Category Archives: Learning from our past

Young Love (#22)

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After I signed off with my church guy-friend, a sense of sadness set in. I looked back fondly over 7 years of dating and felt a sharp sense of loss. Now that I was closing in on an all-out commitment to Nate, I knew that playing the dating game would have to be a thing of the past. And I wasn’t at all sure I wanted it to end.

In quiet moments I began reminiscing about the fun I’d had with dozens of wonderful guys over the years, enjoying the pursuit and the catch as much as the dates themselves. Although I believed I was gradually falling in love with Nate, the idea of marriage sounded too serious too soon. My letters to him did continue to be affirming, but it was almost like I was preaching to myself: “Grow up, Margaret! Saying yes to one wonderful person means saying no to many others. It’ll be OK.”

chocolate-bunnyMar. 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are so patient, considerate, and kind to me. I’m glad I’m getting to know the “real you” more and more. This past weekend was beautiful. Time spent with you is always well-planned. Thank you for the things we did, for the meal with your parents, and for the Fannie May chocolate bunny! My 3 roommates and I just finished him off.

Mar. 23, 1969 – Dearest Meg. The weekend was great! My parents really loved you. “A very sweet and pretty girl,” they said. They think we’re “a nice-looking couple” and are eager for your visit to their house during spring break. Thank you for staying over Saturday night. Without that we would have had no privacy for prayer and other activity. You’re so sweet when you’re tired and sleepy. I’ll call you about our spring break plans, probably at the usual erratic hour. My apologies to you and your roomies, whoever I may awaken.

george-sweetingMar. 24, 1969 – Dear Nate. Pastor Sweeting was excellent this week. He said we can’t be successful in life without following the steps God has in mind for us. Either extreme — being fearful or having too much self-confidence —  can make us stray from His way. You and I need to be careful in making any plans, not to fool ourselves. We want to be successful in our relationship, and I hope everything will work out well.

Mar. 24, 1969 – Dearest Meg. It’s gray and rainy here, which makes excellent dreaming weather. I sit in class, Evidence in Constitutional Law, but the subject is: Johnson, Meg. She occupies my thoughts while I’m awake and my dreams as I sleep. Meg, I love you.

Mar. 24, 1969 – Dear Nate. Two letters from you today, both good ones. I appreciate it when you pen your thoughts as they flow naturally out of you, whether deep or casual. Thank you for your honesty. I’m trying to be honest in return. I’m looking forward to the end of this evening ed course I’m taking, but have made lots of friends in this class. We’ve bonded by thinking the whole course is rinky-dink, a waste of 3 hours two evenings a week. We’re all there only to fulfill requirements for the state.

Mar. 25, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Talking to you on the phone yesterday was a fabulous treat! It made the whole day go better. I get more studying done after I’ve “spent time with” you. I’m eagerly looking forward to our week together, both at your folks’ home and mine. All the logistics will come together fine. Don’t worry.

“Love is kind,” (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Young Love (#17)

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happyAlthough I was trying my best to get my old boyfriend out of my thoughts, his occasional re-appearance made it impossible. I found myself sinking back into the relationship, hoping he’d call, wondering if we could be “good buddies” without a romantic involvement. In my head I knew this wasn’t possible, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Nate continued to be steady, faithful, loving, and optimistic. The letters came more often, sometimes 3 a day. I responded almost daily and was grateful he hadn’t given up on me.

As for my church guy-friend, we were becoming closer with each passing week, but this began to bother him. He hadn’t planned on falling in love at this point in his life as he pursued his goal of becoming a foreign missionary. I also began to have doubts, wondering if I could be the wife he would need, and we agreed it might be a good idea to slow everything down. We kept going out, but put a ban on anything physical.

happyMar. 7, 1969 – Dear Meg. Don’t ever feel bad for me. I know I want you and will wait and will bear the pain or pleasure of your decision. There is no pressure on you for anything approaching an immediate decision. I want you only if you want me. I love you…smooch. I loved being with you. You’re a magnificent, blue-eyed beauty. And I promise to let you know about the military ball, and the date with my parents. I must get back to my law books. I love you. Love, Nate

Mar. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are a truly upright and honest man. More than ever I am glad we were introduced to each other. And the longer I know you, the more valuable I consider our relationship. I, as yet, cannot define what we have; but each time we spend time together as we did this past weekend, I figure out a bit more.

