Nelson’s journal 6/17/22

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Margaret

Scripture outlines the best way for people to live. Following God’s advice will guarantee a satisfying, productive life, but oh how difficult it can be to actually live that way.

In today’s journal entry, writing as a man who has a deadly cancer, Nelson tries to convince himself not to fear what hasn’t happened yet.

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June 17, 2022

“Been journaling a fair amount up here in Rochester [MN], our new home, since we arrived about a month ago. It’s been tough with all the pain and pain pills, to stay motivated to write and do academic stuff. Funny that the things you worry about seldom happen, and the ones you never think of, actually do.

Take my condition here. In years past I worried a fair amount about being gone from my extended family out in Hawaii or India or wherever I was traveling, and missing things, thinking that maybe someday I’d regret it.

I thought maybe one day, when Mom gets sick or dies, that I’d wish I had been around. But believing I was called to be where I was, combined with Mom’s blessing on it, justified staying the course.

Then all of a sudden one day, in the ER in Kona, I was told “Cancer” by the doc as I was admitted for a 5 day stint. We bailed on the islands in record-breaking fashion and started living here in an apartment and even inviting Mom to live with us, and she’s been our roommate ever since.

Now she and I are spending time together, not mission-out or anything. The only thing is: we are not here because she’s sick, but it’s me instead. What I feared didn’t happen, but something else did, something I never thought about that brought about the same result, and even quicker.

Got the news May 10th, were on a flight the 15th, landed in MN the 16th, moved into our apartment the 17th. I had a MN driver’s license the 18th.

I feared all my partying might catch up to my health, but the cancer I have isn’t connected with smoking or exposure to chemicals, they tell me.

Worry for tomorrow is always a threat and constant battle, but it’s usually so misdirected and incorrect.

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“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

Nelson’s journal 4/6/22

Posted on May 21, 2023 by Margaret

Baby Will is 22 days old, already going through his first life-crisis. His non-stop crying has pulled Nelson and Ann Sophie into the crisis, too, unsure about how to handle it. All three of them are worn out and frazzled, wondering if something could be seriously wrong.

Nelson still doesn’t feel good and is dealing with a variety of uncomfortable symptoms but is taking the recommended meds for a possible thyroid problem.

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April 5, 2022

5:30am. We almost went to the ER last night because of the constant unrest and crying in our little baby boy Will. Can’t settle, nothing works, seems like stomach pain. Maybe acid, GERD, or probably Colic like I had when I was young [for 3 months].

Thinking about it lasting for 12 weeks is hard to handle. It’s pretty much a full time job for the two of us, so the other one can get a break. When a baby is screaming, it’s hard to handle it for hours on end without a rest. Not to mention, I’m sure it’s even harder for him.

We are praying, Sherina [midwife, right] is coming over, and I dumped $50 last night on natural gas and other remedies. I just got him up, fed him about half of what I would like to have seen him eat, and put him back. Glad to even see that happen. Normally, he doesn’t go down easy. It’s at least an hour of trying to calm him and many attempts before anything really takes.

Maybe it’s spiritual warfare and there’s my thyroid sickness on top of it, which makes the whole thing just a little edgier. Meanwhile, my last sermon is this Sunday, and I haven’t decided on the passage yet.

I’ll be glad to put that season behind me at long last. I learned a lot of things, one of which is that I am not really a pastor at heart. The teaching, preaching thing, yes, but calling and checking up on people, listening, and spending time are things I do out of duty. Maybe it’s all this time in Kokua Crew and YWAM that’s burned me out.

Derek [left] comes in next week and we lend him the Miata. It’s great to be able to pay him back for all his generosity to me over the years.

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Today, I’m thankful for Will going back to bed so easily. I’m thankful for Annso and her positive attitude. I’m thankful for our place here in Kona for so long, and the position we have and all the trust the campus gives us. I’m thankful for our Kokua Crew and how nice they always are to us, and for progress with the thyroid. I pray for healing for me and for Will. I’ve always taken my health for granted, but now I realize what a gift being healthy really is.

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Nelson’s journal 3/11/22

Posted on May 7, 2023 by Margaret

Nelson defines “aggrandizement” and wonders, through his keyboard, how self-aggrandizement might be factoring into his life.

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March 11, 2022

I finally got around to filling out the survey for Jimmy’s internship at church. I was asked to rate this one: “Willingness to live as a servant without pursuit of personal aggrandizement.”

Aggrandizement: to increase the power, status, or wealth of…myself.

That’s actually a biblical axiom taught by Jesus in Matthew 6 and 7 about money and other things that can corrupt a person’s character. Jimmy’s school actually rates a person based on that.

When I look into my own heart and think about how I see money and the choices I make trying to go after a career, I have to at least check myself on that one. Does that describe me? I have to admit that personal aggrandizement is a motivator some of the time. Interesting to think about.

Luke 12:16: ”And (Jesus) told them this parable: The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.’

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

It’s almost like the guy was given the “abundant harvest” as a test. What would he do with it? He asked himself this question. We have his answer. And we have God’s response to this man. “You fool!”

What do I do when God rewards my work? What does it mean to be rich toward God?

Henri Nowen talks about traveling with nothing but the clothes on your back like a monk, so that you are truly reliant on God. Then he can use circumstances to steer your path, instead of us relying on our wealth and power.

We are waiting on Annso to give birth to our little baby boy. Mom is here. Ralph and Astrid (Ann Sophie’s parents) are not. Waiting is not that hard as long as I know everything is ok in there. It’s hard not to let the horror stories creep you out a little, when there is delay. The enemy works havoc on you in the waiting.