Category Archives: Learning from our past

Newlywed Love (#20)

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January 15, 1970

The month was half over, and it was time to establish another tradition: the burning of the Christmas tree. My family had done that almost every year, and it was always a festive evening.

StairwayNate and I walked two floors down and knocked on the door of friendly neighbors in our building. Fred and Alice were a sweet elderly couple who had been kind to us from the day we moved in. I remember Nate shaking hands with the old man the day we met. “So,” he said, “what do you do?”

Alice answered for her husband. “I have no idea what he does now, but he was a bank examiner when I married him.” Then they both laughed. Nate and I found that statement to be a charming commentary on a happy marriage and quoted it to each other often after that, always remembering Fred and Alice.

When we asked if we could borrow a saw, they wanted to know what we were sawing. “Our Christmas tree,” Nate said. “We’re going to burn it in the fireplace tonight.” Fred and Alice’s apartment was the identical layout to ours, but we doubted they’d ever used their fireplace. It looked pretty clean.

“Well,” said the old man, “don’t burn the building down. It would be a disappointment if we had to move.”

well used sawThey sent us off with a well-used saw and a plateful of yummy brownies topped with powdered sugar – wonderful examples of warm hospitality.

Back upstairs, it was easy to dismantle the tree – two ornaments and one string of lights. The sum total of our Christmas decorations fit nicely into a shoebox. And then it was time to make a big fire.

The previous August, when we had been hunting for a rental apartment, we had narrowed it down to two possibilities: one had a swimming pool, the other a fireplace. We agonized over the choice, but the fireplace won out.

Since even before Nate and I had married, we’d had fun scrounging the neighborhood and local forest preserves for pieces of firewood and kept our stash in the basement storeroom that came with the apartment – a rough-hewn closet 3 feet by 5 feet. Other than a couple of suitcases, we didn’t have much to store, so it was perfect for our collection of wood. And we made cozy fires almost every evening.

Burning the treeOnce we  had Fred’s saw, Nate set to work dismembering our brittle tree, then stuffing the fireplace full of branches. When he touched it with a match, however, neither of us were prepared for the size of the flames that roared to life and filled the fireplace with an angry orange blaze top-to-bottom and side-to-side – a situation dangerously close to being out of control.

Nate shouted, “Get a bowl of water!” (We didn’t own a bucket.) Thankfully, with the screen and a couple of fireplace tools, we were able to control things just enough to keep flames from leaping out onto the hardwood floor. Once everything calmed, we sawed the tree into smaller hunks and moved a little slower.

After all, we didn’t want to be the reason our downstairs neighbors had to move!

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.” (Proverbs 22:3)

Newlywed Love (#13)

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December 27, 1969

Mother-in-law LoisSpending Christmas with my in-laws and then Nate’s was a good plan. Although we’d had mild opposition from both sets of parents about setting our wedding date months previously, there had never been any resistance about who each of us had chosen to marry.

I felt complete acceptance from the Nymans (right, with Nate’s mother; below, Nate with his father), and Nate knew he was welcomed by the Johnsons.

 

Nate and red jacketThis cheerful approval was quite different, at least on my side, from what I’d experienced while dating my non-Christian boyfriend. Although Mom and Dad had always been kind to him when he was in their home, privately it was another story.

 

Dad, especially, had been concerned about the possibility of me committing to a partnership that would be “unequally yoked,” as the Bible put it in the King James Version. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Both parents and nearly everyone else in my circle of friends had seen clearly that this boyfriend and I were not unified in our core beliefs, the important values that would control all the opinions and decisions of the future…. for both of us. Even Mary and Bervin, always encouraging, had advised us to break up.

During those 18 months of dating, Dad would often wait up for me when I came in from a date, even when I arrived home at 2:30 or 3:00 AM. When I saw the light upstairs, I knew he would be waiting in my room with a frown and a lecture.

Often these tense conversations included the warning that if I committed to this boy, I would be unhappy long-term. And to back up his arguments, Dad would often leave pamphlets and articles in my room about the difficulty of marriage between a believer and a non-believer.

I felt terrible guilt about causing Mom and Dad such angst as I continued to date this boy, but hadn’t been enough to stop me. It was only the arrival of another girl that became God’s way of convicting me to leave him.

Now, though, after having married a man my parents respected and would have chosen for me themselves, everything was different. Being with my family was marked by easy acceptance. And it included light…. and laughter.

Nate’s and my relationship made them glad, which then nourished both of us. And since I’d known the opposite reality, my satisfaction during our Christmas visit was considerable.

Passing out gifts(Right, Mom distributes presents)

All of us exchanged simple gifts while we were together, but the most valuable one Nate and I received was the love and acceptance of both sets of in-laws – a gift that would matter on every holiday to follow, throughout the years.

“Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” (Romans 15:7)

Newlywed Love (#9)

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December 18, 1969

Nate and I were so enamored with the fun of being married that we’d hardly noticed it was the Christmas season. With just a week before the big day, we had lots to do – coming up with Christmas gifts for both of our families, with very little money. What we came up with instead, though, was our very first disagreement.

When I came home after a day at school and unlocked the apartment door, Nate wasn’t there. This was unusual, but I attributed it to extra library time before Christmas break and got busy doing other things.

When I heard his key in the lock, I turned toward the door and was surprised to see him wrestling with a giant Christmas tree – 8 feet tall!

“Oh my word!” I said. “What’s this?”

First treeHe responded with a broad smile while he did his best to get the tree upright for my approval. “It wouldn’t be Christmas without a big tree!” he said.

That’s when I burst into tears. Puzzled by this strange response, he leaned the tree against the wall and rushed toward me, trying to understand.

 

“What’s wrong?” he said, running his hands up and down my arms in an effort to bring comfort.

“You did it without me!” I sobbed, looking at the floor.

Still wondering why this would be upsetting, he bent his knees so he could look straight in my eyes and said, “I just thought it would save you time and trouble. That’s what my mother always said when she told Dad to pick up a tree – that she didn’t have time.”

“But that’s not how we’re supposed to do it,” I said. “Choosing a Christmas tree is a family thing, and you did it without me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Nate said, though he hadn’t done anything wrong. “It never crossed my mind you’d want to come along. You know, Meg, I would never do anything to purposely hurt you.”

And then, trying to undo his mistake, he turned toward the tree. “I’m gonna take it right back.”

By now I understood it was simply a difference in the way we were raised, not a Christmas tradition he’d taken away from me. Suddenly returning a Christmas tree seemed pretty funny…. and I giggled.

“Really,” I said, “it’s a beautiful tree, and it’ll make our apartment look very Christmas-y. I don’t want you to take it back.” I had to admit he’d picked a good one. Without much in our living room, it was no problem finding space for it. But we had nothing to decorate it with. That’s when Nate got an idea.

“After supper,” he said, feeling relieved the crisis had passed, “let’s go to the mall and each buy one ornament. We can do this every year, and gradually we’ll fill up a whole Christmas tree. It can become our first Christmas tradition – or maybe I should say our second. The first one will be to always buy the tree together.”

All set upI loved his idea, especially the part about starting our own tradition.

“Maybe tonight we can buy one string of lights, too,” I said. “And have hot chocolate while we decorate the tree…. and sing Christmas carols.”

“Of course!” he said, breaking into a rousing chorus of “Deck the Halls” ….very much off key. Nevertheless, it sounded wonderful to me!

 “All of you, have a tender heart and a humble mind.” (1 Peter 3:8)