Category Archives: Heaven

A Fresh Look

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This afternoon the slanted sunshine of winter spilled through our windows. While the rest of the country gathered chips and dips in preparation for the Bears-Packers game, I decided to do something different: paint a couple of stools in the bright sunlight. They’d been primed for six months awaiting their finishing coat, and today was as good a day as any.

Though I don’t have TV, I could have listened to the game on the radio but chose worship music instead. Following football might have been a better idea, however, because when Nate’s favorite hymn, “Blessed Assurance,” came on, I got weepy. Even bright sunlight doesn’t help watery eyes see brush strokes very well.

Bagging the brush and picking up a hymnal, I decided to follow the words as the familiar song played. “Visions of rapture now burst on my sight. I in my Savior am happy and blest. Jesus is mine! O what a foretaste of glory divine!”

Although these words had run through Nate’s mind hundreds of times, their meaning for him now is completely different, more authentic, tangible. Something about that struck me. He was far away experiencing a life radically different than mine. We had much in common until 15 months ago, but now we share very little. Today I’m painting stools. What is he doing?

Sitting in front of me on the coffee table was the book my kids gave me in September, the story of Nate’s life in pictures and words. As precious old hymns played, I read through the book again, feeling intense sadness that Nate was gone. It’s been quite a while since I cried hard, but as I carefully studied his face, especially in the most recent pictures, holding back sobs was impossible.  

Oh to go back! I really miss him. Did I love him enough? Had I put him first? Could I have done more?

I… I… I.

It was self-pity for sure, which doesn’t do much for healing. If anything, it produces inertia. My crying was a good reason to ask God, “What would you like me to think right now?”

He answered with something he’d already told me. “Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances.” (1 Thessalonians 5) I was thankful he brought that up again and gave me something positive to do immediately. Focusing back on the book, I continued weeping but this time found myself rejoicing in the picture-memories and being thankful for all Nate did as a husband and father.

When I came to the photo of Nate sitting in a wheelchair with severe pain on his face, I cried hard remembering his suffering but was enormously thankful for how courageously he bore his pain, a great accomplishment.

As the Bears and the Packers battled it out on the other side of Lake Michigan, the Lord and I sat together for two hours, listening to hymns, rejoicing, talking in prayer and remembering Nate with thankfulness.

Tomorrow, as the Bears nurse their wounds, I’ll finish painting the stools.

“My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong. There is no Rock like our God.” (1 Samuel 2:1a,2b)

Welcome Home to Heaven

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Sometimes I wish I could think simply, like a child, free from decades of mental detail. It’s easy to surmise, assume and guess about the way things are, but often I’m wrong. Ever since Nate died, my thoughts have leaned toward heaven, trying to imagine what his life there is like. But how accurate are they?

I often wonder how God could ever extend the privilege of heaven’s utopia to ordinary humans. We’re hopelessly flawed and completely undeserving. And of course if it weren’t for Jesus’ willingness to pay a sky-high price for our entry, we wouldn’t have a hope of ever living there.

This morning my day began by reading a thrilling blog-comment left by “Beth Jones” in response to yesterday’s post about not losing heart. Here’s part of it:

“[My husband] Bruce preached a funeral message Saturday that focused on Psalm 116:15 ‘Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.’ His last point was about the joy and excitement of our Lord to have us come home to Him with nothing in the way of perfect fellowship with Him. How delightful it is to think of His joy in our coming home… from His perspective!”

When I read this, I got goose bumps. In all my thinking about heaven, I’d always pictured Jesus as the giver and me as the getter. What could I possibly give him that could matter at all? It had never occurred to me he might rejoice to see me coming as if given a gift. Such a thought seems prideful on my part.

What I now understand, however, is that his joy in receiving me and all other Christians is rooted in the enormous investment he made to save us from eternal destruction. Our arrival into heaven is inextricably linked with that sacrifice, which is why he’ll be happy to see us when we arrive.

I can hardly take it in!

I emailed Beth, who talked to Bruce, who emailed me back. During last weekend’s funeral, he expanded on those thoughts: God created us in his image with the intention of having an eternal relationship with us. Until I’m standing in front of him, looking into his eyes and talking with him face-to-face, there will always be a barrier to our relationship, a distance between us.

As Bruce said, it’s because he loves us so much that his heart will “rejoice when we die and are finally home with him.” And that’s why our deaths are labeled “precious” in Scripture.

In recent weeks half-a-dozen elderly “saints” from my childhood church have died, people I grew up knowing and admiring. We’ve joked about a Moody Church reunion going on in glory, with Jesus in the middle of it. I can picture these friends huddled in a circle, arms around each others’ shoulders, jumping up and down as one unit of boundless exhilaration with Jesus the most enthusiastic of all… because they’ve come home to him.

Maybe as I picture that uncomplicated scene, I’m finally “thinking simply,” just like a child. Every little kid loves a party, and I’m glad my invitation to that one is safe and sound.

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” (Psalm 116:15)

Don’t lose heart.

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Last week I received a note in the mail with handwriting I hadn’t seen for quite a while but recognized immediately. It was the strong script of Pastor George Sweeting, the man who married Nate and I in 1969. He was the head pastor at Moody Church then, and we were delighted he was available to perform our ceremony.

As we met with him privately in the days before the wedding, Pastor Sweeting told us he felt invested in the couples he married and offered to be available to us indefinitely through the years of our marriage, should we need him in any way. Although he eventually left the church to become the president of Moody Bible Institute, he kept in touch with us and occasionally reminded us of his offer.

About a month ago, 41 years after he married us, I bumped into Pastor Sweeting and his wife Hilda at a funeral, and we exchanged hugs and had a quick conversation. His letter followed that meeting and means a great deal to me.

This is a man who has spent a lifetime teaching and preaching the truth of Jesus Christ with indomitable optimism and joy. His letter was filled with encouragement not to “lose heart” in my walk through widowhood, and he cited four Scriptures urging me not to get discouraged or give up, two of them from Nate’s favorite biblical chapter, Hebrews 12. When we grow weary and don’t feel like fighting our battles anymore, whether they’re struggles with sorrow or loneliness or the difficult tasks of the day, the Bible tells us to examine the life of Jesus “so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Jesus didn’t have an easy life in any category, yet according to Scripture he never lost heart, gave up or walked off the job. He remained focused on his mission, difficult as it was, all the way to the excruciating end. God offers to equip us to do the same.

Where Nate lives today, not one soul is discouraged, because the temptation to lose heart has no place in heaven. Rather his life is overflowing with  joy beyond words as he lives with Christ among a crowd of other contented believers. Although Nate sometimes lost heart in his earthly life, all of that is but a dim, powerless memory for him now, if even that. And the same happy destiny awaits all of us who align with Jesus.

Although Pastor Sweeting helped Nate and I “tie the knot” that death has now untied, he’s still making good on his promise to help us by encouraging me not to lose heart.

 “We know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus…  Therefore we do not lose heart…” (2 Corinthians 4:14a,16a)