Category Archives: Hearing from God

The Right Emphasis

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This week I’ve left home to attend a writer’s conference in Wheaton, Illinois. It’s being held at Wheaton College, my alma mater, and being back here is a mix of past, present, and future.

WheatonMuch has changed on campus since I graduated in 1967, but its “bones” remain the same. Two dorms and the off-campus housing of senior year are as they were, and last night I enjoyed a miles-long walk while reminiscing, picking out the rooms I had called home and the places I’d spent so much time. At the end of my walk I sat on a park bench in the center of campus and tried to process it all.

Park BenchPart of looking back is dealing with regrets. Did I make the most of my opportunities? (no) Was I serious enough about studying? (no) Did I separate from best friends to make time for new ones? (no)

But the past is past, and those books are closed. Instead it’s wise to focus on the present, my reason for being on campus this week. This conference is a place to hone the craft of writing, to meet people who love it as much as I do, and to learn of new opportunities. That turns me toward the future.

M & BMost people struggle to find a good balance between what has been, what is, and what is to be. I think of Mary and all that’s happening in her present. Occasionally she wonders if doing something different in her past might have avoided cancer (no). Yet now she faces a worrisome future.

The Bible speaks to our predicament of wondering how much to invest in our personal past, present, and future. The most concise summary is in 1 Corinthians 13:7 where it says that love bears all things [the past]… hopes all things [the future]… and endures all things [the present]. In other words, it’s ok to dip in and out of all 3 time periods, but when we do, we should put the emphasis on love. What does that mean? The phrase just before verse 7 tells us.

It says that love rejoices in the truth. So we can ask ourselves, what’s the real truth about my past? My present? My future? We can choose to love the good in each time frame and rejoice in those truths, letting God take care of all the rest that might bother us.

That goes for me at the Wheaton writer’s conference this week and for Mary, as she faithfully follows through with the treatment at hand.

Jesus said, “Blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.” (Luke 11:28)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for a full day with daughter Stina working on wedding plans.
  2. Please continue to pray about my feeding tube pain, which inhibited my walking today.

The Chemo Room

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Mary is a trooper. She doesn’t complain and accepts what is. And what is, for now, is chemotherapy: every Monday for 3 weeks, then a week off, then another round of the same – for 6 months. That’s a lot of chemo and a lot of stress.

First there’s the anxiety leading up to the hours-long ordeal at the hospital. It isn’t that Mary is skitterish about needles. She’s a nurse by training and has never been squeamish. She bears pain well and gave birth to 7 babies without even a whimper. But waiting in the oncology department at a hospital? That’s rough, mostly because there’s SO much waiting.

IMG_6552Waiting to be tested, talked-to, tested again, given results, hooked up to an IV, and waiting through the infusion.  The system is first come, first served, and after each encounter with medical personnel, it’s back to the end of the line to wait again. Emotionally it’s difficult to pass the time in a crowd of very ill, very subdued patients.

Mary has come to terms with her cancer, but when she’s away from the medical world, she can set aside that reality for a while. Focusing on everyday duties common to people without cancer offers a respite from the exhaustion of pondering it all. But sitting in the chemo waiting room? That brings cancer front and center again.

And then there’s the infusion itself. It isn’t easy watching a bagful of poison drip into your system, especially when you’ve always been careful about what goes into your body. A chemo patient wonders: Will I be vomiting tonight? Or will the effects be minimal? Will I be too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed? And if so, will I be able to sleep? These questions press hard in the chemo room.

IMG_8395Because of all this, daughter Stina put together a beautiful tote bag with comfort-contents, things she thought might help her mom get through 18 chemo treatments: a blanket, reading material, cozy footies, ginger root for nausea, mouthwash, a special water bottle.

Last weekend our ladies group did the same, adding to Mary’s stash: ginger tea, body lotions, sea bands for nausea, a scented candle, snack foods. She may not use everything, but we’re hoping she can feel the love behind it.

IMG_1764(1)When someone has cancer, we’re not always sure what to do or say. Most of us are afraid of being insensitive without meaning to, or even causing offense. But Jesus has the instructive word on this: “Love one another.” We may not always do it perfectly, but because Mary is who she is, she receives what she’s given with joy.

And we hope she feels our love surrounding her…. even in the chemo room.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Continue to pray against nausea.
  2. Pray for more energy to help Stina with wedding plans.
  3. Praise for a quiet day of rest today.

The Choice

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PackageYou blog readers and many others have gifted Mary with everything from daily prayers to letters, greeting cards, flowers, books, cozy clothing items, two prayer shawls, health foods, and more. She’s made use of everything, gratefully wrapping herself in the blessings you’ve shared.

Recently we were talking about all this bounty and she told me (with exclamation points in her voice) how astounded she’s been at the way each gift has been perfectly matched to her need-of-the-moment. “Of course it’s God putting these things together like that,” she said, “but he’s using the generosity of friends to do it. It just amazes me.”

But I think Mary has something to do with it, too. Even in her debilitated condition, now with nausea plaguing her on top of fatigue, she’s making a conscious choice every day to embrace what people send. She could have chosen the opposite approach, thinking, “I don’t deserve these gifts. I’m just going to set them aside. Besides, I can’t read all the books, can’t absorb all the messages.”

Instead she has received each one eagerly, knowing it’s the Lord who’s behind the perfectly-timed arrival of every item. And she doesn’t want to miss anything he’s trying to say to her, through these gifts.

Jesus TodayAs we talked further, Mary gave me an example: “Somebody sent me Sarah Young’s new book, Jesus Today,” she said. During a discouraging moment I opened it to entry #9 and found God’s exact instruction of what I needed to do to lift my mood. Writing from a first-person point of view as if she was Jesus talking, Sarah wrote, ‘As you go through this day, you will encounter things that make you cringe, things that are wrong or ugly. […like cancer] Do not let them become your focus’.”

Mary went on to tell me how the devotional challenged her to “look the right way,” which is to look at Jesus. Ms. Young wrote, “You yearn for perfection, and I [Jesus] am the fulfillment of that deep longing. I am able to stay close to you as you walk through this sin-stained world. So look the right way – toward blessings, toward Me – and the Joy of My Presence will shine upon you.”

Mary marveled at God’s well timed delivery of personal encouragement that day, as he’s done over and over with the gifts she’s received. But when she said, “I want to choose to do that, to ‘look the right way’,” I had to smile. I’d say she’s been doing pretty well at that already.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy.” (Psalm 16:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for sisters in “Club Chemo” who have come alongside with tips and encouragement 
  2. Praise that today was a day with minimal nausea; please pray that this will continue
  3. Pray for the strength to get through the 4 busy days ahead