Category Archives: Learning from our past

Step 1. Step 2

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My husband was a cerebral guy, well-read in history, politics, current events, literature, almost everything. His intellect was one of the things that first attracted me to him, probably because most of us look for a mate who’s equipped where we are lacking.

But Nate proved over the years that he was also capable of developing an adventurous streak. It was only a streak, since adventure wasn’t his natural bent. But once he was married and raising a family, the situation often called for it.

Nate raftingNate carving.During our dating years, if I’d have told him he’d be white-water rafting down the Colorado River or carv- ing pumpkins in his business suit or compet- ing to win at kid’s games, he’d have had a good laugh.

Nate competing

Hindsight is 20/20, and when I look back at our shared history, I see how adaptable he was. He took to marriage well, and never allowed me off the pedestal he put me on the day we were married.

Clowning aroundHe got “goofy” when he sensed his kids would appreciate it and if coaxed, would set aside serious pursuits to clown around.

Most widows look back and appreciate their men in fresh ways after they’ve gone. It’s the old adage that we don’t fully appreciate what we have till we’ve lost it. I’m no exception and am thankful for Nate in all kinds of ways I never acknowledged while he was alive. Like his willingness to adapt. Thoughts of “wishing him back” stem from a desire to express gratitude for what I left unsaid at the time.

In thinking about this, I also think of the most important relationship in my life, the one with the Lord. Am I noticing and being grateful for his many blessings? And am I following through with voiced appreciation to him? Thankfully with God, it’s never too late to verbalize thanks.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, in her book Choosing Gratitude, says there are two parts to being grateful: realizing it and voicing it. “Gratitude is learning to recognize [#1] and express [#2] appreciation for the benefits we receive from God and from others.” That means being intentional about letting what’s in our hearts “come out!” *

Step 1. Step 2.

Most of us don’t have trouble identifying reasons to be thankful. It’s that second step where we fall short, the one I regret not stepping into more often with Nate.

Scripture consistently exhorts us to be thankful, and one verse in particular (below) hints at moving the message from inside-to-outside. First get a joyful heart (by being grateful) and then voice thanks. Always.

“Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks…” (Ephesians 5:19-20)

*page 169

Dee

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When our firstborn, Nelson, was still a toddler, we decided to buy him his first pet, the same pet most young parents often start with: a goldfish. Except for sea monkeys, nothing could be easier.

Every time little Nelson pushed a chair up to the kitchen counter to see his fish, he’d study the water-filled tank and say, “Dee-dee!” (his word for “drink”). And that’s how Dee got his name.

SANY0053As most new parents do, we considered our young offspring to be especially bright, so we carefully showed him how to shake the fish food into the water, just two quick shakes each day. Nelson  seemed to understand, following through exactly as I’d told him.

Then one day I came into the kitchen and found him kneeling on the counter, enthusiastically shaking Comet cleanser into Dee’s tank. He looked at me without the slightest bit of guilt, proud of himself for doing what I’d taught him. “Dee eat!” he said with a smile, although Dee was invisible in the cloudy green water.

CometDee’s short life came to a quick conclusion after that. Despite an immediate cleaning of the tank, within hours he was belly-up. Nelson had no trouble summing up the situation: “Dee ni-night.”

I’m sure there are times when God instructs me much the same as I instructed Nelson, hoping I’ll listen carefully and diligently follow through. Just as Dee suffered as a result of Nelson’s mistake, I often suffer from my own mistakes… or from plain old disobedience.

Sometimes God’s instructions seem too difficult (or unpleasant) to follow, so I flat-out disregard them and do what seems right to me, even if it’s the opposite of what God said. Such foolishness always results in disaster, maybe immediately, maybe later.

Goldfish.There is one big difference between my instructions to Nelson and God’s instructions to me. Our toddler wasn’t really capable of understanding the feeding ritual for a fish, so Dee’s demise was probably my fault. But God’s instructions are always rightly-matched to my ability to follow through.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you.” (Psalm 32:8)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful that little Anders had a successful first 24 hours at home.
  2. Vacationing in Florida this week has been delightful and nourishing.
  3. My heart is aching tonight for good friends who just learned their 50-something husband and father has “cancer everywhere.”

Freezin’ Fun

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Here in Michigan, our weather is really cold. Freezing, in fact. Actually, below freezing. Tonight we’ll go down to – 8 actual temperature.

Although Jack loves the cold and develops a thick coat much like a bear’s, I’m not a fan. But that wasn’t always true. The authorities in our childhood neighborhood encouraged children to play outdoors regardless of the weather, especially so when it was extra-cold. Once we got a good cold snap, the fire department would bring their high-volume hoses to a steep hill near our home and flood it till it had become a five inch-thick slab of straight-down glare ice.

Ready... set...This kid-magnet was nick-named “Suicide Hill” by firemen and children alike, though no one actually died there. It dropped down to a broad, icy beach that led to Lake Michigan’s shoreline (visible here as we slide down backwards). If we aimed just right, we could sail all the way there. Never mind that we had to dodge trees and concrete-encased bar-b-q grills along the way.

Mom, ever-ready with her camera, encouraged us to head for Suicide Hill often, sometimes taking the whole church youth group with her. Below zero? No matter. Can’t find a good sled? Go down on your rear-end.

Whee!We learned to balance with expertise, standing straight up on our clumsy buckle-galoshes all the way down the hill at high speeds. Yes there were accidents, but nothing with permanent consequences.

Yesterday I stood in my kitchen listening to a repair man describe the bumps and bruises he endured during childhood, ex- pressing gratitude for the freedom to learn by experience. “Today’s kids are stopped at every turn from having good old-fashioned fun,” he said,  “all in the name of safety.”

Immediately I thought of our heavenly Parent and the boundaries he sets for us… or doesn’t. Just as our parents let us freely experiment in the great outdoors, God allows us to do the same, never protecting us with complete safety. He gives us free rein to make decisions and follow desires however we please, opting in and out of wisdom. And he lets us experience all kinds of natural consequences, both good and bad, with the hope we’ll learn from them.

Natural consequences of our own making can be dramatic and life-altering. We’re forced to pick up baggage we might never have had to carry, had we asked our Father which decision to make in the first place. But following our own lead (often an “expensive” process) can teach us quite effectively, too.

Recently my sister, brother, and I took a drive to Suicide Hill to see if kids were still enjoying the same kind of fun we’d known. Despite the winter weather, there was no ice on the hill. Actually, the whole area had been permanently fenced off from the public.

Trudging upThe only glare-ice hills today’s kids get to experience, I’m afraid, are on video games.

“There is hope for your future, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 31:17)