Category Archives: Learning from our past

God’s Balancing Act

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In communicating with my children today about their father on this 5th anniversary of his death, several of them asked if I was sad or happy in my rememberng. The accurate answer is “yes”. Sad in wishing Nate was still here, but happy because of a very special photo that came my way via text message.

British Baby 5Hans and Katy, busy with their young family across the ocean, sent a good report about their unborn baby by way of a picture taken today during their first ultrasound. When I opened the photo, I gasped a bit of delight over the high quality and good angle of this image, the perfect profile of a new family face.

Hans and Katy’s 5th child, my 10th grandchild, is expected in May of 2015, and seeing that little person so clearly today was a joy that balanced out the lingering sadness about Nate. Rather than having a roller-coaster day of ups and downs, it was a day planted between the extremes. And isn’t that the way God usually does things?

When we receive bad news, it’s often followed by something good. The opposite is true, too, good coming first, and bad after that. Our heavenly Father works at balancing our days, and if we watch for it, we’ll see it. But that part, the watching part, can be a problem. Making note of the bad things is easy. We don’t miss a one. Noticing the good ones doesn’t come as readily. Why is that?

Maybe it’s because in our deepest hearts we think we ought to experience one good thing after another, and when something bad happens, we feel we have every right to object. “Why did God let that happen? How could he be so harsh with me? What did I do to deserve this?”

At the root of our reasoning, though, is a pride that says, “If I was God, I would have done that differently.” In other words, “I think I know better than God on this issue.”

Never.

Admittedly, it’s difficult to accept the bad stuff with a good attitude. I know I’ll be working on that for the rest of my life. Just this afternoon while running errands, tears came while I was driving, when I recognized a way in which I’d acted pridefully toward the Lord by thinking the opposite of the way I should have. I need much more practice, and thankfully God is willing to give it.

Just right

And so, as this emotional day ends, God has me solidly in the middle of sorrow and joy, bad and good, sad and happy, in a balance that feels just right.

 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

Come and get me.

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Any of us who’ve lost loved ones to death find our thoughts moving between two different worlds, the here and the hereafter. This back-and-forth thought process includes a pause at a theological stop sign: Christ’s second coming.

According to the calendar of human history, we’re living in that middle ground between Jesus’ first coming and his second, his first as a newborn who grew into our radical Savior, and his second as a Victor in battle.

Once in a while I think, “What if Jesus returned tonight?”

The Second ComingHe promised that when he did come back, it would be to defeat evil and escort Christians to heaven. He actually said, “I’ll take you home with me.” (John 14:2)

I love that he’s implying we’ll feel at home when we get to heaven. It’ll be similar to returning home after an arduous journey with a big “ahhh” of contentment. But I’m not really sure I want it to be tonight, and there’s a good reason: I need more time to do better at the Christian life.

Most of us get only 7 or 8 decades on the earth, and it took me about half of those to get into gear in my walk with the Lord. Much of my early life was bare-minimum believing as I straddled a spiritual fence between obedience and rebellion. Even now in my late 60′s, I should be doing much better.

So, I figure, I need more time to keep trying.

Is Jesus reading this and chuckling? Or is he reading it and saying, “You’ve got the right idea.” Being unsure of the answer is an indication of my spiritual immaturity. Of course I’m longing to be with Jesus and walk into his home, discovering the place he’s prepared for me. But as the Bible so aptly puts it,”Night is coming, when no one can work.” (John 4:9) Time to try harder will eventually end.

My hesitation to head to heaven isn’t because I want to earn more glory-points. It’s about feeling bad over personal sin and hoping to become a better daughter to my heavenly Father. There’s just one nagging thought behind my philosophy of wanting more earthly time. What if my condition as a human being is exactly the factor that’s prohibiting greater success at godly living? What if even the most saintly person among us feels just like I do, no matter how many years she’s had to work on it?

In that case, it would be a really good thing if Jesus just came and got us tonight.

“To the one who does not work but trusts God, who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness.” (Romans 4:5)

I promise!

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When the local toll roads were built in the 1950’s, their promise was that all toll booths would be removed after the highway was paid for, 3 years. Fifty-three years later, we’re still paying.

coin toss tollingIn the early days of driving the toll road, we received a card when we got on and then turned it in when we got off. Our toll was calculated from the card. Eventually that system was replaced with cash-as-you-go, starting at 25 cents per toll. We stopped every 30 miles or so to throw change into a plastic bin.

Now we have “open road tolling,” which means the toll road can take our money without us stopping to give it to them. When Nate and I used to drive the toll road between Illinois and Michigan, he’d often complain about the highway authority going back on its word to upgrade the road into a freeway. Quite a few people felt that way, expressing their opinions in law suits and citizen groups established to put pressure on the powers-that-be. But today we’re still paying.

Keeping our word is important. It’s a character quality seen less and less these days and runs rampant in the political world with unmet campaign promises. But the most important place to keep our word is in one-on-one relationships such as husband-and-wife, parent-and-child, friend-and-friend. If I was given the chance to do one thing differently in my past, it would be to keep my word better.

If I told Nate, “I’ll pick you up at the train at 6:35,” I wish I had always been there waiting for him rather than him waiting for me. If I told the kids, “Don’t do that again or you’ll get a spanking,” I wish I had always followed through.

It’s especially important to keep our word when we tell someone we won’t share a confidence with anyone else. If we violate that, our word becomes worthless, not to mention the damage we do to that person and our relationship with him or her.

I’ve asked myself, “What would the Christian life be like if God didn’t keep his word?” He’s told us that he does everything he says he’ll do, and Scripture backs that up. He’s kept his promises in my own life, and I’ve seen him do it in others’. Because I’ve experienced failure at always keeping my word, I’m doubly appreciative that I can count on him to keep his. After all, his has eternal consequences.

Open road tollingDriving the toll roads is a helpful reminder that I want to be trusted to keep my word. And maybe in the long run, the toll road will make good on its promise, too. The latest word is that it’ll be paid for in 2034. If I still have a driver’s license at 89, you’ll find me driving the freeway.

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

Praising and Praying with Mary

Praise God that tomorrow is my last chemo infusion! Please pray they find a good vein. And on side note, my 10th grandchild is due any day in Michigan. A big praise for new beginnings!