Mar. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. I realize that if I reject your request for marriage, I would never have the right to re-ask you back if I changed my mind. It would be too late. On the other hand, if I accept your offer of marriage, it would be almost impossible for me to reverse that decision. But when I spend time with you like we just did, so many things stand out: the way you talked respectfully to that pushy salesman; your being responsible by staying overnight in your dorm (with your men); your responsiveness to my questions, even the trivial ones; your creativeness in suggestions of things for us to do in Champaign, and many more.

allerton-parkMar. 8, 1969 – Dear Meg. Daydreaming in class is nothing new for me, but now it’s always of you. I really cherish our latest weekend together. This spring we should have a picnic at Allerton Park [mansion and grounds outside of Champaign, at right]. Food and love! Ah, what a combination. We had a nasty pistol whipping here Saturday night. One guy attacked two others with a gun and knife. Don’t worry.

Mar. 8, 1969 – Dear Meg. Your letter was superb! I read it three times. Under the aegis of the Lord, our relationship grows. Walking by faith in the unseen is important. Meg, I love you. I will be patient in courting and counseling the woman I want to marry. I grieve that your confusion hurts you, but it is in the Lord’s life-plan for you. If crying helps, cry a little… but you have all the time in the world. I could hug and kiss you forever, with time out for breathing.

“Encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Young Love (#16)

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As our letters continued, I could read between the lines that Nate’s frustration over my non-commitment was mounting. But that, I decided, was not a reason to commit. And right then, out of nowhere, my old boyfriend called again.

He asked if he could come to see my apartment, which triggered the old familiar mental swirl. I knew I needed to end all contact with him since part of me was still attached, but the temptation was too great – and I invited him to come ahead.

In my next letter, my great respect for Nate persuaded me to tell him about what had happened. In a way I hoped he would provide some idea to help me sever all contact with this boyfriend, since apparently I couldn’t do it on my own. Though my mental fog was pretty thick, the one thing I did know was that I could lose Nate over my poor decisions to continue contact with a former flame.

I hoped Nate would respond to my honest confession with loving strength. The one positive result of more time with the boyfriend was that the Lord was steadily reinforcing that we were truly mismatched. But logic doesn’t always trump chemistry.

downtownMar. 2, 1969 – Dear Nate. (My old boyfriend) called me on Monday and then came for a visit yesterday. He wanted to see the apartment. We went downtown to hear a blues band on Rush St, and they were excellent. But we’re not attached to each other in any significant sense. Talking to him for all those hours last night turned out to be wonderful therapy for my feelings. I have no desire to be back with him. I think the Lord has changed my heart.

Mar. 4, 1969 – Dear Meg. You’re fabulous! Please come Friday! Oh, I’d love to see you, hug you, pray with you! I really believe in the efficacy of prayer, and I pray for us and others every day. I miss you very, very much! Honestly, I know I am in love with you.

enthusiasmMar. 5, 1969 – Dear Meg. I’ll see you before you read this, and I await you anxiously. I want to be with you and really need you as a partner in my life. I’m glad you and (your old boyfriend) are still friends, and that you think you made the right decision. Whether this means you moving down here to teach, or getting married, or backing completely out of any commitment and breaking off from me, I don’t know. You’re completely free to decide and have all the time in the world you want. I love you. Love, Nate

Mar. 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m very sorry about not writing to you sooner than I did, but I raced to the mailbox in late afternoon hoping my letter would arrive to you the next afternoon. So let’s blame the pony express for my seeming silence. I feel especially bad, since you are so faithful and consistent in your letters to me.

March 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not responding as I should to you and really and truly wonder how you could continue to love me… and I’m not fishing for compliments. But I tell myself, “Don’t force anything.” But you are a delight to communicate with. Or, I should say, our communication is delightful to me.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)