Category Archives: Learning from our past

Young Love (#13)

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Although I still wasn’t sure whether or not I loved Nate and hadn’t signed any of my letters “with love,” I had begun signing his pet name for me, Meg, rather than Margaret. And as I began to look more favorably at him, the other guys I’d been dating started to drop away… except for my church friend. That relationship seemed to be heating up at the same rate as the one with Nate. The only difference was that it was happening in person rather than mostly in letters.

From my journal:

Nate may be “the one.” But I don’t know. I hate to be forced into deciding right now whether or not he’s the one for the future. It seems like it’s boiling down to a decision between Nate and the (church guy). The frustration and confusion I’m experiencing makes me think the decision can’t be made by sensibly stacking facts. They’re both fantastic guys. So I’m just going to continue going out with each of them and see what happens.

illinois-central-railroadI arranged to be with Nate more often, taking the train south to Champaign twice in February. He came north to Chicago for one weekend, paying all the travel bills for both of us. But most of the time, distance separated us, which is when I went on dates with my church friend.

Feb. 6, 1969 – Dear Meg. Every time I bite into a blueberry muffin, I think of you. And a lot of times when I don’t, I think of you. I ran a mile on Sunday, starting to get in shape for summer camp with the Army. I mentioned “camp” the other night at dinner, and one of my men (using his civilian mind) said, “Oh, are you a counselor at a summer camp?” Funny.

Feb. 9, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m glad you like to talk… in letters, on the telephone, in person. It seems there’s nothing we can’t discuss, and we never seem to run out of things to say. I feel like I can ask you any question or present any problem without fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. And I sense my heart changing when I think about you. I think I’m safe in saying the Lord is behind it.

good-lettersFeb. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. You wrote me a good letter; gracious and sensible. Neither of us is ready for engagement or marriage; yet our feelings are more intimate than before. We have achieved something: honesty.

heart-of-candies

Feb. 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. I feel like I found a special “closeness” with you this weekend when we were together. I can’t even pinpoint what caused it or the moment it happened. Now when I’m away from you, I have so many items I’d like to hear your opinion about. Little by little, my confusion is being replaced by order. I slept all but 10 minutes on my return trip to Chicago – clutching my luscious pink heart box of chocolate candies! (I’m eating so much chocolate that when you see me I’ll be one big ugly pimple!)

chocolates

Feb. 15, 1969 — Dear Meg. My feelings for you deepen with every passing day. I’ll write you about coming down to see my parents for dinner. I love you, Meg!

“Love always hopes.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Young Love (#12)

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As Nate and I continued writing, I decided it would be helpful to visit him in Champaign where he was in law school, hoping to get a better understanding of whether or not to pursue the relationship. A good friend from Chicago had to drive down there to pick up her college brother, so I hitched a ride.

With Nate’s busy schedule, I decided not to warn him I was coming. It was a Thursday. When we got to Champaign and I called him, he couldn’t believe I was nearby. Immediately he dropped what he was doing and we met up, talking for 3 hours before my ride headed back north. According to the letters, it was a productive conversation. A week later, he came to see me in Chicago over his semester break.

From my journal:

Nate came! …directly to my morning kindergarten, and when the kids left, we went out to lunch. He seemed neater than I’d hoped, and I’m attracted to him more than I thought. A week ago, as we were planning this weekend, I told him I wouldn’t be available on Sunday. That’s because I didn’t want to cancel my plans with (the church guy), because he and I were making good progress. Nate didn’t seem offended, though I’m sure he would rather have stayed. But we did spend almost 50 hours together.

memoJan. 27, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m glad you wanted to visit my kindergartens. I found your “memo” this afternoon. I’m thankful we could be honest with each other over the weekend. Let me express sincere appreciation for your patience with me and my problems. I really mean it. When I mentioned my continuing interest in another boy, you seemed to understand. Not only that, but you accepted it! If the situation had been reversed, I would have walked out on the spot.

