Category Archives: Heaven

Heaven on Earth

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My Widow Warriors warned me it might be difficult to see Nate’s name on pieces of mail or worse yet, to bump into his handwriting by surprise. Because the mail still includes his name almost daily, that part hasn’t been hard. Today, though, I was flipping pages in an old journal, and suddenly there was his distinctive handwriting on a Post-It note.

I’d stapled a couple of grandbaby photos into my journal just after grandchild #2, Nicholas, had been born. Unbeknownst to me, Nate had added his own comment, which I hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t anything earthshaking, but being unexpected, it gave me a jolt. But contrary to what my friends had told me, seeing his writing warmed me inside, reminding me of the everyday relationship we once had.

His note said, “Dearest – We certainly have beautiful grandchildren! The Lord has blessed us. Love, Nate.”

These journal pages were from January, 2009, well before cancer. Nate’s Post-It was written during the height of tension over the non-sale of our house and our uncertain future. He was suffering through sleepless nights of worry, and in the midst of all that turmoil, God had sent a new baby.

Little Nicholas Nyman was the first Nyman in the new generation, and for a few days, his presence (and that of 5 month old Skylar) overruled the never-ending angst in other life categories. Nicholas’ birth date was particularly meaningful since Mary’s daughter, Johanna, gave birth on the same day. Hans and Jo, the same age, were “partner cousins,” growing up together and remaining fast friends to this day.

None of us had expected their babies to arrive simultaneously since the due dates were nearly a month apart. But Jo delivered late, and Katy delivered early, cousins having cousins. We called them our cross-Atlantic twins, since Nicholas was born in England. Because we missed much of his babyhood, we enjoyed looking at Jo’s little Ruby (living locally) and pictured Nicholas, mirrored in her size and development.

Nate appreciated the two grandchildren he’d met and the three he knew would arrive after he departed. Although he wasn’t a natural with babies, once we had our own, he participated 100%, changing as many diapers as I did and pacing just as many miles with a baby on his shoulder.

Before we had grandchildren he often said, “Once you get a grandchild, it’ll be heaven on earth for you.” He knew babies would bring abundant delight, and he got satisfaction just thinking about me being a grandma. As he contemplated his own death, surely it crossed his mind how brief his relationship was with the two grandchildren we had and how non-existent with the three that were on the way.

Yet even as he must have felt sad to be leaving them, I believe he was comforted to know these five little people would be bright spots in my world after he was gone. He was, I’m sure, hoping his absence wouldn’t be as difficult for me because of their presence.

How curious that I’m experiencing “heaven on earth” with five babies… and Nate is experiencing “heaven in heaven.” As much fun as I’m having, he’s probably having even more!

“Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged.” (Proverbs 17:6)

Home Improvement – Part X (conclusion)

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As I left our house for the last time on moving day, God let me hear him and sense his presence right next to me in a powerful way.  He aborted a meltdown and energized me to leave our home on a cheery note. Even better, he rejuvenated my faith in him.

But the good stuff didn’t end there. God gave me a “double-dip” and let me “see” him twice in relation to the house sale. During the four years of trying to sell, we’d been on a roller coaster of irritation and uncertainty, wondering when the torment would end. Had we misheard God? Had we usurped his leadership? Why wouldn’t he bring the one buyer we needed?

In 2004 when we first put our home on the market, our plan was to downsize locally by buying a small townhouse. Birgitta hadn’t started high school and wanted to attend where her siblings had gone, so we planned to stay there four years and then put the townhouse on the market. Nate didn’t have spine problems then, and of course lethal cancer hadn’t crossed our minds.

By the time the house finally sold, Birgitta had traveled through all four years of high school, and the reason for buying a town home had evaporated. It was as if God structured the delay to save us from having to sell yet another piece of real estate in order to move to Michigan. So, the same four years we viewed as major setbacks were actually stepping stones toward our heart’s desire, which was to live full-time on the other side of the lake. And in this realization, I sensed God’s active presence again.

We had longed to move to a place of peace and solitude, especially after Nate’s back began troubling him, and the cottage offered that setting. God facilitated skipping the “middle-man” house and got us settled at our Michigan address just before the cancer became known. The work of moving and unpacking had been completed, and because of the house sale, our finances had been stabilized. If there is such a thing as being prepared for a crisis, we were.

I’ll never forget a conversation Nate and I had about two weeks into his six weeks of cancer. Although the discussion was punctuated with pain, he spoke with a deep peace in his voice. “I see now why God made us wait four years to sell the house. He saw all of this [cancer] and wanted to get us to Michigan right away. I also see that when I’m gone, you’ll be living here, where you love to be.”

Although I was crying, he wasn’t. He “got it,” and all his anger and frustration over not being able to sell the house had evaporated. He was glad to be where we were then, and I’m glad to be living where I am today.

In the process of our house changing hands, I had the thrill of sensing God’s presence twice, but Nate has outdone that. In the one move he didn’t plan, from Michigan to heaven, he didn’t just sense God’s presence but relocated into his actual presence! And I know he’s really glad to be where he is today.

“You have made known to me the paths of life; you will make me full of gladness with your presence.” (Acts 2:28)

Home Improvement – Part III

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After we finished painting all the rooms in our house, we’d done everything possible to make it sell. Potential buyers came and went, each one raving about how “charming” our home was and how much “character” it had, but no one made an offer. As Linnea said, “If that house ever sells, you’ll know for sure it’s God who does it.”

I thought about our perseverance. It was fruitless. Why was it so important to God anyway? The answer, of course, was that perseverance is one of his character traits, and he’s a champion at it. We’re to emulate him, and cultivating perseverance is part of that calling.

In the Old Testament, Abraham’s offspring, the children of Israel, were about as difficult to deal with as any rebellious child of our time. Yet God modeled perseverance to the nth degree, continuing to love them without conditions. He loves us that way, too.

God also demonstrates perseverance in his efforts to teach us, despite our inability to learn everything he wants us to know. But he uses a variety of methods and sets up life circumstances as object lessons to make our learning easier.

And most impressive is how he persevered to find a way to bridge the chasm between our sin and his sinlessness, letting Jesus go to the cross to absorb our judgment. His perseverance in finding a way for us to be forgiveness is the one and only reason we have access to heaven. If he’d have thrown in the towel and said, “I’m giving up on them,” we’d all be damned.

When I thought of God’s flawless perseverance, my complaints about the house not selling “after all we’d done” seemed trite. God wasn’t doing what I wanted him to, and I was annoyed. But of course there was a good reason for his resistance. I just didn’t know what it was.

When we’d originally put the house on the market, Birgitta was about to enter high school. By this time she was a senior, closing in on graduation, and my patience was wearing thin. We knew seven people who’d put their homes on the market after we had, and during those four years, all seven had sold. We thought maybe we should take down the “For Sale” sign and put up “House for Free.”

As the weeks went by, every time the realtor called to say a new family was coming to look at the house, I’d jump into action: stop what I was doing, wipe the sinks, close the toilet lids, shake the rugs, straighten the throw pillows, turn all the lights on and put Jack in the car. This was done without hope for a sale but strictly because I didn’t want the realtor to know I’d given up.

And then one day it happened. She called and spoke the magic words: “We have an offer!”

We’d heard these words twice before without finalizing a sale. But if we were ever going to sell, it would have to begin there. Did we dare to hope?

(…to be continued)

“What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?” (Job 6:11)