Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Slammed Doors

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Today’s date will always be important to me. It would have been Nate’s and my wedding anniversary, #43. Though we can’t celebrate the same way we did on this date for 4 decades, my heart is still celebrating that God brought Nate and I together in the first place.

By 9:00 am my thoughtful children began checking in with me, wondering if I was in need of comfort. Although I’ve been wearing Nate’s wedding ring on a necklace today, I can honestly say I haven’t been sad. “Grateful” is more accurate, because yesterday God showed me something special about my marriage to Nate.

Last night my women’s Bible study group met for the last session in a 10 week study called “Believing God.” Throughout the weeks we’ve been learning there’s a vast difference between believing in God and believing God. We’ve memorized 5 practical statements of faith:

  1. God is who he says he is.
  2. God can do what he says he can do.
  3. I am who God says I am.
  4. I can do all things through Christ.
  5. God’s Word is alive and active in me.

Each week we’ve stood and recited these 5 important facts at the beginning of our discussion group, and after 10 weeks, we can easily say them from memory. Personally, I hope I never forget them.

Our last homework week asked us to plot our lives on a timeline, placing large dots along the line to mark significant events. The goal was to note how God showed up again and again in our lives at important junctures and that he was there all along, even during the rough patches.

As I studied my completed timeline, God pointed out something new. His presence in my life hasn’t been just to open doors for me but also to slam them shut. As my finger traveled along the pencil marks, I suddenly realized how many catastrophes he’d saved me from by his closed doors, that they were equally as important as the ones he opened.

At the time, though, I suffered, sometimes crying out to God through tears, “How could you?!” One example was the break-up of a dating relationship with a non-believer that I dearly wanted to keep. But if that door had stayed open, I would have walked through it, eliminating the possibility of marrying Nate. And Nate was God’s choice of husband for me.

And so, as November 29th passes by one more time, I’m not sad. As I finger Nate’s wedding band, my only thought is gratitude. And I hope I’ve learned that when God closes doors in front of me, even the ones I really want to walk through, it’s only his way of marking my timeline with a great big blessing.

“Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path.” (Psalm 27:11)

That’s news to me!

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We’ve all heard the expression, “No news is good news.” In other words, since bad news travels fast, no new news probably means there’s no bad news, since that would come before good news, which then assumes all the news we haven’t yet heard is good. Whew!

Both good and bad news can take us by surprise, which is great with good news and awful with bad. When bad news does come, our responses tell a great deal about us. Do we panic? Despair? Jump to extreme conclusions?

As Christians we ought to be able to monitor our reactions by way of biblical truth. Believing that God travels with us through every bad-news-situation and that he won’t allow us to come into more than we can handle should be enough to stave off negative responses, but sometimes it just isn’t.

Eight weeks ago I got some bad news in the form of a secret from one of my kids. Katy and Hans called from England to ask for prayer about a serious matter, and I was more than happy to do so. Going into God’s throne room with my children is one of life’s highest privileges and a great way to sidestep anxiety.

Today I’m happy to report the Lord answered our prayers as we’d hoped, and the new news that wasn’t meant to be broadcast 8 weeks ago can now be joyfully told far and wide: Katy and Hans will welcome baby #4 in May!

But what about those times when news that comes to us is all bad and a rescue or change doesn’t occur? What if God chooses to let the bad stuff stand? What if our baby had miscarried?

I believe bad news is God-given opportunity to exercise our faith muscles. It’s a chance to prove to ourselves and him what we really think. Do we trust him like we say we do? Do we believe he acts on our prayers? Do we accept that he still loves us when the bad news is really bad?

If we can answer yes, then bad news shouldn’t throw us. So why does it? Maybe because we don’t have a pre-news strategy in place ahead of time. For example, we could determine that whenever bad news comes, we won’t speak until after asking God to control our words. Or we could tell ourselves we’ll search for blessings in the news. Or we could express quick thanks that God will walk with us through it.

Those responses are far better than fear or anguish. After all, much of what we first hear in a bad-news flash isn’t usually accurate, and the extremes we dread don’t often happen.

And once in a while, the news that looks all bad changes into something really wonderful…. like a brand new grandbaby!

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name… I will be with them in trouble…. I will rescue and honor them.” (Psalm 91:14-15)

Mending Mess-ups

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When I was 15, I pulled one too many pranks at summer camp and got sent home by the frustrated director. Although I was more than happy to get out from under his leadership at the time, I dreaded telling my parents what had happened, knowing they’d be angry with me.

The days that followed were full of tension as my folks laid out disciplinary restrictions, and worst of all, they made me apologize to the camp director for my bad behavior. Because he and his wife were friends of my parents, I had caused some significant embarrassment.

All of us mess up once in a while, or as in my case, more frequently. We misjudge situations, base our opinions on false information, act immaturely, or snap at people, all because we want our own way.

How does God feel when we act like this? Surely he’s disappointed, disgusted, even angry. But I have a hunch he holds out hope that with enough mess-ups, we’ll learn how to do better next time. One thing is sure: he doesn’t love us any less when we behave badly. Scripture uses the words “unfailing love” over 40 times to describe the way God loves us. This kind of love is trustworthy, consistent, and sure. And best of all, our mess-ups can’t possibly erode it.

My former camp director and I eventually bumped into each other many years after he sent me home… 47 years, to be exact. Truth be told, I’d felt badly about my behavior those many years and was grateful for the chance to mend the relationship. But while I was thinking of what to say to him, he beat me to it, asking if I would forgive him for sending me home from camp. And he said it in front of 250 people.

I followed that by asking him if he would forgive me. Before our very public conversation ended, we were both laughing, a sure sign that our messy history had been all cleaned up. Although it took nearly 5 decades to straighten it out, I’m pretty sure God was laughing that day, too, right after he’d breathed a great big sigh of it’s-about-time.

The camp director and I kept communicating for quite a while after our conversation and actually became sincere friends, surely the result of God’s loving work within both of us.

As for my parents, their love for me remained unfailing, too. My poor behavior hadn’t eroded it, and once that summer was over, they never brought up the incident again.

“Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” (1 John 4:7)