Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Nelson’s journal 6/9/22

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Physical pain is something all of us hate. When it comes, we try to get rid of it asap. At other times we can bear it, though it dominates body and spirit relentlessly. Nelson is in that place, enduring suffering while understanding that it comes with the territory—the cancer territory.

(A footnote: At the time, I don’t remember him complaining or highlighting his pain in any way. Most of the time we didn’t know he was suffering at all. He smiled broadly for every picture.)

One happy development is that baby Will has become more content, smiling often and winning the hearts of the medical staff.

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June 9, 2022 

Mayo Clinic.

Been dealing with draining lungs and doctors teaching these nurses to do it on me, which has been painful to say the least. I can barely stand it, but I’m trying to distract myself from the pain of the thing itself.

Physical pain goes so hand-in-hand with cancer, that it’s almost like you get desensitized to it.

 Annso said she will drain my lung from here on out, so that’s good. I’m glad there are solutions at least…even if it’s painful to get them to work right.

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“Call upon Me in the day of trouble.” (Psalm 50:15)

Nelson’s journal 6/6/22

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It’s been three weeks since Nelson last journaled, 21 days of unexpected change and increasing pain.

He, with Ann Sophie and baby Will, made the quick decision to leave YWAM open-endedly in order to pursue medical care for Nelson. Cousin Luke convinced them to move to Rochester, Minnesota, 80 miles from his home, to be treated at the Mayo Clinic.

On May 16, after packing two suitcases with clothes but taking nothing else, they left their Kona apartment and everything in it, as well as their jobs, their cars, and their history there. The destination was Luke’s house where he generously told them they could stay as long as they wanted.

 

I drove north from Michigan on that same day, meeting them at the Minneapolis airport with Luke. Their planned future had been erased, and whatever was going to replace it was unknown…all of it.

Job one was to find a place to live that was near Mayo’s. Nelson had looked at apartments on his laptop from his Kona hospital bed. 

So we started there, and secured a small two-bedroom apartment to call home—with literally nothing in it. 

 

 

 

 

But Luke came to our rescue yet again, providing multiple pieces of stored furniture he said he didn’t need. We were immensely grateful.

During these three weeks, Mayo was doing a thorough analysis of Nelson’s health. We learned it wasn’t lymphoma after all but was far worse: stage 4 lung cancer. Nelson was meeting with doctors and scan techs every day, giving blood and receiving a measure of breathing relief by having his lung drained repeatedly.

Even still, he’d suffered three more panic attacks, unable to get enough air. Each resulted in a rush to the ER, the last one requiring hospitalization.

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June 6, 2022 

Sitting in this hospital room for the second night trying to get a handle on the vomiting and pain caused by opiates and fluid in my lungs. They’ll put a stint in tomorrow morning so I can drain it on my own.

Lots of panic in the night time. Hard to keep my mind through it all. Been at the breaking point many times, hanging over the toilet and trash cans. It’s so painful and scary, but I know God is here somehow. =\]

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”The Lord himself will be with you. He will never leave you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Nelson’s journal 5/15/22

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As the dreadful reality of cancer sinks in, Nelson weighs his options and gets some counsel from a close cousin, Luke, who lives in Minnesota.

Ann Sophie struggles to make her own adjustments at the apartment, 20 minutes from the hospital, while tending to a month-old baby. Thankfully her midwife/friend was with her when Nelson called with the awful diagnosis.

The next day Ann Sophie called me, and when she said the word “cancer,” we wept together over the phone.

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May 15, 2022 

I’m at the hospital for the 4th night now. Last time I was admitted here was in 2003 when I was almost killed in that scooter wreck with Andrew. We were so reckless, and God was so kind. This time, I might be here because I was reckless too, but not recently.

Maybe the mass in my lungs is from smoking or any number of other things that could give you lung cancer. It’s pretty much what I have. You never think it will happen to you, even though you have a chest pain once in a while and think of worse-case-scenarios like that.

Then all of a sudden a doc calls me on the phone after looking at a scan and tells me, “We found a mass next to your heart and nodules without number in your lungs. Looks like general lymphoma.”

More tests and lots of coughing later, I’m here after having 1.3 liters of fluid drained from my right lung alone in a hospital bed. I’m enjoying the buzz of a couple pain pills as I stay here for the last night, hopefully.

It’s Annso’s birthday tomorrow, so I would like to be there for that if possible. She has been by to see me every day so far. Thank God she’s willing to do what she has to do to get in to be with me. It would be super lonely otherwise.

 

 

Last night I had this panic attack, because I felt I couldn’t get enough air. Even just sitting here, I was out of breath, and I was on oxygen. Luke offered to help us get into the Mayo Clinic if we want that, and we took him up on it, considering this island is so hard to make things happen on.

When it’s a dryer you have on order that takes 12 weeks to get here, and once it comes in, they don’t even call to tell you it’s in, you can laugh about it. But when it’s your cancer scan results and they don’t bother sending them to the other doc or just loose them all together, it’s hard to stick around and trust them with your life when there are other options.

I’m thankful, Lord for Luke and his generosity, for BBC and theirs [Brentwood Bible Church], and for a total change of plans. For everything. Not what I would have wanted, but you can use it. I wonder how it will be—like Papa? Or will I get better, at least for a little while?

NO one knows.

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“Every day of my life was recorded in your book…before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:16)