Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Obstructed

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Most of life’s crises begin so small they’re imperceptible. Whether it’s a cavity, a roof leak, or car trouble, in the beginning we know nothing.

Several months ago, I noticed our shower floor drain wasn’t draining as it should. Since this “beach shower” in the basement is the only shower we’ve got, I should have taken immediate action but ignored it for several more weeks. As it worsened, I thought pouring a gallon of bleach down the drain would help, but no.

Floor flood

More weeks passed, and the post-shower floor-puddle grew bigger and bigger. Eventually Nelson tried a plunger, followed by a toilet auger, then a liquid drain opener, and finally 25 feet of cable he purchased at Home Depot, hand-wound down the drain. But still it worsened with the water taking a full day to drain after each shower.

Eventually my neighbors came with a second cable, working in two linked floor drains, but the problem continued. We bought “the most powerful drain-unclogger in the world,” but the pipes responded by becoming 100% blocked.

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When any of us first become aware a problem is brewing and have a chance to take quick action, we often don’t.  Our reasons seem valid at the time:

  • My car’s been running great for 75,000 miles. That little noise is probably nothing.
  • I had a physical exam a month ago. If this new pain was significant, the doctor would have caught it then.
  • That spark in the wall outlet was just a one-time thing.

It’s easy to subscribe to the quasi-truth that “no news is good news,” at least until telltale signs of trouble pop up: a dripping noise under the kitchen sink, a thermostat unwilling to hit 70, a dog incessantly scratching himself. Instead of tackling the problem head-on, though, it’s simpler to hope it’ll correct itself.

But our hearts know better.

Spiritually we function in much the same way. Maybe we let a couple of white lies slip out, knowing they’re wrong but planning to correct them later. Then when we find ourselves in a lie-littered disaster zone, we regret indulging in that first little fib. Or maybe we fudge on a tax form, promising to catch up next time and end up with penalties and interest many times the size of our original bill.

God gave each of us an early warning system to help us stay out of trouble: a conscience. He’s moving us to take action the minute we think, “I shouldn’t be doing this.” If we ignore that and plunge ahead, we’ll be on our way to a mountain of misery.

How far can we go...

Today my relatives arrived with a 50 foot rented, motorized cable, but after 4 hours of back-breaking effort, our sign still says, “No showers allowed.”

Stay tuned…

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Leaning into Fantasy

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A dear friend from our old Illinois neighborhood called and left a message the other day. “I have some news for you.”

Our old house

Nate and I moved from there 4 years ago this month, selling our home after having had it on the market for over 4 years. But it took us about that long to get used to the idea of moving anyway. After living there nearly 30 years, it was tough to leave, but we loved the much-smaller cottage we were moving to in Michigan, a beach community that had been our family’s gathering place for 3 generations.

When I re-called my neighbor she said, “Would you like to move back to the neighborhood? Your old house is up for sale!”

That was about the last thing I’d expected to hear. The mid-20’s couple who’d bought our 6 bedrooms had planned to fill the rooms with children, and in the last 3 years had had 2 of them. Hearing that they wanted to move was a big surprise.

Our family had loved living in that century-old farmhouse with its secret closet, 2 stairways, strange attic, and other unique features, so my neighbor’s question was tempting. Move back to my old friends? Our beloved church and pastor? Shopping areas that were 1 mile away instead of 25?

It was a delicious thought.

But later, when Birgitta, Nelson, and I talked it through, the reality wasn’t as tasty. For one thing, Nate wouldn’t be there. He and I had done life together in that home, from weathering storms to bringing new babies there. Without him, that houseful of memories would seem empty and sad. And of course I don’t need such big digs.

Our kitchenTheir kitchen

Whether we like it or not, time keeps marching forward, and circumstances change, some for the good, some for the bad. We can’t go backwards hoping to recreate what we had. If what we had wasn’t good, we don’t mind. But if it was, we have to firmly deal with ourselves to make sure we don’t yearn for something that can’t be ours.

God’s counsel on this is to be future-focused, “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” (Philippians 4:13) In that same passage Paul says, “Our conversation is in heaven.” (v. 20,KJV)

Living and belonging there will be more important than anything we’ve known here, and it’s all still in front of us. Leaning backwards to recapture something that can’t possibly compare with what’s ahead is to set ourselves up for a big letdown.

And so, after we took a visual tour of our old house on Zillow.com, we stopped entertaining the idea of living there again and began listing the many reasons we’re glad God put us exactly where he did.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14)

Did you mean to be mean?

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Every young mom worries about the safety of her newborn, especially in that first month. Will I drop him? Will I accidentally scratch her with my nail? Will he fall off my bed if I nap him there?

But what about us grandmas? We wonder if we’ll stumble or even fall while holding the baby. What if we run out of energy or doze off unknowingly while on duty?

Not so safe

In other words, what if we cause harm without meaning to? I know the answer to that, because it happened to me this weekend. I should say, more accurately, it happened to Emerald.

Our little girl has grown to be 3 months old but has never had her nails cut. Birgitta knew it was time, having been repeatedly scratched by her “caresses.” So I decided to be a good grandma and buy a special baby-sized clipper, the one that had “Safety 1st” in its name. When clipping time came, Emerald clenched her dimpled fists, making her fingertips go white (the same color as her tiny nails). Birgitta just couldn’t do it.

photo(2)

Although I have no memory of clipping baby fingernails, surely I must have, so I volunteered. The first 3 fingers went well, and we heard the snip-snip of her soft nails, but the 4th finger snip didn’t make any noise. That’s because I’d inadvertently cut the tip of her finger, missing the nail completely!

As Birgitta worked to comfort her screaming, a rush of regret poured through me. Emerald’s first bleeding episode, and it was my fault. I lost 2 hours of sleep that night berating myself, though Birgitta didn’t lay blame.

Sadly, in a few days, Emerald will be hurt again, this time with a vaccination needle. Such “harm,” though, is carefully calculated and allowed to happen for a valuable purpose. Because of that, her mommy will be in favor of her “suffering” on that day.

God uses a similar logic. If we receive a bad medical report, or if an accident occurs, a financial downturn takes place, a hope is dashed, a relationship fractured, a job lost, God is allowing it. But he never lets it happen until he’s first assessed that it has a valuable purpose, much like Birgitta assessed the vaccination.

When life hurts, we can’t imagine why God doesn’t eliminate the pain, just like Emerald will be bewildered and upset at her upcoming doctor’s appointment. But Birgitta is going to orchestrate that, whether Emerald understands or not. The same goes for us.

So, what’s our best response? We should do just what Emerald did when I clipped her finger: she looked to her parent for comfort. We should turn to God in that same way, knowing he’ll never allow pain into our lives without a valuable purpose behind it…

Thinking it over...

…something far more important than well-trimmed nails.

“I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course. So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle.” (Jeremiah 10:23-24)