Honestly….

Posted on September 1, 2013 by Margaret

In recent weeks, Louisa, Birgitta, Emerald, and I have made friends with a friendly critter who lives on our front porch, a handsome toad we named Terrence.

Every evening at about 9:00, Terrence appears in the same corner of the porch, only a few inches from where we step in and out of the house. As we’ve passed, time after time, he’s never flinched, even at Jack’s dangerously close paws that are as big as he is. And in the morning, Terrence is always gone.

Late one night as we stepped past Terrence to walk Jack, I asked Louisa, “What is it about the corner of our porch that brings him back night after night?”

“The bug-buffet, Mom.”

Of course she was right. Frogs and toads love bugs, and our porch light brought an ongoing, yummy supply for Terrence. Though we never saw him nab one, we knew he was.

As much as we enjoyed our tenacious toad, we had reason to believe his days at the buffet were numbered. After our encounter with a brown recluse spider last week, we enlisted the help of a pest control service scheduled to arrive with potent chemicals soon, though Terrence didn’t know it.

* * * *

All of us are familiar with the old adage, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” It’s ready justification for withholding information from, say, an accident report, or an information resource, or a courtroom testimony. Another example might be a good cook who’s asked to share a recipe. She purposely leaves out one ingredient so another cook’s finished product won’t taste as good as hers.

But the old adage isn’t really true; what someone doesn’t know can hurt him. Even in the case of withholding an ingredient, which seems silly, two people get hurt: the first cook who compromises her integrity for selfish gain, and the second, whose recipe fails, making her doubt the first cook’s honesty.

God has a strong opinion about people who wink at lying. For instance, lying is referred to twice in a list of seven things that are “detestable” to him. (Proverbs 6:17,19) He also pits lying against truth, saying those who lie are choosing the devil over him. Satan has no truth in him (John 8:44), and Jesus is the truth (John 14:6).

He challenges us to behave more like him than the devil, choosing a high standard of telling “the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” The reason is important: to reflect the Creator in whose image we’re made. Secondly, he wants to spare us and others from unnecessary hurt.

As for Terrence, the honest, whole-truth thing to do was let him know harsh chemicals were coming, and his best option was to relocate. So we scooped Terrence into a box and drove him to the far corner of our subdivision, gently placing him in a bush near another lighted porch with another delectable bug buffet.

Bon appétit, Terrence!

“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.” (Proverbs 12:19)

Really? No rules?

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Margaret

My sister, brother and I grew up in a house with very few rules. Actually, I can’t think of even one. Our mom operated at the extreme end of lenient, and of course we kids were happy about that.

Recently I wondered if my advanced age might not have tilted the truth on that, so I asked Mary. Since she’s 2 years ahead of me, her childhood memories are inevitably more accurate than mine.

“No,” she said, thinking back. “I can’t remember a single rule.”

Not having any rules didn’t mean Mom wasn’t teaching us. For example, I recall one moment when I was 11 and had developed the sloppy bathroom habit of stuffing wet towels into the towel bar in a ball-like wad. Then one day Mom walked in just as I was stuffing.

Rather than chide me, she took the towel out of the bar, shook it out, and said, “I’ll be interested to visit your house some day when you’re an adult. All your bathroom towels will be wet balls.”

She then carefully looped the towel over the bar, running her hand the length of it for extra smoothness. I stood there studying her work and realized for the first time why my towels had always been damp. But something else more important happened, too. I felt badly about stuffing my towel, because I’d been a disappointment to Mom.

Many years later I asked her, “Why didn’t you ever give us a list of rules or punish us when we did things badly?”

Her answer revealed her parenting philosophy. “Once you knew the right thing to do, I knew you’d do it…. because you loved me.”

Hmmmm.

I’ve often felt that same way toward God, wanting to please him with my daughter-behavior. When I fail, it impacts me greatly because of how much I love him. It’s interesting that after God set out 10 commands for his children to obey, Jesus condensed them into 2, both based on acting in love in response to his love for us. Maybe Mom had something there.

Nate and I raised our children with rules, insisting on regular chores, compulsory church attendance, spankings for defiant behavior, etc. Maybe we had to do it because there were so many of them. Or maybe the difference between our rules and Mom’s lack of them was that she was a kid-at-heart and we weren’t.

In any case, years after my towel-hanging exchange with Mom, I had acquired some bathroom towel bars of my own. And when she came to visit Nate and I, she always found neatly hung towels drying nicely.

But then 7 children joined us, requiring endless towel-hanging exchanges with them that were no fun to have. So we finally eliminated the whole problem. We took down the towel bars and hung 7 hooks.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind and…. Love your neighbor as yourself…. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

Happy Birthday, Nate…

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Margaret

Every year on your birthday I look forward to writing you, even though I know my letter can’t be delivered. In the back of my mind, though, there’s always the possibility that by God’s doing, you just might be able to read it.

In thinking back on this past year, I realize I haven’t had a single dream about you. I’ve talked with other widows who occasionally “meet” their men in dreams and cherish these encounters as if they were real events. I confess I too have put my head on the pillow hoping you might appear that night, but it hasn’t happened recently.

That’s ok, though, because the few times we’ve met in dreams ended with your contented departure and my fretful resistance to it. But if I could meet you for real, I’d ask about every detail of your life in Paradise. Scripture tells me you’re in the presence of Jesus, surely a rich place of worship and learning.

When Jesus was on earth, he taught crowds of people who often scratched their heads in confusion at what he said. But I’ll bet you understand him perfectly now. How glorious!

As far as your earthly family goes, last week I gained another birthday increase, once again celebrating without my birthday buddy. But I’m getting used to it, since you’ve been gone for nearly 4 years. I still don’t like it, but I no longer cry.

Our family continues to expand with the birth of grandson Andrew Kenneth last spring. With 4 children ages 4 and under, Katy and Hans sure do lead lively lives, but they’re well organized and tackle all of it together. You’d be proud of this son of yours, once so disorganized but now efficient and productive. I’ve just spent a week and a half with them, and it’s a good thing I took my vitamins before I got there!

When I write to you next summer, Linnea and Adam’s fourth baby (due in January) will have revealed his or her name, face, and personality. They’re hoping it will be another smooth home birth, and I’m hoping to be part of it! We’ll miss you in a special way as we rejoice over that new little life.

The rest of your family is thriving in multiple categories, although none of your kids or kids-in-law are free of challenges. Three are job-hunting, one is a full time university student, several are financially tight, one is about to launch a web site, and one has been offered a teaching position in missions.

Most importantly, each is steadily walking toward God. None of them have taken the giant leap you have, right into his presence, but none of them is standing still either. And it’s a daily encouragement that while you’re living face-to-face with Jesus and other believers in Paradise, Jesus is also living with us, through his Spirit.

I miss you every day, Nate, and am earnestly looking forward to the time when faith in Christ will become sight of him, because then we’ll all be together.