Predicting the Future

I feel like I’m living in a crystal ball and have the ability to predict the future. That’s because I’m thinking about 5 years ago at this time and know what happened next.

On this date, October 20, Nate was two weeks from his death. We all knew the situation was severe, but none of us knew the end would come so soon.

Nate's last birthday.I’ve been reading last year’s blogs, and today we were signing Hospice papers, including the most emotional one, a living will. Our children demonstrated great strength that day when I was feeling weak, stepping forward to sign as witnesses beneath their father’s signature on the document. Could there be any more difficult task in the life of a child?

But surprisingly, in examining the negatives of those days 5 years ago, several striking positives have emerged:

1. First of all, new waves of appreciation for Nate have washed over us. Once someone is gone, all petty grievances disappear. It’s easy to focus on the good, and all of us are wholeheartedly thankful for Nate, without the slightest reservation.

2. The second positive has been fresh gratitude toward God, who repeatedly pulled us out of a sea of sadness and set our feet on solid ground. When everything else was stormy, the Lord kept us calm, and that included Nate. God showed his involvement daily and kept every scriptural promise. He didn’t stop the cancer, but he held us close throughout the ordeal, and does so still.

3. A third positive is becoming aware of the progress over these 5 years. Today we’re all veterans of grief. It was hard work, lasted a long time, and involved plenty of tears. But each of us has increased in our understanding of what it’s like to mourn someone we love. We’ve also learned that the process includes times of well-being and peace, side-by-side with sorrow.

4. Because of our experience in losing Nate, all of us can commiserate with others who’ve lost someone special, which is positive number four. We can say, “I know how you feel” to a hurting friend and mean it.

5. Five years ago, our days were packed with problems, losses, and emergencies. We had no time to process what was happening or think too deeply about it. The demands of each day called for putting one foot in front of the other and getting through “just barely.” Now, because life has regained routine, we have the time to ponder, an important positive.

6. And one more: we have a stronger focus on eternity. Part of the October 20th blog 5 years ago was the detailing of a new strategy: we decided that day to start talking about heaven. I wrote, “The time has come to shine a spotlight on his brightest hope.”

It’s true none of us lives in a crystal ball, but because we know the Lord, we can accurately predict that our separation from Nate is only temporary. The future sees us together again in heaven, and focusing on that is positive indeed.

”I give [my sheep] eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” (John 10:28)

Up to Down to Up

A while ago several of my kids and I got a kick out of watching the comedian Jerry Seinfeld on DVD. One of his bits has stuck with me, a clever commentary on children and their parents:

When you’re little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up.

“Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I’ll clean up! Just let me stay…up!”

 Parents, of course, are just the opposite. Everything is down.

“Calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that… down!”

In another week, all 9 of my grandchildren will be at my house. I’ve been working to baby-proof the rooms, removing breakables and swallowable objects as I go. No matter how I try, though, their parents will find all sorts of interesting things in those youthful mouths.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers are experts at reaching the things we adults think have been put… up. Not even the kitchen counters are safe once they figure out the stools. And so we do what level-headed adults do: we put stuff up higher.

Car keys, cell phones, ipods, DVDs, candles, phone chargers and other valuables will end up heaped in places we can barely reach. To us it’ll be a slight inconvenience. To the children it’ll be frustration. Their days will be spent looking… up, and scheming to bring stuff… down.

The problem comes in having cross purposes. Our little people judge themselves capable of handling adult-only items, while we know their touch brings death to valuables. Interestingly, when we provide substitutes, (toy phones or blank keys), they quickly learn the ploy and toss them aside.

Little children are to us what we are to God. When we look to him, it’s always “up.” He’s higher than we are in all categories, and his decisions to keep certain things out of our reach are for our good. Just as kids can’t understand why they can’t have our breakables, we get frustrated when God doesn’t give us what we want, too.

Children whine and reach endlessly for whatever is too high for them, but I ought never to whine at God. His “up’s” should be allowed to stay there without me complaining about it. When I’m wanting what he doesn’t want me to have, I’m missing what has already come… down… and is available to me: Jesus himself. 

Someday, after a new heaven and earth come… down, even  frustrated toddlers will finally be able to reach everything that used to be… up.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming… down… from the Father of the heavenly lights.” (James 1:17)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for a family-filled holiday weekend and for feeling good after 2 weeks away from chemo.
  2. Please pray I’ll have an improved attitude about going back to chemo. Once I’m feeling good, it’s very hard to head back into it.

The Spy Club

Everybody loves to belong, because it’s no fun being stuck outside looking in. We belong to families, clubs, student bodies, churches, small groups, neighborhoods and more. Most of us have also been excluded or eliminated from belonging, since rejection comes in all shapes and sizes.

When I was a school girl, I had the same strong desire to belong that every other girl had. Thankfully I found Carol, who turned out to be my best buddy from kindergarten through fifth grade. We were a group of two, and if we felt excluded by the other girls, we had the perfect solution: start our own club.

Margaret and Carol

In the back of my primitive journal from those days, I discovered the founding document of “The Spy Club” started in 1955 when Carol and I were 10. There were 8 important rules:

  • Never back out on any of the members.
  • Must always be ready for duty.
  • Must be brave at all times.
  • When on pleasure trips, must not spy.
  • Never get too close when spying.
  • When spying on one person, never take to another until finished with the first one.
  • Must wear pin at all times, and you will be checked at every meeting and at school.
  • Must be at all meetings unless of a good excuse.

Beneath this list was a description of the initiation process: to go on a brave spying trip.

At the bottom of the legal-sized sheet are the signatures of the club leaders: Margaret Johnson and Carol Miller. (We were also the only club members.) No doubt our finest missions were spent spying on the girls from whom we felt excluded.

All are welcomeThere’s only one club I know of that’s open to any and all people, and that’s God’s Club. The one qualification needed is a sincere desire to submit to him as personal Lord. Anyone willing to do that can join the Club by going through the initiation: repenting of personal sin.

There are no club dues, because one Donor paid them all, and that was Jesus. His death covered the cost of being in the Club for all of us, and once we’re “in”, God will never turn us out. We might choose to quit, but he won’t ever quit on us.

When we join this Club, benefits abound! Every scriptural promise becomes ours, and we can look forward to One-on-one time with our Leader, any time of day or night. Best of all, our Club will never end. Every other club will eventually dissolve just as the Spy Club did, but God’s Club will continue into eternity with the assurance that every member will be included forever.

Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die’.” (John 11:25-26)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m exceedingly thankful my feeding tube feels so much better! The antibiotics are working.
  2. Though my veins are suffering from so many infusions, I’m praising God the medical staff found a good vein on Monday for #12.
  3. I’m thankful next week is my “off” week, allowing my veins to rest.