Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Stop the bleeding.

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Sharp!Baby Emerald was injured this week. As Birgitta and I were bent over an old photo album with her sitting between us, in a flash she’d stuck her finger in a Coke can and sliced it on the opening. Birgitta tried to hold a Kleenex on her tiny finger, but Emerald was quick to yank it away, and blood began dotting the clothes on both of them.

To speed the clotting process, we chipped some ice and put it in a baggie, but holding it next to her petite finger proved impossible. The only thing to do was bandage it tight, despite the smallest Band-Aid being far too big. As the bleeding continued, we taped two fingers together, placing one bandage over the tops and another around the knuckles, but immediately Emerald put both fingers in her mouth. Choking on a bandage would only compound our problems.

Emerald's wound

We decided to put Emerald in her front pack and take a walk while Birgitta held onto her hand, giving the wound a chance to seal. But every so often she’d yank it away and shove her fingers into her mouth. Her powerful baby-sucking, even for a few seconds, increased the bleeding, and her Band-Aids quickly soaked with fresh blood.

Our last idea was to find a shirt that was too big for her, pull the sleeve over her hand, and pin it closed. But as we watched, the sleeve and safety pin went right to her mouth. Choking on a pin would be even worse than on a Band-Aid.

The sleeve remedy

Meanwhile Emerald kept bleeding. So I got my sewing kit, and while Birgitta held her injured hand tightly, I stitched across the end of her sleeve. She immediately put the whole thing in her mouth, but after we insisted she suck her pacifier instead of her shirt, the bleeding finally stopped.

Neither of us would ever hurt Emerald intentionally, and seeing her bright blood on the tissues and clothing caused great alarm. Yet there we were, mopping up after she’d been injured in our care.

Bleeding fingers have much in common with bleeding hearts. We try to live uprightly, but then something happens that makes us “bleed.” We hurt badly and desperately want the pain to stop, so we try all kinds of remedies: surrounding ourselves with people, or isolating ourselves; going on a shopping spree, or being unwilling to leave the house; eating too much, or not eating enough; refusing to face our pain, or thinking of nothing else.

But do we take advantage of the best way to stop a bleeding heart? Right after the injury we should pour our pain out to the heavenly Father, because his healing power trumps anything we could do on our own.

As for Emerald, we removed the shirt and Band-Aids at bedtime, and healing had begun. Of course we all know who was the One behind that.

“The people all tried to touch Jesus, because power was coming from him and healing them all.” (Luke 6:19)

As Good as New

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Back in 1974, Nate and I took out a loan to fix my faulty teeth. Having just had our first child with a second on the way, we fell far short of the extra thousands needed for 4 root canals, their accompanying crowns, and a bridge.

Great teeth

Nate was fortunate to have inherited a good set of choppers, not even needing braces to straighten them. My teeth were a different story, a continual challenge with my first abscess and the related extraction while I was still in high school.

Our ‘70’s dentist was a good one, though, and his work lasted nearly 4 decades. As my new Michigan dentist said today, “You got your money’s worth.” I was visiting him to see what could be done about another split tooth whose crown had fallen off.

These days I seem to be in Dental Repair Phase #2, with a steady string of obligatory re-do’s. There is a silver lining to all this renovation, however. The last 4 decades have seen all kinds of developments in the dental industry, and as my dentist replaces yesterday’s old with today’s new, my teeth are gradually beginning to resemble Nate’s, morphing from greyish metal fillings and gold crowns to pearly whites that look like they’d never known a drill.

Maybe...

Back in 1974, I figured with all the work I needed that by my mid-60’s where I am now, I’d be sporting a full set of false teeth. But today my dentist assured me that won’t happen. And although my mouth is falling apart right now, by the time I hit 70 it may look and feel like the mouth in this picture.

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Actually that seems to be the rule. For example, as a praying mom I’ve learned not to box God in by asking him to meet my expectations of how and when he will answer. I know he hears my requests and am sure he’ll work out the answers, but it never fails that things seem to get worse before they improve.

That used to frustrate me and make me wonder if there was a better way to ask for God’s help. But he reminded me of something that spoke to the dilemma: surgeons use scalpels to help patients heal. In other words, they have to cause new hurts to fix the old ones. Dentists work that way, too, and I think God brings the answers to our prayers similarly.

If that’s true, after we ask him to get involved and then watch in shock as things fall apart, we ought to inwardly be rejoicing, because at that point his “fix” can’t be far away.

As I left the dental office today, it wasn’t all bad news. They helped me sell my old crown to a gold-buying guy, who gave me just enough to take a friend to lunch.

“Though you, God, have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again. As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” (Psalm 71:20)

Broken

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This morning it was a double-whammy. The heart pendant had been my Mom’s, and the gold chain had been Aunt Joyce’s. When Birgitta, Emerald, and I arrived at church, I hadn’t noticed that the necklace had slipped off. Even after today’s communion service, while brushing bread crumbs off my sweater, the necklace hadn’t crossed my mind. But when we arrived back at the car, the gold chain was hanging out of the car door, its crystal heart missing, and I remembered.

Aunt Joyce's chain

I got down on my knees to inspect the parking lot pavement under the car, behind the tires, under neighboring cars. Surely I’d find this pendant that was larger than a quarter and sparkling with flashes of light, but even back home there was no sign of it.

Mid-afternoon we decided to take a group walk with the dog, and that’s when we spotted it, on the way to the back yard to get Jack. Broken in two places, my lovely crystal heart was, indeed, sparkling in the sun, but sadly it was no longer wearable.

Broken heart

Life is full of unexpected disappointments. This one was small compared to many but was definitely an oh-bummer moment. What if the pendant had fallen to the floor one step earlier? It would have hit the soft back-door rug instead of concrete. Or, if it had slipped down just one moment later, it would have landed on the car floor mat. But it fell on that one particular footstep, which ruined it.

Isn’t that the way with many life events? After they happen, we play the what-if game, inwardly longing for a different outcome than the one we got. When we’re through with that, we move to passionate wishing by way of if-onlys, setting up scenarios of how it could have gone better than it did.

What’s wrong with thinking that way?

Several things, the first of which is that no amount of hindsight can rearrange what’s already happened. Second, focusing on what-ifs and if-onlys leads us to repeated feelings of regret and sadness. Third, getting stuck in what-might-have-been often eliminates future opportunities. And lastly, if we’ve given God charge of our lives, could it be that those things we wish hadn’t happened are the very things God wanted us to experience? And if that’s true, then shouldn’t we bear them willingly?

But that’s a tall order when it comes to accepting life’s bigger losses, whether it’s a career, a bank account, a home, a friendship, or worst of all, a person we love. But instead of what-ifs and if-onlys, the Lord wants us to consider thinking “as-is.” If he’s the one behind the events of our lives, accepting them as they are while asking him what to do next will lead to a far more satisfying result.

As for my damaged necklace, I think I’ll keep it…. as is. Even a broken crystal pendant sparkles beautifully.

“Let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” (1 Corinthians 7:17)