Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Hi Midge: from Birgitta

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As my children continue to weigh in on how they’re missing their father, below are a few thoughts from our youngest. Although Birgitta is 22 now, she was still a teenager when her father died, and because of that she’s grieved in a way different from the other six. Not knowing anyone else her age whose father had died made for a unique sense of isolation as she tried to adjust.

Here is her response to my recent inquiry about the 3rd anniversary of Nate’s death:

Hi, Midge,

Thanks for your email. I appreciate your sensitivity to us and how we’re dealing with Papa’s death, even 3 years later.

I think my grieving has progressed from dwelling on regrets and loss to appreciating the man Papa was and all the blessings he left us with. Of course there are still sad, difficult days, and I always think of November 3rd as one of them.

Papa feels especially distant this year, and I think my having a baby has been a big part of that. My whole life has been reshaped by Emerald, and he has been gone since long before her arrival. I think this is a very difficult and lasting consequence of losing a loved one. I don’t, however, want to discount his presence in my heart and mind as I’ve gone through and continue to experience life-changing moments.

I want to find a healthy balance between living in a world without Papa’s physical presence while carrying him with me in other ways. I think Papa’s absence has also led me to seek out a father/daughter relationship with God. And that is a continual process just like dealing with Papa’s absence is. I also think it has made me more aware and appreciative of all the relationships in my life. There’s a lot to be thankful for.

As you said, God has blessed our family exponentially. And He will continue to! Love you, Midge.

Love, Britt

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God deals with every individual one-on-one, because every set of circumstances and responses is unique. I’m especially thankful for this quality in the Lord, since grieving is such a personal thing with each person requiring a different form of tender help from him.

Hearing from my children as we begin another year without Nate has been a comfort to me, especially seeing how God has partnered with them along the bumpy way. As our heavenly Father steadily assures us through his Word, He is very near.

“[God] is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and exist.” (Acts 17:27-28)

 

 

 

 

Stop and Go

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What causes a woman to begin the process of laboring so strongly she can actually bring a baby into this world? The medical profession has a number of theories, none of which is scientifically conclusive, but all of them offer the same bottom line answer: no one knows.

Obstetric nurses will tell you women go into labor when there’s a full moon or a change in barometric pressure. Others might say it’s electrical storms, tornadoes, or hurricanes. A few insist labor begins when stars and planets align in a certain way.

But what do you do if everything within you longs to go into labor but you don’t? Self-help web sites offer all kinds of “natural” suggestions from castor oil to spicy foods to acupuncture, but results are mixed.

My favorite theory is the one that says labor is initiated by the baby herself. Science is speculating that maybe her adrenal gland releases cortisone, causing the placenta to convert estrogen to progesterone, which then produces prostiglandins, which cause the uterus to begin contracting.

If this theory is the correct one, it’s no wonder doctors can’t predict when labor will start. But even if that daisy chain of hormonal events is what triggers it, the baby probably can’t willfully signal her own adrenal gland to start the action. So, what or who does?

Of course it’s God.

I firmly believe he is present with his breath of life at every conception, and once a created being “gets started,” Scripture says it’s Jesus who holds it all together. Because of that, it seems logical the Trinity would be present and involved in the labor directive, “Now’s the time.”

Of course doctors can insist a birth take place by administering drugs, but often the woman’s body (and the baby) resist being rushed, making that known by increasing a mother’s suffering and pain through the labor process.

Contractions and their statistics (length and spacing) have been the conversational theme at our house since yesterday when we were sent home from the hospital with instructions not to return until pains were closer. So Birgitta had a 2nd night of misery, to which Louisa and I said, “Oh, that’s wonderful!” referring to her progress.

But the new day brought a new wrinkle: Labor stopped. Then hours later, it resumed. Then later stopped. And as I’m writing this, it has once again resumed.

Anticipation builds as Birgitta goes into her 3rd miserable night, and a verse from Ecclesiastes is looping in my brain: “God has made everything beautiful in its time.” (v. 11)

And it just isn’t time.

 

A Painful Wait

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The Garden of Eden has been on my mind today, especially the moment God told Eve her blatant disobedience would result in pain during childbirth. (Genesis 3:16) She wasn’t a mother and didn’t know what childbirth was, let alone a child, but she knew that whatever it was, it wouldn’t be good. She also didn’t know what intensity of pain God was talking about since she’d never experienced pain of any kind, but during her moments of discipline, she knew upcoming days would include some hardship.

Eve went on to bear many children in pain, and last night Birgitta got her first taste of what God meant. Painful labor contractions began while we sat at a birthday dinner for Lars in Chicago’s Loop. Mary and Bervin were hosting a meal for 12 at their condo, and immediately after Lars blew out his candles, we announced, “Birgitta’s in labor!”

Without thinking, every one of the guests rose to their feet simultaneously, an impulsive response to significant news. Old and young, male and female, we all know bearing babies is a really big deal. As we encircled Birgitta, her Uncle Bervin blessed her through a beautiful prayer, making sure to cover our newest family member, the little someone at the center of the birthing drama.

And then off we went to Michigan, a caravan of 3 cars: ours in the lead, Mary following (just in case we had roadside drama), Louisa and cousin Stina after that. My Highlander was already equipped with “a birthing kit” that included blankets (both baby’s and mama’s), towels, wipes, scissors, latex gloves, a flashlight, string, and a bulb syringe. RFA! *

Birgitta, valiantly breathing through frequent contractions, said, “I guess we should practice some of those breathing techniques we learned.”

“Yeah,” I said, “but I can’t remember! What were they?”

She reminded me, and I said, “I sure hope you can coach me through all this ok.”

Wanting to go home before the hospital to grab our overnight bags and to tend to Jack, the 3 cars gathered at the cottage. But just after we’d called the doctor and loaded the car, Birgitta’s labor began calming. Hospital personnel said, “Not just yet.” And so we waited. Through the night.

By morning, though, the pains were more regular, so off we went. But wishing doesn’t make it so. After hanging around the hospital for several hours without significant progress, the doctor suggested we head for home where Birgitta could continue laboring more comfortably. And so after 24 hours of excitement, today ends much as it began, with Birgitta laboring like a champion and the rest of us practicing patience.

I think Eve would be proud of my daughter’s courageous approach to “bringing forth children in pain.” And I know that the moment Birgitta meets her baby daughter, the whole drama will have been worth every single contraction.

“The earth [is] the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.” (Psalm 24:1)

*Ready For Anything!