Category Archives: Learning from our past

One More from Melanie

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In this season of giving, we’ve peeked in on how someone else does it, providing some fresh oomph for all of us to pass along whatever kindnesses we can. Melanie reported, after her birthday was over, that next year she’ll tweak her system to make it more efficient. After all, the number of kindnesses will only grow as the candles on her cake increase. Here’s what she wrote in an email:

At the end of the day I was pretty worn out…next year I’ll have to start giving myself a week to accomplish my list, because it’s not going to get any easier to get through it.  

Kindness..Many of the things were actually just a matter of getting around to my good intentions…notes I meant to write or thank-you’s I meant to say long ago but hadn’t accomplished. It felt good to just hunker down and be intentional (which is the opposite of random, I know) about making sure certain people were feeling loved and appreciated. I learned that it really doesn’t take much time at all, with a little planning, to brighten someone’s day who really needs it.

A few more things I learned… 

Kindness participantKindness starts at home. There are a gazillion things I do that all of us moms and wives do to serve our families, but I’m learning that there’s a big difference in the way I go about it when I have the mindset of, “How can I bless them?” I noticed an absence of resentment and an all-around better attitude when I thought to myself, “I can get this for him,” or “She would like it if…” Thanks, Lord, for the heart change! 

Along those lines, as this becomes a birthday tradition, I may make arrangements so the kids aren’t with me the _whole_ time I’m running around town. It may get easier as they get older, but this year I heard a lot of whining about getting in and out of the car, and it really amounted to a long day with lots of driving around for them. 

I also learned that I’m really awkward when I’m talking to random people. But the look of surprise when they learn they’re getting a free coffee is worth it.

Kindness....And I want to be sure to bless people who don’t get many thank-you’s, like those serving at school or church or cleaning public restrooms.  

And most importantly, I want to make the day less about “random,” which is a little too much about me and “how nice I am.” Instead I want to more purposefully share the love of Christ, because without him, I’m rotten and selfish.

And lastly, I confirmed that I have the most patient, indulgent husband. He drove around in rush hour traffic for me and never complained.  

All in all, best birthday ever. Tradition established. 

Love, Mel

“Remember this…. Whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”                    (2 Corinthians 9:6)

Praising and praying with Mary

I’m praising God for an early Christmas gift: my feeding tube came out today! Thank you so much for the faithful praying all of you did about this!

Wanting to Know?

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Yesterday would have been Nate’s and my 45th anniversary, had he lived. It wasn’t a sad day, because I spent time thinking of all the blessings of having been married to him. It was a long list!

???????????????????????????????Young love....Looking back at pictures of the two of us (here while we were dating), I smiled at the blush of new love. Since I met him two years before we decided to get engaged, I figured by that time I knew him pretty well.  But when he died, after 40 years of marriage, I was still learning new things about him.

During those 4 decades I did learn that husbands and wives can never know everything about each other. Even after Nate found out he had cancer and would live only a short time, I discovered new things about him and his responses to life…. and death.

Something similar might be said about our relationship with Jesus. After we’ve first met him, whether as children or adults, we quickly begin thinking we know him pretty well. That is until we learn one more thing… and one more… and one more. Eventually, after decades of being Christians, we conclude there’s always more to discover.

Once in a while we find out something we’d rather not know, for example the high standard God wants us to live by or the humble attitude he wants us to have. We respond by trying to tweak what he said. We tell ourselves, “He didn’t really mean it that way. Surely it’d be ok if we did it just a little differently.”

Husbands and wives do the same thing with each other. After a few years of marriage when a wife learns something she doesn’t like about her husband, she tries to modify him or squeeze him into her definition of who she thinks he should be. He tries to do the same with her. (Nate and I were both guilty of this.)

The question to ask ourselves is, if I get to know who this person really is, will I still be able to love him?

That’s a good question to ask about Jesus, too. As we learn more and more, including things we don’t necessarily want to know, are we still willing to love him and cooperate with him?

A “yes” answer is the best answer, both in marriage and with the Lord, and it’s possible that even in eternity I’m going to learn new things about Nate. As for God, I have a hunch none of us will ever learn it all.

“What about you?” Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?” (Luke 9:20)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m praising God for a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend with all the kids and grands, and 75 degrees!
  2. Please pray for strength and energy for a busy week ahead.

Siblings History Tour

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I believe God is in charge of putting every family together. That’s just the natural outcome of believing he’s also in charge of creating every life. He has a specific plan for who should live with whom, and sometimes he has to go to great lengths to gather specific family members together.

SiblingsIn our case, he set up a sibling group of two girls followed by one boy. Mary, Tom, and I knew that no matter what happened, our folks would always love us. Being confident of this was a blessing we only fully appreciated when we became parents ourselves.

As happens to most families, we each went off to college and then into marriages, and our together-times as siblings became characterized by the crowds of children that followed. But yesterday the three of us spent a day together as siblings, tracing our shared childhoods in a meaningful trip down Memory Lane.

We recorded our reminiscences as we went along (should any of our younger relatives be inclined to listen) and even learned a few new things about each other. What a delightful day it was!

Mary and TomAs we wove a path through Chicago’s streets and into the suburbs, we stopped at each of our childhood homes, along with favorite old hang-outs and the houses of friends.

We visited our old schools, kindergarten through high school, and though security said no to our requests to wander the halls, we did coax the high school guard to take our picture in a hallway that had changed very little since the 1960’s when we attended there.

As for looking back and remembering, I think God is all for it. Reminiscing, I believe, is one of the purposes of his written Word. He frequently prompted the children of Israel to remember what he’d done, in an effort to convince them he would continue to do wonders in their lives if they would only trust him.

Sibling history tourThe same goes for us. He wants us to look back, especially when times are tough, recalling how he worked on our behalf in the past. From that we gain confidence in his continued efforts in the future. Just as he encouraged then, he will always encourage. Just as he strengthened then, he will always strengthen. Just as he provided then, he will always provide.

Those are comforting thoughts during these days of uncertainty for Mary (and thus for the rest of us). No matter the details, God’s encouragement, strength, and provision will always be present.

Mary, Tom, and I ended our time together yesterday with a meal at The Corner Bakery, purposing to travel through “Part Two” of our histories (colleges, early apartments, newlywed days) on another day. There are more memories to uncover and more blessings to recall.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way… (Deuteronomy 8:2)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Please pray for safe travel tomorrow as our entire family gathers in Arkansas for Thanksgiving, at daughter Julia’s home.
  2. Pray for each family member as we all try to adjust to this uncertain time. May each of us learn to count blessings every day, no matter what.