Category Archives: Learning from our past

Grow… Grow… Grow…

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Margaret and MarjieWhen I was in 6th grade, Marjie Simmons (not her real name) was my best friend. One school day we were outside during recess when she said, “Something bad’s gonna happen.”

“What?” I said.

“We’re moving.”

I was speechless. Marjie said she wouldn’t be going to 7th grade with me, because she’d be living over 1000 miles away. This was devastating. When I told Mom, she kindly sympathized, but Dad said, “What’s all the fuss about? Before long you’ll forget all about her.”

My eleven-year-old heart was broken, because in my mind Marjie would always be #1. The thought of forgetting her was beyond comprehension. Although Dad hadn’t spoken with much tact, it turned out he was right. The sadness of Marjie’s departure didn’t last long, and other girlfriends soon took her place.

Marjie probably moved away from our friendship without difficulty, just as I did, because children go through life-changes like water through a funnel. They’re not the only ones changing, though. We adults have to change, too, since not changing leads to no place good.

Tying shoesA child’s goals are reachable: learning to walk, tying a bow, writing a name. Later it’s a little more work: conquering a sport, getting a license, buying a car. Once the childhood goals are met, things get downright complicated: choosing a career, finding a mate, conquering a bad habit. As our decisions grow in importance, we have to grow in maturity, and that includes the most difficult growth-arena, spiritual maturity.

My sister Mary and I once had a talk about our prayer lives. Compared to the volume of Mom’s praying, we were pathetic, still riding on her spiritual coattails as grown women. But eventually both of us succumbed to God’s conviction and responded to his prayer-invitation.

Then Mom died. We found ourselves wondering who would fill the prayer-void Mom had left, especially in reference to our own families.

“Maybe that’s us?” I said.

“And we arrived just in time,” Mary said, in a reference to Mom’s departure.

Although that change was long in coming, it’s one example of spiritual growth. We all have change-choice options. I should always be asking, “How can I do better? What does God want me to do now? Where can I improve?” To follow his lead is to avoid a stall or a stagnation.

Marjie Simmons and I quickly grew apart as kids, exactly as Dad had predicted. If we met again, both of us would have changed radically since our days together in 6th grade. But maybe if I did find her, we could be brand new friends.

I wonder if she’s on Facebook…

”We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then… you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.” (Colossians 1:9-10)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Please pray that the anti-nausea IV before tomorrow’s chemo (#11) will work as well as it did last Monday.
  2. I’m thankful for summer, because of extra time with children and grandchildren.

Saintly Behavior

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A guy-friend recently said, “I’ve been reading the blog and gosh, I never realized what a saint Nate was.” I’m sure he was also thinking, “He wasn’t really, was he?”

Nate loading dishwasherWhy does Nate come across that way in the blog posts? I suppose it’s because I’ve chosen to share only the good things. Interestingly, that’s easy now. It’s satisfying. In the years since he died, I’ve missed him terribly and have come to appreciate the “good stuff” anew.

Psychology experts tell us if we’re going to criticize someone, we should first speak out four praises. Thinking I was already doing that, one day many years ago I decided to keep track. Sadly, I was woefully deficient in the praise category.

Double DutyOne thing I learned as I kept my tally, though, was that I could improve with practice. I also discovered something else. When I thought nice things about Nate such as, “He’s such a big help to me,” I often failed to say them. If I asked God to prompt me to turn those thoughts into words, he would, but of course I had to remember to ask.

I did learn one foolproof way to go from my spotty performance to 100% success in my praising, though: to hear the words “terminal cancer.” Those two words caused an instant change in my ways. Now, looking back to the time when Nate was healthy and with me daily, I can see it was pride that kept me from praising him lavishly while I still could have. And it’s pitiful.

???????????????????????????????I wonder how marriages would change if wives and husbands agreed to make only uplifting statements to one another for a month in an effort to establish new patterns. This would mean swallowing every word of criticism before it came out and letting go of all desire to change the other person. It would mean continually ignoring the bad and highlighting the good… as I’m now finding is so rewarding to do.

God knew this wouldn’t come naturally for us, but that didn’t stop him from urging us to reach for it. When the Lord addresses our partnerships (husbands and wives, soldiers and leaders, brothers and sisters, church members, parents and children, business partners), he urges us to be positive with our words. As a matter of fact, he elevates this to best-possible-activity level, telling us it actually brings him glory when we do it.

After nearly 5 years without Nate, my inner wish is that I could go back and try again. I know I could do much better now…. maybe even be saintly.

“May God, who gives… patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you, so that God will be given glory.” (Romans 15:5,7)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1.  A new anti-nausea drug has worked perfectly today – NO nausea!
  2. The feeding tube options aren’t quite as good. I’ll see a GI specialist in a week to decide what to do. Please pray for wisdom then, and for decreased pain now.
  3. Pray I’ll be able to continue helping with wedding preparations and hosting kids and grandkids this coming week.

Noggin Knocks

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Walking Jack around the neighborhood these days can lead to noggin knocks and goose eggs. It’s acorn time.

AcornsLocal squirrels are working high in the oak trees, chewing away the shells of acorns and collecting the nut-meats for winter. Chipmunks living under our front steps are doing the same. With oak trees everywhere, there’s plenty for all.

When we moved here full time, the sound of acorns banging on roofs, cars, and wooden decks took us off guard, mimicking gun shots. If we looked up, which was risky, a squirrel would inevitably be busy chomping overhead, causing clusters of acorns to fall.

My next door neighbor tells me getting bonked in the head is enough to make you wear a football helmet outdoors. Walking the roads can be perilous, too, with marble-like acorns all along the way. But acorn season can’t be stopped. God is busy sowing seeds.

I love his well-established, logical laws of sowing… and reaping. They apply to acorns and oak trees, but also to us. Erwin Lutzer summarized them well in a memorable sermon years ago:

  • Law #1, we’ll always reap what we sow.
  • Law #2, we’ll always reap in a different season than we sow.
  • Law #3, we’ll always reap more than we sow.

Oak treeOak trees produce acorns, which of course produce more oak trees, not maples or elms. (Law #1)

But it takes months for a buried acorn to put forth a seedling oak tree and over a decade before young oak trees produce acorns. (Law #2)

The big oak trees behind our cottage tower over 50 feet, but each had its beginning in one humble acorn. Today thousands of acorns are falling to the ground in our yard alone. (Law #3)

It’s easy to apply the laws of sowing and reaping to the humble acorn, and we nod with understanding. But applying them to ourselves is another story. Law #1 says, for example, that if we tell a lie, eventually we’ll be deceived ourselves. Law #2 tells us lying probably won’t catch up with us until later, but Law #3 says that when it does, our lives will be permeated with deception, cheating, and dishonesty.

We like to think of ourselves as the exception to every rule, believing if we take shortcuts around God’s laws, we can escape his consequences. So we plow ahead with our own ideas, not necessarily in rebellion but failing to understand God’s stated consequences.

Unfortunately, the biblical laws of sowing and reaping still apply. As lawyers are fond of saying, “Ignorance is no excuse.” Surely that statement originated with God.

BonkToo bad we don’t usually learn just by reading what we should and shouldn’t do. Sometimes God has to hit us over the head with it, sending acorns-to-noggins. But a few goose eggs are worth learning what we need to know.

“All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal.” (Psalm 119:160)

Praising and Praying with Mary

Pray that I’ll stay as focused on God after good news as after bad, always looking to him for leadership and sustenance.