Hanging On

Nate wanted to go to Harvard University. He made his decision while still in junior high and worked diligently throughout high school, always reaching for his dream.

As a senior he applied early to Harvard, wanting to be in the first wave of acceptance letters, but had failed to consider one important factor. While he was the managing editor of the school newspaper, he’d written a series of harsh articles about two of the school’s teachers. In his opinion, they were more interested in coaching sports than teaching history, and he expounded on this in the newspaper.

Of course the teachers were insulted and let Nate know it. What he’d forgotten was his need for university recommendations from these same teachers, since he would be a history major. One of them had bluntly told Nate, “I’ll see to it you never get into Harvard.”

That might have been a frustrated high school student’s inflated opinion of the conversation, but the bottom line was a rejection letter from Harvard. Nate’s hopes were dashed, and receiving acceptances from several other excellent universities didn’t ease his pain.

None of us completely get our way as we go through life. After a crushing disappointment, it’s what we do next that determines whether or not we’ll be able to distance ourselves from the event. We can either mull it over again and again, increasing our resentment, or we can tell God, “You deal with it, because I can’t.”

I don’t think Nate ever experienced complete freedom from the malice of that history teacher. The teacher probably thought very little about Nate after he graduated, but Nate often thought about him. Turning it over to God would have been beneficial.

Last Sunday our pastor quoted Martin Luther who said, “There are only two days on my calendar. Today and that day,” meaning the day we meet our Maker. The hurtful events of yesterday shouldn’t be allowed to bind us today. It’s our choice, though. We can drag all the unfair stuff along with us, risking ruining today, or we can say no to that, with God’s help.

One day, after Nate and I had been married nearly a year, he told me the Harvard rejection story. He’d graduated with a strong GPA from Northwestern University and was about to graduate honorably from the University of Illinois Law School, so the Harvard rejection didn’t matter much to me. But as he talked, I could sense he was still hurting.

But we were newlyweds, and our “today” was lots of fun, so I tried to encourage him back into it. “If you’d gone to Harvard, we wouldn’t have met!”

I watched his pain melt, and he said, “Oh, I would have come back to the Midwest to get you.”

We only have today (which we know), and that day (which we don’t know).

“…of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.” (Matthew 24:36)

In His Words, Conclusion

Nate's letter to NelsonThe last two blogs have quoted from a letter written by Nate to Nelson in which he summarized his life, including successes and failures. The letter must have been difficult to write, as he was entrusting his grown son with confidential information he hadn’t previously shared with anyone.

My guess is that Nate was doing what all parents hope to do: passing along the valuable lessons he’d learned in the School of Hard Knocks. The letter still ministers to me, because he was willing to share such intimate detail about his failures and their consequences. We all know failure can be life’s footpath to success, but it isn’t easy to expose your heart to this depth of honesty.

Below is the conclusion to his 5 page letter as he tries to answer the question of what the Lord wants from him as a Christian man:

What does Jesus want me to devote my energies to?

Hating those who wronged me? Or seeking His guidance and working for Him and my family? As Christian men, we know the answer. In our “struggle against sin,” we take encouragement that the Lord disciplines those He loves. 

Now, when I practice law, I think of the heavenly reason why I do it. That is my “race.” Not my choice, but my “race.” There are missteps and down days, but the purpose is sure.  

Paul struggled with sin as all Christian men do. (Romans 7:7-25). Christ rescues us from sin. Service to others is paramount (1 Corinthians 16:15-18). We live as children of light (Ephesians 4:17-32) 

I share the details of my life with you so you can see the human difficulty of trying to live a Christ-centered life – we cannot do it alone. We must rely on Him every day. If we don’t, we all stray. We read His word and pray, or we lose to the world. 

Love, Papa

The pain of Nate’s struggle is evident in his words. Thankfully, he recognized the removal of his “fortunes” as God’s discipline after he had become too enamored with money. He also realized the Lord was disciplining him out of a heart of love.

I well remember the angst of those days of business failure and despair. Reading Nate’s letter, especially as he reveals his change of heart, brings encouragement to me today. It’s heartening to realize that through all the upheaval, Nate felt loved by God.

Maybe his words will lift another who is currently fighting a money battle, wondering where the Lord’s rescue might be. Although God did rescue Nate (on this earth), it had nothing to do with restoring the money he’d lost but everything to do with changing his heart.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.” (Psalm 91:14)

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In His Words, Part 2 of 3

The first portion of this letter, written by Nate to his firstborn son in 1996, was detailed in yesterday’s blog. He poured out his painful life journey, honestly admitting to an infatuation with money.
When he succeeded at making it, he wanted more. When he lost it all, he became angry. He continues his story here, letting Nelson in on some of the secrets he hadn’t yet shared with anybody:

MoneyI was unhappy when I had money, because I always wanted more. When I lost it, I wanted it back. I was unhappy and became bitter.

In the depths of my financial disaster, no financial rescue or restoration occurred. I was tormented. A family and household needed to be supported. Old habits of spending died slowly and painfully. I thought the tax change unjust, to impact real estate and not municipal bonds, insurance or other endeavors. Men I knew in those lines of work would have fared no better than I did if they’d been attacked. Why should they keep their money and I lose? 

And now, years later, the senator who was the architect of tax reform admitted in the press he was wrong, that tax reform went too far. They gave benefits, then took them away retroactively. The world is deceitful and evil. 

But the world cannot be our standard, our reliance. Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” 

???????????????????????????????In my travail, I came to a rededication to Christ – reading Scripture, praying, participating in an organized Bible study, focusing my thoughts and energies on “the race marked out for me.” 

What does Jesus want me to devote my energies to?  [Concluded tomorrow.]

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.” (Ecclesiastes 5:10)