Category Archives: Learning from our past

Calendar Wite-Out

Posted on by

Most people are chased by a full calendar every single day. If nothing is written on the squares, it’s the exception, and the general rule is that over-commitment is better than under-commitment. That’s not a very good rule.

Wite-outMany of us travel through unique periods of time when God uses Wite-Out on our calendars for us, at least temporarily. For example, when a family emergency occurs. It’s shocking how quickly our calendar priorities adjust to let us rush to the aid of someone we love.

Another example might be if we have to go to court for something or are lucky enough to draw jury duty. At first we scramble and say no-can-do. I’m too busy. But somehow, because the law says we must, we do.

Mary’s situation is another instance of a cleared calendar. The day she heard she had a lethal cancer, her calendar erased itself. Figuring she had only a short time to live, she X-ed out everything except connections with doctors and family. And this, after having been one very busy lady!

But God didn’t allow that to happen without purpose. As Mary spent time preparing for and recuperating from surgery, she suddenly had hours and hours to herself, time the likes of which she’d never known. She slowed down enough to really think. About her history, her future, her possible death, her blessings, her losses, her relationships, her priorities, her Lord and his Scriptures. Quiet, uncommitted time was not wasted time. Actually, it might have been the most spiritually valuable period of her 70 years.

CacophanyIn our pursuit of maximum productivity, it’s easy to let priorities become skewed. But is it God’s nature to compete for our attention with a cacophony of other commitments? He’s told us that if we want a vibrant, life-directing relationship with him, he must be #1. As Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters.” (Matthew 6:24)

Each of us has the freedom to choose who or what we want to be in charge of our lives. A Wited-out calendar might occur because of something difficult or even heartrending, but being given unfettered time to think about and re-orient a life is a really good thing.

Mary is feeling great right now, and today she used the word “happy” in reference to her frame of mind. As the days go by, though, she’s been writing on her calendar again, and every day this week is already jam-packed. So she’s asked us to pray that she won’t become over-committed, and that all she’s gleaned from her cleaned-off calendar will not be lost.

With chemo beginning in one week, God may help her with that project in ways she can’t anticipate now. But because it’s him doing it, it’s bound to turn out really good.

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” (Psalm 37:5)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for organized Bible studies (after a visit with Bible study colleagues today) and the rich friendships that result
  2. Praise for 6 pounds gained!
  3. Pray for God’s discernment concerning new calendar commitments
  4. Pray for the strength to say “no” when she should

In the Classroom

Posted on by

Mary has learned, as many of us have, that a health crisis can be the best of teachers. In her case, the instructor’s name is “CANCER” and the lesson plan is “WISDOM”.

mobile phoneTonight Mary and I shared a rich conversation on the phone. As always, I had pen and paper handy, ready to write down her prayer requests for tonight’s blog. But by the time we said goodbye, I’d taken two pages of notes. Her insights (below) poured forth without stopping, complete with appropriate Scriptures to back them up. I wish I’d had a recorder!

 

Here’s some of what she said:

  1. Doctors work with statistics, and God works with hearts.
  2. Good endings can come from bad beginnings.
  3. Irregular days cause us to value regular ones.
  4. Taking one day at a time isn’t just a cliché but a good philosophy.
  5. When God doesn’t withdraw a crisis, he partners with us through it.
  6. Future plans must be held loosely.
  7. Hospitals and doctor’s offices are great places to plant seeds of hope in hopeless people.
  8. No matter how serious the crisis, there’s always something to praise God for.

She revealed her new heart as she talked about #6 above, describing her changed point of view. “I used to think if I wrote something on my calendar, it was a definite. Whatever it said, would get done. Once cancer hit, I had to back away from all kinds of obligations I had been sure I was going to keep.”

ContentShe went on. “Now when I write something on the calendar, I can’t be sure it’ll happen. It’s all up to God. If I can meet my commitments, it will be because he willed it that way. If I can’t, it’s also because he willed it. It’s all up to him.”

We talked about the Scripture passage in James that says something like this: “Don’t say, ‘Today or tomorrow we’ll go here or there’ when you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Instead you should say, ‘If it’s the Lord’s will, we’ll do this or that’.” (4:13-15)

She explained how she “gets that” now in a way she never had before and wants to hold everything loosely in the future. Applying it to her choice of hospital and chemotherapy team, any of the 3 would have been fine, she said, because wherever she landed, God would still be in charge. “So the choice was really between good, good, and good.”

She and Bervin chose the University of Chicago Hospital, and whatever is accomplished there will be because God accomplishes it through the chemo team. Such thinking lifts what could have been a heavy burden before going into treatment, which will begin on May 12, and last for 6 months.

I loved being in Mary’s cancer-classroom tonight, listening to all she’s learned. And as incongruous as it may seem, because of her cancer, she’s better than ever.

