Newlywed Love (#48)

March 30, 1970

As the Easter break came to a close, Nate and I headed back to our schools feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the last weeks of the academic year. The only negative was knowing it was time for me to talk to Principal Scarce about changing my classroom assignment for the fall.

PortraitI badly wanted to go back to teaching kindergarten and knew it would upset him if I left his 1st grade empty. That was because both Judy and Linda planned to leave McKinley, too. Judy’s husband was about to get his grad degree, and they would be headed to his first job in New York City. Linda had found a teaching job closer to Champaign. That meant nearly half of Mr. Scarce’s classrooms would need new hires.

I decided to bite the bullet and head for Mr. Scarce’s office first thing Monday morning. As anticipated, when I gave him the news he wasn’t happy. “Well….,” he said, “my kindergarten teacher isn’t going anywhere, so you’re out of luck.”

I told him I knew that and had planned to look at other schools. “I don’t know of any kindergarten openings,” he said, “and Danville has only a handful of elementary schools.”

Despite his discouragement, I had to try.

God must have agreed with me that I was better at teaching kindergarteners than 1st graders, because when I called the Board of Ed, one kindergarten slot had just opened. I made an appointment to interview several days later and hoped no one else would get there ahead of me.

Although my sweet 1st grade kids and I were making it through the year, it wasn’t without stress.Kindergarten classroom

Teaching kindergarteners didn’t even seem like work. Maybe it was the joy of shepherding them through their first school experience or the time available to sing, dance, and play together.

Maybe it was the absence of educational testing. Or maybe I just loved their cuteness. One thing I knew was that I’d rather read to children than teach them to read.

Back at the apartment that evening, I brought Nate up to date. As we talked, it was evident the heaviness of law school had settled back over him. Rather than feeling bad about that, though, I was thrilled to be the wife who was privileged to relieve his stress.

PoetryAs he studied, I got busy baking a batch of sugar cookies, his favorite, frosting them in different colors. Then, after making a pot of coffee, I coaxed him into a study break. As he munched, I presented him with a simple “poem” I’d written for him.

 

 

 

 

Schmooch.After that, I enticed him onto the couch where I learned that a quick sexual romp can be a better stress reliever than even a whole batch of frosted sugar cookies.

“True to your word, [Father], you let me catch my breath and sent me in the right direction.” (Psalm 23:3, The Message)

Newlywed Love (#42)

March 17, 1970

Kiss-meAlthough both Nate and I came from mostly-Scandinavian backgrounds, when St. Patrick’s Day came around it was a different story. My mom had been half Irish, and she told us she’d “lost all her Swedish blood in nosebleeds as a child.”

She adored her Irish father, someone I never met but had heard tales about. Apparently Mom got her lively side from him and was closer to him than to her mother. It sounded like a two-peas-in-a-pod situation that went all the way back to her birth.

Mom arrived at least a month prematurely, but in those days babies were born at home, and no one kept track of due dates, birth weights, or even exact birth dates. Mom, born in December, had no info other than that she wasn’t expected until late January.

She was a tiny newborn, and the doctor told her father, “She probably won’t make it, so don’t name her. Then you won’t get too attached.”

SmackBut Mom defied the odds, and her father admired the baby-spunk in her. Following doctor’s orders, the family called her “Baby” for many weeks. Then finally, just before St. Patrick’s Day, her father said, “I’m going to give her a name.”

He began calling her “Pat” in honor of the holiday he loved, and though eventually they christened her “Evelyn,” her father called her Pat the rest of his life. So did many others. With her very-blue eyes, dark hair, and pale complexion, she looked the part and definitely had her father’s Irish wit.

That’s why, when March 17 came around each year of my childhood, our home glowed green. Mom was decked out accordingly and always wore her “Kiss me – I’m Irish!” button with pride. She served an all-green meal, and heaven help us if we didn’t dress in green that day.

Card frontThis year, 1970, I gave my new husband a homemade St. Patrick’s card with “smack” and a pair of lips drawn on the homemade envelope. He also got a store-bought card filled with affection:

“You are truly my one and only love…. the one I get so excited about seeing at the end of each day.”

Store-bought card

That evening after we had eaten our 69 cent “Chicken Baronet” dinner (out of a box), Nate surprised me with “the sweetest shiny green shamrock box of chocolate candy that I ever saw.”

Journal

 

Life was good, and little things meant a lot. But as we munched on chocolates and opened the day’s mail, we received an unexpected surprise that was REALLY big!

“My cup overflows with blessings.” (Psalm 23:5)

Newlywed Love (#36)

February 24, 1970

As the weeks of our marriage passed, Nate and I continued to enjoy each other to the fullest. But there was one thing about being married and living far from family and friends that I really missed: time with girlfriends.

With Mary downtownI especially missed my sister Mary (left), but also Lynn, Connie, Julie, my 3 apartment roommates, and my team teacher in Chicago. Though I’d been living and working in Champaign for more than 6 months and loved my job and our little apartment, it hit me that getting married and leaving town had eliminated most of my girlfriend-time.

As I wrote in my journal, “I’m no longer living the frolicsome life of an independent apartment-dweller in the big city. I’m no longer a free agent.”

But as I learned in the months leading up to our wedding, saying yes to marriage meant saying no to other things. And anytime-freedom to be with friends was one of those things.

By marrying Nate, I had chosen to put him first from then on, and I very much wanted to do that. It might take a lifetime to learn to love him in the no-holds-barred way he loved me, but I was committed to trying.

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

The full truth was that as we got married, we were putting a cornerstone into place that would end up being the foundation on which a new household (and maybe a family) would gradually be built – the home of Nathan and Margaret Nyman. Through the years many other stones would be added to that first one, which would end up to be the structure of our lives.

Every idea either of us had from then on needed to pass a test: Is this something that will tear down or build up our household? If we answered honestly each time and made decisions accordingly, we could be sure our home and the relationships inside of it would stand the test of time.

So where did that leave me with my girlfriends? If I spent more time thinking about, talking to, going out with friends than with my husband, small cracks would develop in our foundation. Both of us wanted our relationship to thrive – and to be #1. And we’d been told that marriages suffer when outside interests and people gobble up too much time.

And so, concerning my friends “back home,” Nate and I hashed it out honestly and got all our feelings on the table. Our conclusion was that once in a while both of us could spend time and energy on relationships apart from each other. But we’d have to be very careful. And the other person’s opinion would have to matter.

Jesus as CornerstoneThen we prayed, asking God to superimpose his desires over our own whenever we might be doing harm to our marriage, sometimes even without knowing it.

As always, Nate came down on the side of lots of freedom for me, and just knowing he felt that way helped reinforce my desire to keep him as my top priority.

“Invite your friends to Champaign any time you want,” he said, “and they’ll always be welcome.”

I wrote in my journal:

“It seems so fresh being married to Nate. We talk about everything and also never miss our daily devotional time and prayer together. I think that’s doing the trick for us.”

But of course there was no trick. It was actually Jesus the Cornerstone who was part of the conversation and was keeping all the issues straight.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I lay…. a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic.” (Isaiah 28:16)