God

Nelson’s Journal, Entry #3

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When Nelson died seven weeks ago, one of the gifts that came to his wife Ann Sophie was ownership of his journals. He journaled faithfully throughout his adult life, often working out problems with words on paper, committing them to God as he went along.

A few years ago he switched to journaling on his computer, and it’s these entries Ann Sophie and I have been looking at recently. Nelson never made his journal public, but as we’ve been reading them, we’re learning how he coped with his lung cancer diagnosis. How does it feel to be told you have Stage 4 cancer? How do you cope in the days and months that follow? How do you bear this heavy burden, day after day?

As Nelson tapped out his thoughts each morning, usually at around 5:00 AM, he wrote words that might help us all—should we ever hear a similar diagnosis while sitting in a doctor’s office. The entries are a combination of feelings, scriptures, and prayers.

In our recent blogs we posted Nelson’s thoughts from the day he heard he had cancer, and the day following that (5/10 & 5/12, 2022). Our plan is to back up into January, before cancer, and move through his his last year, posting entries every few days. Maybe he’ll show all of us how best to respond to the shocking news of lethal disease, and what to do next.

January 19, 2022

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord! Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.” (Psalm 25)

Lord, you have really done this for me. Seeing a domestic violence thing in the paper the other day reminded me of where I would be if you hadn’t stepped in and offered me a way out of drinking, and then offered me a way out of a bad relationship. It’s real.

You really do the things you promise in the Bible. Thank you for answering my prayers. I will bank on the promises in the verses above. You have forgotten the sins of my youth, taught me the way to go, pardoned my guilt even in sin after the start of the sober years. And now you have given me offspring.

To see them inherit the land would be amazing and a total miracle. Thank you for little Willard Nelson Nyman who is soon coming into the world. Thank you for what is in a name.

Thank you for Papa [Willard Nathan Nyman] and what he taught me and how in sharing my testimony with the grounds team at Denny’s, I was able to refer to his words about not making decisions only for money. I pray for integrity with money. I can see the temptation to want more than I need, but I do have a family now and don’t want to sell us short. Please show me how to lead them. I know you will.

Should we buy something in Michigan to prepare to move there, or just wait? You know the future, Lord, and know what will happen. I pray for wisdom to know what is wrong and what’s right.

“Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.” (Psalm 25:12)

 

Surprises–Good and Bad

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Christmas time is full of surprises, most of them good. But 48 hours ago Nelson got a surprise none of us would want. After an exhausting day of appointments at Mayo Clinic there in Minnesota, he found himself being admitted to the hospital—his absolute last choice of things to do at Christmas—or any time.

He’s had new breathing struggles with his lung cancer, and on top of that, he’s been suffering severely from what appears to be breaking bones. It began with a neck bone, which finally healed after about six weeks of misery, followed by breaks in a rib, a back vertebrae, his pelvis, hip, and most recently, his knee. Each of these has been accompanied by relentless sharp pain, though Nelson has done a stellar job of remaining on his feet with the assistance of a cane, and staying as active as he can be.

Last week doctors intensified their testing of the bones and learned that the cancer cells have been doing their dirty work on the marrow, weakening the bones to the point of fractures. The doctor said he shouldn’t be putting any weight on his right leg where most of the pain is, because x-rays showed his femur had dangerously thinned and in some places was actually paper-thin. This is when they admitted him to the hospital.

Doctors weren’t sure he could withstand surgery because of his many risk factors, especially his breathing issues, but there wasn’t much choice. So yesterday they operated, putting a long rod into his thigh and stabilizing his hip so it won’t fully break. Nelson did great after the surgery, and Ann Sophie has been in there fighting for her husband’s welfare at every turn, morning, noon and night.

It’s not a surprise that Nelson is angling to get discharged ASAP, but doctors have found a puzzling white substance on the wall of one lung and believe that whatever it is, this is what’s causing his new breathing troubles. So of course they won’t let him go home until they can figure that out.

Meanwhile, little Will just turned nine months and is enjoying his first sled ride. Ann Sophie’s mom and dad, a couple of very hearty grandparents, are working hard on the home front to make everything run smoothly. I marvel at how their cheerful spirits and big smiles never end. Surely their heavenly crowns will be loaded with jewels!

Nelson’s repaired leg can now bear his weight, and he can walk, with the stabilizing support of his cane. His immuno-chemo pills have been temporarily set aside while he recovers from surgery. And yesterday, the cancer itself got a surprise. While the surgeon was inside Nelson’s leg, he zapped all the cancer cells with radiation. At least those cells won’t have their way with Nelson.

We all thank you greatly for your prayers as you battle this terrible disease shoulder-to-shoulder with us. Those prayers are the best Christmas gift ever!

“Answer [us] when [we] call to you, [our] righteous God. Give [Nelson] relief from [his] distress; have mercy on [him] and hear [our] prayers.” (Psalm 4:1)

Inside Out

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Nelson is doing well and feels fairly good. He’s got energy he didn’t have two weeks ago, and today the three of us (four with Will) ran a string of errands during which Nelson never had to sit one out. He’s continuing to meet his five daily goals, and today he ticked off lots of number four’s.

Though the swelling in his tissues continues to worsen and pop up in new places, it isn’t causing pain but is more of an inconvenience. Tomorrow may include several scans to scope out any developing problems.

Overall, he’s doing beautifully, but he’s very tired. His immediate family is tired, too, along with the rest of us. We’re all tired. Unfortunately, cancer never gets tired. It always has the energy to multiply, attack, and relocate without stopping to rest.

When I look at Nelson, I see pretty much the same guy on the outside, but doctors describe chaos on his insides. A war is waging between bad cells and good, both desiring dominance. Evil is fighting against good.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day, I heard Nelson singing in the living room. It was a country tune that revealed a joyful heart. Though he’s got cancer in multiple places, it’s failing in its attempt to dominate him.

Nelson is in a physical crisis but not a spiritual one. His spiritual life is healthy and whole. Actually, it’s flourishing. Why? Because his inner heart, his soul, and his spirit, are being influenced by God’s Holy Spirit, and that Spirit is injecting new life and fresh hope into him every day.

Satan works overtime to kill people, to steal their hopes, to destroy their relationships. But ultimately he has to answer to God Almighty. And God Almighty says, “Letting [my] Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

Nelson has invited the Spirit to control his mind, which is why his inner self is characterized by life and peace.

But what if he was going it on his own, without the governing Spirit of God within him? The best he could do would be to rely on doctors, test results, drugs, and palliative care. Nelson is incorporating those things, too, but his #1 source of stability is the Lord himself.

“God will give life to his mortal body by this same Spirit living within him.” (Romans 8:11)