Category Archives: Learning from our past

Really? No rules?

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No rulesMy sister, brother and I grew up in a house with very few rules. Actually, I can’t think of even one. Our mom operated at the extreme end of lenient, and of course we kids were happy about that.

Recently I wondered if my advanced age might not have tilted the truth on that, so I asked Mary. Since she’s 2 years ahead of me, her childhood memories are inevitably more accurate than mine.

“No,” she said, thinking back. “I can’t remember a single rule.”

Not having any rules didn’t mean Mom wasn’t teaching us. For example, I recall one moment when I was 11 and had developed the sloppy bathroom habit of stuffing wet towels into the towel bar in a ball-like wad. Then one day Mom walked in just as I was stuffing.

Rather than chide me, she took the towel out of the bar, shook it out, and said, “I’ll be interested to visit your house some day when you’re an adult. All your bathroom towels will be wet balls.”

Neatly hung towelShe then carefully looped the towel over the bar, running her hand the length of it for extra smoothness. I stood there studying her work and realized for the first time why my towels had always been damp. But something else more important happened, too. I felt badly about stuffing my towel, because I’d been a disappointment to Mom.

Many years later I asked her, “Why didn’t you ever give us a list of rules or punish us when we did things badly?”

Her answer revealed her parenting philosophy. “Once you knew the right thing to do, I knew you’d do it…. because you loved me.”

Hmmmm.

I’ve often felt that same way toward God, wanting to please him with my daughter-behavior. When I fail, it impacts me greatly because of how much I love him. It’s interesting that after God set out 10 commands for his children to obey, Jesus condensed them into 2, both based on acting in love in response to his love for us. Maybe Mom had something there.

Nate and I raised our children with rules, insisting on regular chores, compulsory church attendance, spankings for defiant behavior, etc. Maybe we had to do it because there were so many of them. Or maybe the difference between our rules and Mom’s lack of them was that she was a kid-at-heart and we weren’t.

In any case, years after my towel-hanging exchange with Mom, I had acquired some bathroom towel bars of my own. And when she came to visit Nate and I, she always found neatly hung towels drying nicely.

Towels hooksBut then 7 children joined us, requiring endless towel-hanging exchanges with them that were no fun to have. So we finally eliminated the whole problem. We took down the towel bars and hung 7 hooks.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind and….  Love your neighbor as yourself….  The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

Growing Pains

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Early morningThis morning Nelson and I set off for the airport by 5:25 AM where he once again boarded a plane back to Youth With A Mission, this time in Montana . As we drove through the dark we enjoyed talking, knowing we wouldn’t have another face-to-face conversation until Christmas.

This morning’s exchange of ideas centered on our usual: God and how he does things. Nelson is facing a new teaching position that has him working diligently on complicated preparations. None of it is easy, and he vacillates between excitement and concern. I know he’ll do an excellent job, but that’s easy for me to say; I’m not in the hot seat.

Webinar.Yesterday, though, I experienced a similar leap of stress when an email arrived from my publisher describing an assignment he thinks I should take: a webinar on handling grief. My only response was, “What’s a webinar?”

[It’s a seminar online that lets participants see and hear the presenter(s) as they answer interview questions or conduct discussions. By way of the internet, listeners interested in the topic can participate live, if they wish.]

Not only is this foreign to me, it’s scary. My contact assured me I didn’t need to be an expert on grief in general, just on my own grief experience. The goal will be to encourage people who are struggling with sorrow, letting them know they’ll be able to move forward again one day with fresh joy in their lives.

Of course that purpose is valuable, just like Nelson’s teaching is, but for both of us these new challenges are intimidating. It would be easier to dwell in a “comfort zone” and stick with that as the ongoing status quo. Learning new skills and conquering feelings of inadequacy can really take it out of a person.

But as Nelson and I talked this morning, the bottom line always has to be, “What does God want us to do?” If any request comes because he sent it, a “yes” is the only good answer. We ought to acknowledge our own shortfalls and then quickly melt into his capability, knowing that’s the only way these challenging tasks can ever get done well.

Maybe that’s the reason God asks us to do hard things in the first place. He isn’t about setting us in places of comfort or ease but prefers we stretch and grow, not as much for our own benefit as for someone else’s. There’s another possibility, too. The current “new thing” he asks us to do may simply be his chosen way to lead us on to something else, i.e. Step A toward his Step B.

Or C.  Or D.  Such a thought is unnerving.

Last dinner together for a whileBut Nelson said yes, and I did too, so we’re both off and running….  straight to God.

“Be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

Satisfaction and Joy

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ChefThe day Hans met Katy, he had no way of knowing how radically his life was about to change. In the 7½ years since then, he’s moved to England, been embraced by a British family he hadn’t known before, married their daughter, put down roots in a town in north England, and fathered 4 lively children. In less than a decade his life has changed in every category. Had he been given the details ahead of time, he wouldn’t have believed it.

Handyman

 

During these years, Hans has loved learning to cook, to fix broken things, to bathe and read to children, to preach sermons, to wash dishes, to teach percussion, and a wide variety of other things. And this 30 year old guy is a happy man.

Hans didn’t always walk closely with God, having several years of “crazy” in his past. But when he finally gave his life over to the Lord for his purposes, a world of satisfaction and joy became his. Today he’s a walking, talking example of Luke 6:38:

“Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full — pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

Who wouldn’t want God’s blessings “pressed down, shaken together, and running over?”

Bedtime story readerThe way to get that is in the first word: “Give… and you will receive.” Give first. If I had to summarize Hans’ life in  one word, it would be “giver”. From waking at 5:30 AM to give the best hour of every day to his Lord, until he and Katy fall into bed expecting to give to children during the night, Hans is a giver. What motivates him?

There was nothing unusual about Hans in his growing-up years, and as his mom, I can’t point to anything I did to contribute to his success story. If his father was here, he’d say the same. What, then, set him up for the satisfaction and joy he’s experiencing?

I decided to ask him tonight, and here’s what he said: “Discovering the Gospel continues to change everything for me. My identity is in Christ, and it’s essential to know who you are, and to be at peace. I’m forgiven by God and adopted into His family by the grace of Jesus Christ. Also, knowing that the Holy Spirit is keeping me gives me confidence, even when circumstances are difficult – which they often are.”

The teacher plays.Hans is an example of how lavishly the Lord is willing to bless anyone who is fully submitted to him, not necessarily with money or possessions but with abundant satisfaction and joy. And the good news is, God will do it for any of us.

One of Hans’ favorite verses: “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)