Category Archives: Learning from our past

Trying to Trust

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Welcoming a new baby is an immense blessing, a gift from God unmatched by any other. Along with every newborn, however, comes a list of responsibilities that can scare even the most well-prepared woman. The buck stops at mommy, and it’s her job to make sure baby grows and thrives. But what about mommy?

Babies have erratic sleep patterns, and a cat-napping little one translates to mama-exhaustion. Worst of all is the middle-of-the-night, wide-awake baby who thinks it’s playtime. Although mothers usually thrill to a baby’s giggles and grins, during the night it’s cause for despair.

Snatching sleep

Last night, 6 month old Emerald did the playtime-at-night thing… for hours. When I came downstairs this morning and saw rumpled blankets on the living room floor, I knew it’d been a night of action with Birgitta eeking out bits of sleep in the midst of Emerald’s playground…. surely a mothering low point.

New moms, though, aren’t the only ones who battle sleeplessness. Sometimes when Birgitta is “doing a night” downstairs, I’m upstairs doing one, too, wasting precious zzzz’s tending to my worries.

Of course the struggle is all in my head but is no less real than what’s happening downstairs. Yesterday, for example, while climbing a small dune, I stepped over something frightening: a long, winding snake track in the soft sand. Fearful of snakes, I froze, wondering if the track-maker was nearby. My eyes followed its trail till it disappeared into the woods, and from the markings, I could tell it was a big one.

Snake track

Then last night, as I put my head on the pillow, I asked God to spare me from snake nightmares. He did, but I forgot to also mention stray thoughts. About 3:30 am I was awake and wondering:

  • What would make a snake cross an exposed sand dune like that?
  • Did it come out of a hole close-by?
  • Were there others lurking about, maybe a nest of wriggling babies?
  • Might snakes be in the woods outside my house?
  • Could a snake get into my house? Could it climb the steps?
  • Would a snake try to bite me?
  • Would it be something I could ever forget?

Birgitta’s sleep deprivation wasn’t her fault. Mine was.

As a Christian with an invitation to access Christ’s power, why did I lie awake and agonize as I had? Didn’t I trust God to take care of me? Haven’t I memorized Scriptures about pushing back fear? And the most poignant question, don’t I believe God would help me cope if I had a snake-encounter? [shudder]

Snake evidence

In the light of day, the Lord let me know the purpose of last night’s misery: he’s working on my trust issues. Although it doesn’t feel very good to be tested, the Bible tells me he’s going to do it again anyway, probably in the near future. I’m only hoping it won’t have to do with snakes, but….

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All things considered, maybe Birgitta has the better night-time gig.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him.” (Romans 15:13)

Sum…. Sum…. Summertime

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For those of us who love hot, sunny weather, summertime is where it’s at. Once May 1st arrives, we’re giddy with anticipation, and if perchance May presents us with an 80 degree day, it’s cause for audible hallelujahs.

Perfect beach day

Today was that day! The windows flew open despite the absence of screens, the hot-weather clothes emerged from the back of the closet, and my bike rolled up from its basement storage. Along with my still-packed beach bag from last summer, today’s beach outing was delightfully July-like. And to celebrate, Jack got started on his annual shedding program.

There’s something cathartic about settling into a beach chair and notching it to tip-back position. The sigh of “ahhhhh” explains the feeling…. or maybe that’s just for us summertime people. For us, any excuse is good enough to head for a sunny beach, and I’d pitch a permanent tent on the sand if I could. But there is a down side.

Ahhhhh

My skin testifies to how many thousands of hours I’ve spent beneath powerful sun rays at the shore, and the fact that I have my own skin doctor is proof of damage done, amidst the many hallelujahs and ahhhhhs.

Most of us (not just us summer-timers) are experts at justifying the things we love to do, even if it might have harmful consequences for ourselves or, worse yet, for someone else. (I’m not referring to anything illegal here.) We can list all kinds of reasons why it’s ok, even profitable, to spend time doing what might be beneficial in small doses, in big ones. Sometimes we rationalize it to the point of believing we’d be foolish not to do it, and once that happens, it’s difficult to set a limit.

That is, unless God sets it for us.

He might challenge us to take another look at how we’re spending our time through the words of someone we respect and admire, or he could confront us through the mouth of a child we love. It’s possible he’ll stop us by orchestrating consequences that require medical attention, even allowing us to experience an accident. Maybe he’ll simply demonstrate how the losses outweigh the benefits of whatever we’re doing too much of.

Whatever technique God uses, it will or won’t work depending on how we respond.

Some of us plow ahead with doing what we like to do, thinking we’re demonstrating the positive qualities of strength and determination. In reality, being unable to limit ourselves is probably a sign of weakness. But God’s intentions are to strengthen us to do what’s right.

SPF 15

And so, rather than sit under a cloudless sky in a tipped-back beach chair for too many skin-damaging hours, I decided to take action.

I upped the SPF number on my sun screen.

”You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe…. then you know that you’re out of line.” (Romans 14:22-23, The Message)

Well…. we’ll see.

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Recently all of us followed developments of the Boston bombings, sometimes having to turn away from the shocking images in the news. There was one photo, though, that fascinated me. It was the x-ray-like picture taken from a hovering helicopter over the boat in which police finally found the younger brother hiding.

Infared technology

That picture, taken with an infrared heat-sensing camera from above clearly showed the 19 year old’s body, though he was hiding beneath a heavy boat tarp. Police said they even saw, through the camera lens, that he was moving, which told them he was still alive and might be aggressive toward them.

The fact that the heat-seeking camera could do such an accurate job identifying him was astounding and also thought-provoking. As he lay there thinking he wasn’t visible to anyone, the whole world was watching him.

Scripture tells us that everything will eventually be spotlighted, and it doesn’t mean just tangible things like bodies. The secrets we’re keeping will also be exposed, as well as thoughts we might rather have kept under cover.

According to news web sites, the heat-seeking camera used in Boston is able to “strip away the cloak of darkness or the cover of fog or smoke” because, as the Massachusetts State Police said, “It picks up the heat signature of the individual.” The young man ran, but while he was still alive and warm, he sure couldn’t hide.

The same goes for us, though God doesn’t need a special camera to see what’s hidden. When the time comes for him to make an assessment of each individual, nothing will be out of sight. Actually, it’s not really about “when the time comes,” since it’s true already.

Hebrews says, “The word of God…. judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (v.12-13) That’s written in the present tense, so in a way, we’re in the same boat at the bomb suspect.

What can be done about it?

The Lord lets us know about his x-ray vision ahead of time so we can make a conscious choice to clean up our acts, including thoughts. He knows we’ll make an effort to live by a higher standard than we might have, if we thought no one was looking. And apparently he believes we are capable of making positive improvements, or he wouldn’t challenge us to do so.

Bombing Suspect #2 In Custody

Concerning the 19 year old man who thought he was hidden but wasn’t, maybe he’s still hiding some things that the world will soon see. But the more important question is, what am I hiding?

Jesus said, “See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.” (Luke 11:35-36)