Category Archives: Learning from our past

Rules of the Game

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Although Skylar and Micah are gone now, happy reminders of their visit are everywhere. At one point last week we brought out a bin of jumbled dominoes, some black, others brown, still others with colored dots, and one ivory-white set.

As I tried to teach her how to play authentic dominoes, she added her own creative flare to the game by filling in every available space between tiles. We ended up with less of a dotty road and more of a domino doormat. Showing her how to stand them up and watch them fall in succession was frustrating when her line kept falling ahead of schedule, so Skylar pursued her other ideas.

 

She transformed the dominoes into little houses, then into people who talked back and forth. She used them as blocks and also separated them into like categories. One morning I came downstairs to find she’d carefully placed the white dominoes atop the white piano keys. Who needs domino rules with so many other ways to play with them?

Many of us adults have a similar bent toward creative game-playing, although with us it might be interpreted as “ditch the rules and do it my way.” Sometimes we approach God like that, acknowledging his Rule Book and how he wants us to play the game of life but then making a case for personal creativity so we can side-step him. So, how much creativity is too much? Is there any wiggle room with God?

He gives us 66 books detailing how best to live our lives. Then he says, “You can do it in many specific ways, and each life will look different. Be creative! There’s just one condition: stay within my protective perimeters.”

It’s that last part that gets to us, producing streaks of rebellion we hope God will see as creativity. But when he says “don’t” he means, “Don’t hurt yourself by disobeying me.” Along with his don’ts, he usually says, “If you do it your way instead of mine, here’s what your self-wounding will look like.” But when our creative juices get flowing and our own ideas seem superior to his rules, we often can’t help ourselves.

Thankfully, though, natural consequences are an effective teacher. With enough self-inflicted pain, we eventually understand that God wrote the rule book the way he did for reasons that would benefit us.

As for Skylar, ultimately we had to put an end to her creativity. Using the dominoes like missiles was a no-go. Through natural consequences (the dominoes going back to the basement) she learned creativity can, indeed, go too far.

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” (Galatians 6:4, The Message)

Perfect Protection

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We’ve all heard the rumor that a thriving population of alligators lives in the New York sewer system. That became popular in the 1950’s when local dime stores like Woolworths and Ben Franklins sold baby alligators as pets.

Actually Nate bought one of them as a school boy, bringing it home for his mother’s approval. He guessed she wouldn’t let him keep it, and after several days she did march him and his reptile back to the store for a refund. Other ‘gator owners chose to slip them down gutter drains or into sewer pipes when they grew too big to keep, which is how the sewer rumors got started.

As Nate matured, he learned how dangerous alligators could be and realized why his mother hadn’t let him keep his ‘gator when he’d pleaded to do so. She was simply protecting him from harm.

Do we ever take time to look back on the protective parenting God has done for us? If we do, we’ll notice how often he saves us from dangerous situations by overriding our poor decisions with his better alternatives. I remember one dramatic example of this as a college freshman. My roommate and I, part of a choir tour, were given one free evening to roam in a big university town.

The two of us chose to wander around the massive campus and went into the student union, looking for fun. Tacked on the bulletin board was a 3×5 card: “Party tonight in [dorm name], room 245.”

That sounded good to us, two sheltered 18 year olds without a shred of street smarts. We asked other students the way to the dorm and quickly found ourselves locked in a room with a group of rowdy boys already well-fueled on alcohol. The “party” wasn’t what we’d envisioned, and it became obvious the two of us were going to be the meat on the menu.

It’s a long story, but the bottom line was that God provided a way out, and we bolted away unscathed. Though we’d been sure of ourselves going in, the Lord knew better and saved us from our own stupidity. Looking back, we can see the recklessness of that night and are thankful for God’s intervention.

But what about those times when he doesn’t save, when he doesn’t prevent the accident or doesn’t heal the cancer? In Nate’s case, he chose not to stop a disease from taking him. Can we look back and see God’s protection? Gradually we’re gaining that exact perspective and are understanding that he did protect Nate… from having to live with debilitating pain and a slow deterioration. He also protected the rest of us from having to share in that.

But what about those cases where we look back and still can’t see how God protected? Can we trust that he did?

We can, for one good reason: his Son asked him to do so. Jesus prayed,

“Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name.” (John 17:11)

And God has been doing it ever since.

Heavy Hats

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Amy Grant sings a song entitled “Hats” in which she describes the harried life of a young mom trying to be all her husband wants her to be. She sings about expending herself in the roles of homemaker, wife, lover, mother, cook, date-night partner, and career woman.

She also references running like crazy through each day and working through the night hounded by a phone that never stops ringing. Half way through the song she sings, “How do I manage to hold onto my sanity?”

While tussling with the truth that she can’t wear all the hats her commitments require, she finally asks her husband, “Can I really be the girl you think you see in me?”

That’s a good question for each of us. “Am I loaded down with too many hats because I’m trying to project an image that’s not really me?”

Amy quotes Scripture in her intense song: “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,” which is precisely the problem. We want to be someone we can’t possibly be. Sadly, knowing we can’t do it doesn’t stop us from continually trying.

Nate used to say he had difficulty “switching hats” from downtown lawyer to suburban father. Although he had a 40 minute train commute during which he could have worked at changing his hats, what usually happened was he ended up wearing them both, along with several others.

Amy would have nodded with understanding. About her own life she sings, “This may be a dream come true, but when it all comes down, it’s an awful lot to do.” And that’s true for most people in our bustling society. On this second day of a brand new year, though, we can ask, “Which hats does God want me to wear in 2012? And which should I work to remove?”

Tina, a blog commenter, left a perceptive prayer on this site one year ago. It embodies our never-ending human struggle between doing and being: ”Lord, we want your will, whether we want it or not.”

As children of God, we say we’re submitted to his choices but then pull ourselves out from under his leadership to put on an extra hat. With a heavier load, then, we echo Amy: “Why do I have to wear so many things on my head?”

The answer is, “You don’t.”

Like everything else in life, we need to prioritize:

  • The Christian hat
  • The spousal hat
  • The parenting hat
  • The work hat
  • The ministry hat
  • All other hats

After the first few, we can freely say, “Do I have to wear the rest?”

Not that hat removal is without complications. But eliminating unnecessary hats will, as Amy says, allow us to keep our sanity. We might even find time to sing a brand new tune.

“See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth.” (Psalm 42:9a,10a)