Category Archives: Learning from our past

Newlywed Love (#35)

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February 20, 1970

It was a treat to drive the “new” Mustang to school with Judy and Linda. Judy drove one week, and I drove the next. Our car was performing well and had a comfortable ride. Roads continued to be a problem, though, with lots of winter snow, and at the end of each day, we were thankful for no mishaps.

Icy.What neither Linda nor I knew, however, was how stressful the driving was for Judy, someone who was raised in Hawaii and had no experience driving on snowy highways. She didn’t have a natural sense of caution in slippery conditions and had never been in a spin or a slide.

 

Our 40 mile trip from Champaign to Danville each day was mostly driven at high speeds on I-74, a well-traveled expressway. And with such a snowy winter, it was inevitable we’d one day have an incident — which we did.

It was early morning, and the three of us were on our way to school. Judy was driving when we hit a bad patch of ice, causing the car to start a spin. It went all the way around and then some, finally coming to a stop – in the middle of I-74 facing oncoming traffic.

Icy road safetyThis was a moment of panic, especially for poor Judy, but God was watching over us. A businessman motoring behind us pulled to the shoulder, wanting to help. Apparently he had witnessed our spin and realized we were still in danger. He got out of his car and directed Judy as she worked to turn her car around on the ice and move out of harm’s way.

Thankfully it was early morning, and traffic was light. Our good Samaritan watched for cars, putting himself at risk, and made sure we were all ok before continuing on his own commute.

When we had sufficiently recovered, I asked Judy if she wanted me to drive the rest of the way to school. She was relieved, and accepted the offer.

Having driven in many Illinois winters, I had plenty of ice-and-snow experience, along with a few of my own spin-outs. But doing a 360+ on this treacherous highway had been sobering for me, too, so I proceeded with caution.

After the school day, when I arrived home and told Nate of our “adventure,” he responded with fatherly concern for our safety and offered to drive us to school after that. But of course such a favor was unworkable. I did appreciate his protective response, though.

Love.“If anything happened to you,” he said, “I don’t think I could go on.” And sitting together that evening turned out to be extra special. I was twice-warmed…. from the glow of our fireplace and the warmth of Nate’s love.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

Newlywed Love (#31)

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February 11, 1970

About this time, Nate had a very rough night that culminated in a severe migraine headache. I had no idea what a migraine was until I watched him suffer through one. His agony was intense, and the only thing that helped was a darkened room with a cool cloth over his forehead and even covering his eyes.

MigrainesHe told me he had suffered through several migraines during high school, but nearly a decade had passed without a single one. Hoping they had just been part of bodily changes from boyhood to manhood, he figured he’d seen his last one.

But there he was, stricken with the worst one he’d ever known, flat on his back and unable to sleep, eat, or even have a conversation. He certainly couldn’t cope with going to classes.

As his “helpmeet,” I felt helpless. Other than to re-soak his face cloth for him, there was little else I could do. And so I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed, longing for God to make him feel better.

Just before it was time for me to go to work, he vomited, and then fell into a deep sleep. His last words before drifting off were, “You go ahead. The worst is over.”

The migraineI penned a quick note and left for school, tremendously worried about my young husband. What had caused this awful attack? Had I done anything to bring it on? And how could we prevent it from ever happening again?

When I returned home later, he was dressed and sitting at the table, bent over his law books. He said he felt drained but that the headache had been completely gone when he’d woken from his morning sleep.

We had a long talk about what might have brought it on and came to no conclusions. He reassured me over and over that it had nothing to do with me. “Since migraines are most likely caused by intense stress,” he said, “then having you alongside me could only help, not hurt.”

We wondered aloud if he should drop one of his classes or quit his job at H & R Block. Feeling fine again, though, he said he didn’t want to do that unless there were more migraines.  I admired his willingness to work so hard, especially since meeting his goals was as much for me as it was for him. But his bottom line was, “Let’s just see what happens.”

And so we prayed together about it, asking God to relieve Nate’s pressure and to keep future migraines away. In the mean time, I had one more question for Nate. “Do you think having some extra sex might increase the odds of never having another headache?”

He smiled his most handsome smile and said, “Well, why don’t we find out?”

And I was so glad to have him back again.

“The Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering.” (Isaiah 49:13)

Newlywed Love (#29)

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Newlywed Love (#29)

February 6, 1970

Nate and I had been married for 70 days when we hit some “white water rapids” in our adjustment to being husband and wife. Much like the misunderstanding that occurred when he bought the Christmas tree without me, this episode was similar. It was a minor disagreement related to how our varied upbringings had taught us differently — neither was right or wrong, just not the same.

As with the Christmas tree, my response was not to ask rational questions or use logic but to burst into tears.

I wasn’t weeping to manipulate Nate or get my way. That hadn’t even occurred to me. The crying was completely involuntary, and as always, I made no attempt to hold it back.

What I hadn’t considered was how upsetting my tears were to Nate, just as they had been in December. He immediately blamed himself for causing me to cry, which he saw as a catastrophe. This compounded the issue at hand and tipped the blame heavily in his direction. And that wasn’t right.

After our clash, we had restored our relationship quickly with lots of hugging and affirmations of love. But the next morning, as I tried to teach school, I was still bothered by my irrational tears and the extra stress they added to Nate.

I kept picturing his grief-stricken face as he tried to comfort me enough to stop my crying, and I felt terrible about it.

During my lunch break, I decided to write him a letter.

The only paper I had was a sheet of newsprint from my students’ art bin, but it was good enough. I wanted to reassure Nate of my unshakable love and also thank him for putting up with my tears. And I wanted him to know that my weeping wasn’t “the end of the world” as he seemed to think it was.

Letter.

I knew I couldn’t ask Nate to just get used to it, and I didn’t want him to go to the other extreme, disregarding my tears as insignificant. I loved when he comforted me. But I hoped he could learn not to see it as a disaster but just as one of the foibles of his bride.

I wanted him to know, in writing, how grateful I was for his patient, caring response to me the day before, and in a way, I wanted to apologize for upsetting him so much.

By writing a letter, I hoped to build up my young husband and sympathize with him for his having to accept me “as is.” And rather than hand it to him that evening, I decided to mail it – from Champaign to Champaign.

Envelope

That way the message would have greater impact than if I just said it out loud. He could read and re-read it, hopefully being uplifted each time.

I thought back to our pre-marriage days when both Nate and I had prepared for marriage by reading books about it. All the authors agreed that difficult challenges were sure to come, and we had said, “Oh, not with us.”

Now we were beginning to see what they meant.

“After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.” (1 Peter 5:10)