“The things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for the chemo decision having been made
  2. Praise for a “regular” day, participating at the Mom-to-Mom Ministry at church
  3. Pray that God will guard my heart when I can’t sleep and fears try to creep back in

Cancer and Other Hard Things

Posted on by

Tonight I got to do something I’ve been eagerly looking forward to for quite a while: collect daughter Linnea and 3 month old Isaac at Midway Airport. Traveling with a young baby can be problematic, but for Linnea it was like a vacation. That’s because she left the other 3 (ages 5, 4, and 2) home with daddy.

Linnea and Isaac.We have these two only for a weekend, but extended family will get to meet Isaac, and I’m thrilled for this unique time with “just them.”

Tonight’s blog is one Linnea wrote for her web site (Only One Thing) on March 4, after learning of her Aunt Mary’s cancer. Because Isaac was born with an unusual little hand, she blends the disappointment of both events in what she writes, below:

*            *            *            *

Two weeks ago my family got some bad news. Some very bad news.

I was getting ready to take Isaac for a walk when I noticed a message from my mom on my phone. My heart sank. My mom is not a phone person and she never calls me unless something really major has happened. I strapped Isaac into his baby carrier, stepped out the front door, and nervously called her back.

“It’s Mary,” my mom said, explaining that my aunt had gone to the ER when her fever spiked, which led to extensive testing. “They say she has—” My mom choked on her words and I could tell she was crying, “—pancreatic cancer.”

I burst into tears. “No!” I said. “Not pancreatic cancer. Anything but that… That can’t be right! How can that possibly be?”

See, my family knows all about pancreatic cancer. It took my dad’s life just 42 days after his diagnosis.

Naturally, we initially reacted to Mary’s diagnosis with total panic. All except for Mary, that is. At the end of that long, dreadful day at the hospital she sent my mom a text: “God is good,” it read.

Sisters with grandsWhenever I remember the last six weeks of my dad’s life, Mary always comes to mind. When my mom refused to leave my dad’s hospital bed, Mary was there at her side. When my mom “slept” night after night in a chair, Mary did too, spending those long hours on a hard stool in the corner. But when I said she must be exhausted, she chirped back, “No, I feel fine!”

Later I asked my mom if Mary was always this way—always cheerful, always sure of God’s goodness, never complaining. “No,” my mom said. “She’s grown into it over time” (Best answer ever.)

No one is perfect, including Mary. I’m sure she has her off days and her own private struggles. She wouldn’t be human if she weren’t anxious about the cancer in her body and what it will mean for her future and for her family. But in that crisis moment, when the doctors said “pancreatic cancer,” Mary chose to respond with a statement about God’s goodness.

Since Isaac’s birth, Adam and I have talked many times about the power of our perspective. Sometimes when I’m feeding Isaac, I look at his left hand and find myself praying over him: “Lord, let Isaac be a person who makes the best of things, who’s slow to complain, and doesn’t care all that much what people think. Let him be a happy kid, a thankful man. Give him an overcoming spirit.” I find it significant that Isaac’s name, which we chose before his birth, means laughter.

Isaac, 10 weeksBut the other night I said to Adam, “I’m praying Isaac will have qualities I’m not so sure I have myself.” Do I always make the best of things? Am I thankful for the body I’ve been given? Or do I put it down and wish it were different? How much time do I spend worrying what people think? When I go through something hard, am I watching to see the good God is going to bring out of it? Or am I mostly worrying?

Right after Isaac’s birth I wanted to know Mary’s thoughts about his different hand. She said it will be an important part of Isaac’s story and that God will use it for His glory. She reacted to her own cancer diagnosis the same way—without a trace of self-pity.

Mary has been through a lot of tests recently, and so far, her version of pancreatic cancer seems very different from my dad’s (thank you Lord!). We’ve all stepped back a bit from our initial panic and we are filled with hope that she will live a long time.

This postpartum stretch has been hard for me. There are days when I’m naturally filled with joy and gratitude. But there are other days too. Days when I feel like I’m fighting a battle against a dark sadness that sits at my feet and wants me to sink down into it. For some reason, it tempts me. But then I think of Mary and the kind of wife and mother she is. I think about the way she’s determined to believe God and make the best of things even in the worst circumstances. And I get up, wipe another messy face, change another diaper. I put on some music, bake cookies with the kids, and pray I’m following in Mary’s footsteps.

“The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything.” (Philippians 4:5-6)

Mary’s Prayer Requests and Praises

  1. For the decision about which hospital to use for chemo (So far, each hospital has agreed about treatment.)
  2. For safe travel tomorrow as Luke and family drive to Chicago
  3. Praise for visits and prayer time with old friends