Jan. 28, 1969 – Dear Nate. Once again I’m writing from the kindergarten classroom, but this time they’re “reading” library books (upside-down and backwards). The hours of deep discussion you and I have had have been extremely meaningful. I pray I’m doing everything in my power to handle this situation properly. Whoever ends up marrying you will be in for a lot of fantastic years. I’ll be looking forward to your next letter and maybe another visit. I hope I’ll get the letter, since I haven’t put my name on the mailbox yet.

photo-stripFeb. 1, 1969 – Dear Meg. I love you. Time in Chicago is fabulous because of you. Prayer leads us to Christ and He guides our relationship. Let’s remember that. And take good care of yourself. Wear seat belts. Get enough rest. I think of you often. Sometimes I look at the clock and think, what is she doing now?

Feb. 3, 1969 – Dear Nate. Your words to me on the telephone tonight were meaningful. I’m such a fickle person, and I feel sorry for you being on your end of my confusing conversations. Maybe it’s positive that I’m just confused and nothing worse.

“Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” (Philippians 2:2)

Young Love (#4)

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As the summer of 1968 moved into autumn, the Vietnam War dominated our nightly news. Nate went back to law school, continuing with his ROTC commitment, and I went back to teaching kindergarten in Chicago.

It was a tumultuous time for our nation with violence erupting even on college campuses, but Vietnam wasn’t the only war going on.

On a more finite level, I was experiencing my own inner war, attempting to handle an 18-month relationship with someone I should never have fallen in love with in the first place. But knowing what’s right and acting on it can be miles apart. Meanwhile, the letters between Nate and I became more frequent.

thoughtfulSept. 10, 1968 – Dear Meg. Thank you for your letter. I applied for and have now become a graduate advisor in an undergrad dorm, which at the moment has me rather nervous. There was a demonstration at the student union; police arrested 300 students. This makes me quite edgy. I would like to come to Chicago, but this job leaves me few weekends. I definitely would like to see you again. Absolutely love to.

Sept. 19, 1968 – Nate, you sound like you have your hands full down there! We heard all about the arrests on the news. Be careful! Tonight I’m miserable with 102 degree fever.

Oct. 17, 1968 – I am very sorry to hear of your sickness. Take all your medicine and sleep a lot. And read your Bible, little girl. This counseling job has a million men (actually 72) depending on me at different times for many things. Such as letting drunk boys in their rooms at dawn. Be good and rest, my little vixen.

thinkingOct. 20, 1968 – Dear Nate. Your letter came at an opportune moment. Today is a blue day for me. I’m through with my strep throat, but I’m really going buggy. I think my dating (the other guy) is dragging me away from the joy of the Lord. There is a constant struggle within me to tell him we should break up and not even be friends, and then in the next minute we are arranging another date. Inside, I know it’s useless, actually detrimental, to keep our relationship going. But don’t worry about me. I’m trying to let the Lord handle the whole situation, even whatever is happening in my mind about (him)…. and also about you. I know I have been trying your patience, and I apologize. P.S. What does “vixen” mean?

Oct. 25, 1968 – “Vixen” means she-fox, beautiful and sly. When you write that you’re upset about (the guy’s) soul, I only can tell you to resolve it with your faith, which I think is stronger than love of any man. And let common sense tell you that snap decisions lead to unhappiness. If you don’t want to quit dating (him), at least date someone else, too.

Oct. 31, 1968 – Nate, thank you so much for your last letter. I have read it over and over, and its encouraging nature was a terrific aid to me. (The other guy) and I are totally finished as of one week ago. The initial grief was shattering. In idle moments I still find my mind wandering to, “Oh, if only…” When the heaviness of the heartache eventually lets up, I hope I will consider myself better off for having gone through it. I’m relieved that the break has been made. (He) opposed it, which made it worse for me, but thank goodness the Lord was backing me up… and people like you.

“Love does not dishonor others.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)