I wanna do it!

Emerald loves to help in the kitchen. Never mind that she’s only 7 months old. When I cut up my stir-fry veggies, she likes to sit in her Bumbo on the counter next to me, banging the broccoli against the counter-top or washing the pea pods with her drool.

Emerald assists in the kitchen

If I’m holding her when I open the refrigerator, she lunges toward its contents, fascinated by the variety of colors and shapes inside. This afternoon I decided she could help as I put food away and set her Bumbo in front of the fruit and veggie drawers. She happily banged them open and closed, sucked on the bag of mini-carrots, and rattled the salad dressing bottles overhead.

No doubt Emerald thinks of herself as wonderfully capable and wonders why she isn’t allowed to do everything the rest of us do. But of course there are several problems. She’s inexperienced, unqualified, and incapable. None of that stops her, though, from wanting to try.

When our Louisa began learning to put words together, one of her first (and oft-repeated) sentences was, “I wanna do-it!”

I wanna do it...

At age two, she wanted to accomplish things with skills she thought she had but didn’t. We all saw the disparity, but of course she couldn’t understand. Her desire was strong, and when we wouldn’t let her try something we knew she couldn’t handle, her objections were loud and long. But having a big dose of want-to isn’t enough to accomplish something beyond our capabilities.

How many times do we adults proceed just like baby Emerald or toddler Louisa, ill-equipped to handle a task but diving into it anyway? We think, “Somehow it’ll all work out in the end.” And when it doesn’t, we end up more frustrated than at the beginning.

Scripture says we should count the cost before starting any endeavor, and if we aren’t able to pay the necessary price, we shouldn’t start. This can be a discouraging place to be as we’re forced to wait before taking action, but what we can do while we’re waiting is work to become fit for the undertaking.

I think of the way God works in people’s lives and know we should imitate that. He usually takes his time putting all the pieces in place before unveiling his plans for us. That’s why it seems so long between our prayer requests and his answers. He doesn’t rush to get things completed in a hurry, and he never panics, but instead proceeds in an orderly way. We should determine to do the same, programming planning-pauses into our lives.

Baby Emerald will gain in skill as she gains in months, and toddler-Louisa has grown into a capable young adult. But all of us have to learn (one way or another) that when we “wanna do it right now,” our timing could very well be off.

And if we need to talk it over with someone who understands, Emerald is usually available.

“Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:24-25)

Signs of the Times

Let's celebrate !Today was a day of celebration centered around our middle child, Klaus. Last week he graduated with a degree in Human Resource Management from Purdue University at the same time as he turned 32, and he’s close to launching an interactive web site he’s been developing for 3 years, www.fishaband.com. On top of that, he and Brooke are 3 weeks from their wedding and a honeymoon in Hawaii, making these particular months an extraordinary time for them both.

Every life includes significant mile-markers, and looking backward we can see them clearly. Some are celebratory events like today’s party, but others would never be labeled “celebrations”. We don’t think of the negatives as being mile-markers, but they’re probably more significant than the party-worthy ones. For example, a critical comment might be a marker that ends up changing a bad behavior pattern. Or an unexpected job loss might lead to a much better career.

An important marker might be a parent’s dementia when they no longer recognize their own child, or the death of someone dearly loved. These milestones aren’t good ones but are profoundly important just the same. And good things can come from all of them. Klaus is a case in point.

Nate and I had to take him out of college (for financial reasons) when he was only half-finished at age 20, a big disappointment to him at the time. Today, degree in hand, he looks back at that signpost and says, “It’s better this way. Back then I had no idea what I wanted from life.” Good has come from what was a “bad” marker 12 years ago.

A GOOD day...

Another Klaus-example was the signpost that occurred when he chose to leave the bustling Chicago metro area to live in a tiny Michigan town. After living his whole life “in the big city,” his move to a small town seemed difficult, but down the road he ended up meeting his true love.

Scripture tells us if we turn our lives over to God’s direction, every mile-marker after that will have positive results….. eventually. As always, patience is required, but if we’ve given our lives to God for his purposes (which are always good), without fail those purposes will stand. (Proverbs 19:21)

Klaus has committed his life to Jesus Christ, and the markers we celebrated today are part of what has resulted. He recognizes that this year’s many important signposts are exactly what God had in mind for him. Though there may be disappointments or even catastrophes in his future, they won’t come without God having sanctioned them first, and since that’s true, Klaus can proceed with confidence and optimism.

Cousins Emerald and Jones, 1 week apart

One of his gifts today was a box entitled, “Your Life in T-shirts.” Each one represented a life-marker, beginning with a tiny baby shirt embossed with his name. He’ll wear many other shirts in coming years such as “fishaband.com” or “Welcome to Fatherhood!” or “Little League Coach.” Today we celebrated the signposts thus far…. while God was busy putting the next markers into place.

“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” (Isaiah 30:21)

If I had a hammer….

My husband was not a handyman. When I married him, I thought being mechanically inclined came naturally to most men, and that he’d automatically be my Mr. Fix-it. But when I asked him to do manual labor of any kind, he always bristled. I couldn’t figure it out, but that didn’t stop me from asking or him from complying.

A new seat

One day I thought maybe I was asking beyond his expertise. If I could find a simple task, things would go better. When our old toilet seat cracked, I came home with a new one and asked him to put it on. Two bolts. How hard could it be?

An hour after he started, I returned to inspect (and hopefully praise) him but found him spreading all our bath towels on a flooding floor.

“What happened?” I said.

“I couldn’t get the bolts off the old toilet seat, so I tried to hammer them off. That’s when water started pouring out the bottom!”

Not being mechanical myself, I hadn’t noticed the bolts were old metal ones, rusted and stuck. I probably would have used a hammer, too. The bottom line was a cracked toilet bowl that had to be replaced.

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Hammer

Remembering this incident reminded me of something I heard last week about unnecessary use of a hammer: “If a hammer is the only tool you have, everything looks like a nail.”

Isn’t that sometimes true of the way we try to get the attention of certain people in our lives? Sometimes we’re so passionate about making our point we “hammer it home” with excessive force when force isn’t needed.

Jesus described himself as gentle (Matthew 11:29), which didn’t preclude him from using force in the rare situations that warranted it. But he taught us by his consistent example that the most powerful tool was usually to use gentleness. That makes sense, since disproportionate force closes people off and prevents them from even hearing us.

Concerning the toilet bowl incident, a better approach would have been for Nate and I to have had a gentle discussion early in our marriage exploring why he disliked mechanical tasks so much. It would have saved a good deal of unnecessary angst and offense. Thankfully, we finally did that, and I learned the simple answer to the problem: he’d never been taught to do the tasks I was asking him to do. He certainly gets credit for trying, though, and I wish I’d given him more of it.

Tools

Eventually God surprised us when he endowed several of our children with the natural mechanical abilities our family (and our house) needed. And they knew how to use all kinds of tools…. not just hammers.

Paul said, “What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit? (1 Corinthians 4:21)