Category Archives: Learning from our past

Funny how that works…

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Jack's delightI absolutely love winter. My heavy black coat thickens into a super-coat, and the panting heat of summer is long gone. Snow is like the frosting on my wintertime cake, and I like to burrow in it, roll in it, and wriggle upsidedown happy-dancing in it. Truth be told, I’d like to live outdoors through the entire winter except for one thing: the people I love are inside.

The newest person inside the house is the baby who arrived last October. I didn’t stress much at the time, figuring her position on center stage would be short-lived. After 3½ months, though, she’s still the main attraction, and I have definitely slipped in the rankings. Most of the sweet-talk is still going her way, and the general public races to greet her first now, instead of me.

But something odd has happened in the last week. Deep inside me I sense the beginning of a strange affection for this mini-human. Unlike me when I was 3 months old, she can’t walk, run, stand, or even sit up. She’s virtually helpless, and my heart goes out to her. She doesn’t even realize she could reach the dog treats if she tried.

So finally I decided to reconcile myself with the fact that she’s here to stay, and along with that, I might as well get in sync with the others in our house. Now when I hear Midge or anyone else cooing or sweet-talking the baby, I no longer push in for my share of the love. Instead I’ve begun a little cooing of my own. Though it sounds more like a squeaky hinge, in my head it’s cooing.

Love

And it’s funny what began happening. Last week when I gently laid down next to the baby on her play mat, both Birgitta and Midge ran for their cameras. “Look how cute he is!” they said, actually referring to me this time. “He wants to be with the baby. What a sweet doggie!” And click-click went the cameras.

Later that day I gave the baby two gentle kisses on her tiny hand, which was a special gift to her, since I give out only about 5 kisses per month. (By the way, she tasted very good.)

You know, sometimes when we want something badly (like I wanted all the attention), it escapes us. No matter how we try, we can’t make it ours. Then when we give up and surrender the thing we wanted most, it somehow comes to us! It doesn’t make sense, but that’s what’s happened to me.

Making a snow angel

And I’m so thrilled about it, I think I’ll go out in the snow right now and celebrate with a nice long happy dance!

“Give, and you will receive…. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” (Luke 6:38)

Leaning into Fantasy

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A dear friend from our old Illinois neighborhood called and left a message the other day. “I have some news for you.”

Our old house

Nate and I moved from there 4 years ago this month, selling our home after having had it on the market for over 4 years. But it took us about that long to get used to the idea of moving anyway. After living there nearly 30 years, it was tough to leave, but we loved the much-smaller cottage we were moving to in Michigan, a beach community that had been our family’s gathering place for 3 generations.

When I re-called my neighbor she said, “Would you like to move back to the neighborhood? Your old house is up for sale!”

That was about the last thing I’d expected to hear. The mid-20’s couple who’d bought our 6 bedrooms had planned to fill the rooms with children, and in the last 3 years had had 2 of them. Hearing that they wanted to move was a big surprise.

Our family had loved living in that century-old farmhouse with its secret closet, 2 stairways, strange attic, and other unique features, so my neighbor’s question was tempting. Move back to my old friends? Our beloved church and pastor? Shopping areas that were 1 mile away instead of 25?

It was a delicious thought.

But later, when Birgitta, Nelson, and I talked it through, the reality wasn’t as tasty. For one thing, Nate wouldn’t be there. He and I had done life together in that home, from weathering storms to bringing new babies there. Without him, that houseful of memories would seem empty and sad. And of course I don’t need such big digs.

Our kitchenTheir kitchen

Whether we like it or not, time keeps marching forward, and circumstances change, some for the good, some for the bad. We can’t go backwards hoping to recreate what we had. If what we had wasn’t good, we don’t mind. But if it was, we have to firmly deal with ourselves to make sure we don’t yearn for something that can’t be ours.

God’s counsel on this is to be future-focused, “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” (Philippians 4:13) In that same passage Paul says, “Our conversation is in heaven.” (v. 20,KJV)

Living and belonging there will be more important than anything we’ve known here, and it’s all still in front of us. Leaning backwards to recapture something that can’t possibly compare with what’s ahead is to set ourselves up for a big letdown.

And so, after we took a visual tour of our old house on Zillow.com, we stopped entertaining the idea of living there again and began listing the many reasons we’re glad God put us exactly where he did.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14)

Selfish or Selfless?

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My little house has 3 bedrooms: one large, one medium, and one closet-sized. We’ve taken the large bedroom and made it more like a camp cabin, putting the emphasis on sleeping space.

The room has a variety of beds with one king, one double, one twin, one twin-size floor mat, room for another twin in the closet and two mattresses stuffed under existing beds. Although there are ample blankets and pillows (at one point I counted 32 pillows), once in a while there are still problems.

“I need a flat pillow… a fluffy one… one without feathers.”

Or, “Where’s my favorite pillow?”

As the pillows get passed around, “favorites” get lost. Since I’m lucky enough to sleep in a different room, I have charge of my own favorite pillow. But one day I decided to choose (and hide) a spare, just in case.

I plucked one of the best pillows from the pile with just the right depth and feel, wrapped it in a plastic bag, and stashed it under my bed. That way, if anyone “borrowed” my bed pillow and failed to return it, my back-up would be ready. And then I promptly forgot about it.

Stashed

Several years passed until yesterday, when I was in a cleaning frenzy and decided to pull everything out from under my dressers and bed. There were old Christmas cards, sandals, a bin of papers, extension cords, a folded rug, boots…. and my pillow. I hadn’t even remembered it was there.

The pillow was still clean and in great condition, but as I pulled it out of the bag, it struck me what a waste it had been to stuff it under my bed like that. Truthfully, it was selfish and might even have qualified as hoarding, which is “to accumulate a supply of something that’s hidden or carefully guarded for preservation or future use.”

That’s exactly what I was doing with my pillow. If I was a squirrel, hoarding would have been commendable, but in my case, I was just refusing to share.

A pillow may be a small thing, and we had 31 others people were able to use. But the principle of withholding something good so others can’t use it and saving it for self is a serious fault.

Even more important than sharing a pillow, however, is sharing the other things God gives us, like spiritual blessings. For example, if we’re saved by Jesus, we should eagerly introduce him to others. If we’ve been given spiritual insights, we should willingly share them. And if we have opportunities to serve someone in need, we should offer to do so. Spiritual blessings that are hoarded put us in disobedience to the Lord.

But God knows that sometimes sharing is really hard. Once in a while it goes against our natural leanings so significantly that it’s a major sacrifice to do it. But that’s what makes it valuable to him and important for us. In my case, maybe it would be easier to share if I looked at every selfish impulse in the light of God’s opinion.

If I did, I know I’d never again stuff a pillow under my bed.

“Do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” (Hebrews 13:16)