When Unnatural Becomes Natural

Posted on March 11, 2014 by Margaret

This week I’m writing from Florida, where I’m lending a hand to daughter Linnea and her family of six. Though I bought my plane ticket last October, I had decided to cancel my trip, wanting to stay close to my sister Mary as her cancer drama unfolded.

But she and Bervin wouldn’t hear of it. “Don’t call off your plans to help Linnea,” they said, ever-conscious of the needs of others. “You should go.” So here I am, 1600 miles from Mary, getting reacquainted with Skylar (5), Micah (4), Autumn (2) and Isaac (8 weeks). Despite non-stop action, my mind hasn’t been more than inches from Mary.

The other day I mentioned that to her. But ever-positive she said, “Enjoy all that youth down there!”

Last week when I asked if she was worn out after many of her adult children had been over for dinner she said, “It’s encouraging to be around their youthful energy!”

I admire her for her upbeat comments during a very down time. She could just as easily have said, “I wish I was young again, too” or “What I wouldn’t I give to have that kind of energy,” or “If only I was as healthy as they are.” But her positive comments give a glimpse into her intentional bright-side thinking.

When you’re born a natural worrier as Mary was, landing on life-positives and plugging them into the words you speak is no small effort. But as Mary’s example demonstrates, the more we work at what doesn’t come naturally, the more we succeed.

God asks all of us to do difficult things now and then. For example, he wants us to ditch unhealthy habits and establish healthy ones. When neither of those appeal to our stubborn wills, we rebel and say, “I can’t do that, Lord, because…” and follow that with lots of reasons why not. God sees that as an unwillingness to obey.

I’ve witnessed it repeatedly here in Florida. Linnea will say to Micah, “Two more minutes on the trampoline, and then it’s time to come in.”

“But Mommy!” he’ll say. “I didn’t have enough jumping yet! Skylar was bothering me! It’s not fair! I can’t come in! I have to do more jumping!”

Micah’s response to Linnea is much like ours to God. The only difference is we hide ours behind labels like “an expression of my opinion” or “a defense of my legitimate feelings.” The results are the same: “I won’t do it your way.”

Which is why I admire Mary so much. Years ago she made up her mind to look on life’s brighter side, putting away complaining and substituting gratitude instead. It was something God wanted her to do. After she’d worked hard at it for years, what was once unnatural became natural. And now it’s who she is.

Maybe that’s because whenever we willingly follow God’s instructions, he blessed us richly for it.

“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3)

Mary’s prayer requests:

Peace for her children and that they’d turn to God’s Word for strength and comfort
Praise for the flood of support and encouragement received through prayer, gifts, cards, calls, emails, visits.
Thanks for Bervin who is faithfully staying beside Mary through all of this. For peace and courage for him.

When Love Comes Easy

Posted on March 5, 2014 by Margaret

If cancer strikes someone we love, it has a way of dictating an uncertain future for the one who’s sick but also for those surrounding her. In most cases, cancer becomes a family affair. Those who haven’t been demonstrative suddenly begin hugging each other, and everybody goes out of their way to be kind. Fresh bonds are formed, and declarations of love become easier to make.

These are some of the positives God brings when circumstances seem the most negative. But how much nicer is it when families have practiced kindness and love all along, before the crisis? None of us should wait for an emergency to work at forming strong bonds or to start hugging. Families can weather storms much better when harmony is already a way of life.

Three months ago Mary turned 70. As a special birthday treat her children created a book of notes, photos, and greeting cards from family and friends, each one a tribute to their mom. Naturally her extended family was well represented in the album, along with scores of others. But when the messages were written, no one knew the birthday girl would soon be coping with cancer.

Life’s crises tend to come on us suddenly, often taking us by complete surprise. And frequently the chaos of crisis events doesn’t give us time to mend relationships or right wrongs before it’s too late. Regret sets in, and we are saddened to know we lost our chance to say and do all the good stuff before it was “forced” by circumstances. A better approach would be to steadily work at those things as we go along, day by day, keeping short accounts with those we love.

This week while texting back and forth with Mary I asked how she was feeling. Her answer was interesting. “I’ve been sitting in the sun [their condo has a southern exposure] reading my birthday book, overwhelmed by it all.”

If Mary’s kids had waited to make her birthday book until after her diagnosis, every single message would have made reference to her cancer, whether directly or indirectly, and the whole thing would have taken on a sad feel. How much more nourishing for her to be drenched in warmth this week, both from sunshine streaming through the windows and pre-cancer love radiating from her album.

Love should flow through all of us, certainly during times of crisis, but it should be just as evident on ordinary, nothing-special days.

“Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Mary’s prayer praises:

Praise for feeling pretty good and sleeping well
Praise for so many encouraging cards/notes
Praise for the richness of God’s Word
Praise for a supportive, caring family

Lifelong Learner

Posted on February 12, 2014 by Margaret

No one would dispute that one-year-olds learn fast. In January, I left home for just 2 weeks, and when I returned, Emerald had learned all kinds of new things. Though she’d been good at giving slobbery kisses when I left, by the time I got back she’d learned how to pucker up and lean in with a tender “mmmmm,” inviting the kiss-ee to come closer. She’d also learned to take the caps off marking pens and write on herself, and to pull things off table edges.

Though I tried to keep careful track of her that first babysitting gig after coming home, she surprised me anyway. A water bottle I use while ironing had found its way into her lap, and she’d learned to spray it. I found her dousing herself with one squirt after another, accompanied by a little gasp each time the cold water hit her, followed by a giggle.

Squirt, gasp, giggle. Squirt, gasp, giggle.

When she saw me, she grinned as if to say, “Look what I learned!” Her face was dripping and her shirt soaked, but that didn’t suppress her joy over learning something new. Later that same day I was making my bed, tucking in the edges. Emerald watched and immediately imitated my hand motions with her pudgy fingers.

Although babies never lose their zeal for learning, somewhere along the way the rest of us do. Our perspective is no longer, “I can do this!” but more like, “I hope I can figure it out.”

Maybe our cerebral cortexes have no more free space to make new rivulets. Or maybe we’re just tired. But the truth is, we absolutely must keep learning. If we opt out, we’re on our way to watching life from a chair in the corner.

There is some good news, though. God wired us to be capable of learning throughout our lives and encourages us to do and be everything he’s planned for us. As the Great Facilitator, he can take any daunting task and open our understanding to it as we ask him for help. And if we continue to show a willingness to learn, he’ll continue to assist, eventually smiling along with us when we “get it.”

In my prayer group this week (all of us in our 60’s), we agreed that the more we learn, the more we see is left to learn. To say it the opposite way, if we don’t try, we feel we aren’t missing much. But when we discover there’s always much more to learn, God wants us to relate that insight to himself, that there’s never an end to what we can learn of him, either. No matter how much know, there will always be more.

As for Emerald, she’s done it again. This week she learned to drive!