Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Basement Blessings

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When I was 22 and single, I shared a small Chicago apartment with 3 roommates. Marti, Marsha, ClarLyn and I lived together in two bedrooms with one bathroom in perfect harmony.

I didn’t know any of them when I moved in but had heard they were three incredible young women looking for a fourth. Teaching school in Chicago’s Austin area, I was eager to be independent, so I moved in with them.

Our tidy apartment on the near north side had several unique features, one of which was a flight of down-steps immediately inside the front door. Another was iron bars on the ceiling-level windows. But we got a healthy break on the rent because it was a “garden apartment.” (Think basement.)

None of us minded living below ground level, because our basement was full of blessing. Relationships were good, laughter was plentiful and adventures were numerous. Looking back on those days, I can’t think of one negative.

Today I found myself back in a basement of blessing, the little basement beneath my cottage. It has needed my attention for 7 months, and on a 98 degree day, this cleaning chore I’ve put off indefinitely became coolly-attractive.

Although I anticipated bringing order to chaos, I didn’t anticipate uncovering blessings in the process: I found a big bag of groceries (non-perishable), cassette recordings of our preschool children, and the fiction book that convinced me to be a writer (in 7th grade).

“Raw” basements like mine have taken a bad rap. The dark, cave-like atmosphere most people dislike turned out to be a blessing to me today, a comfortable escape hatch from the heat. It was the perfect combination of staying cool while still getting something done.

How many other disguised blessings have I missed by avoiding the basements of life? These would be the low places no one wants to go, places that are emotionally cold and dark: hospital wards, funeral homes, poverty-stricken neighborhoods, homeless shelters, courtrooms, soup kitchens.

The highschoolers from our church just returned from a trip into these places, courageously participating in one uncomfortable situation after another. Stretching themselves to the limit, they made an effort not just to help those they found in life’s low places but to learn what it’s like to be there in the first place.

The report they brought back to the congregation was less about what they’d done for others than what others had done for them. In short, they came home carrying unexpected blessings found in life’s basement places. They also discovered that Jesus had beat them to these places and was busy unearthing blessings well before they arrived.

All of them learned it’s good to go to the basement.

My cottage basement blessings are small by comparison to those the high school kids found last week. But even tonight I’ll be enjoying still one more: a cool, dark night on a basement futon.

“Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.” (Proverbs 16:19)

A Fresh Perspective

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Through cyberspace relationships I’ve heard incredible stories of hardship coming to widows and widowers. One woman lost her husband, her mother and one of her children in the same 18 month period, and yet she perseveres.

While walking Jack today, I saw a great visual for this kind of resilience, a simple day lily growing on a hill. It looked every bit like it’d once been at death’s door but was now thriving.

The life-giving stem had been crimped, as if someone had tried to snap it off but failed to break it completely. Left hanging, it had gathered new strength through what little stem was left in tact and had reversed its direction. Today it was growing toward the sun and had put forth a fresh bloom.

The same can be true for people. Life’s load can force us low, but as we entrust ourselves to God, he prevents total breakdown. The question is, why does he let us get so close to complete collapse before rescuing us? Can’t he hear us “crying uncle” as we go down?

I can think of several reasons why severe adversity comes to us. They’re the reasons Christians usually give in an effort to bring comfort or understanding: (1) Life isn’t fair, and bad things happen to good people; (2) Disease and accidents occur because we live in a fallen, sinful world God never intended; (3) God allows trials so we’ll turn to him during the struggle; (4) Sometimes God takes people in death to save them from something worse; (5) God wants to show us he can bring good things out of bad circumstances.

Each statement contains an element of truth, and I’ve experienced bits of all of them through Nate’s cancer, death and my widowhood. But when a loved one is hurting or even dies, none of those answers bring much satisfaction.

More satisfying to me has been simply to accept the truth that I’ll never fully understand. Although God is omniscient and omnipotent, he makes the choice not to stop all evil, terminate all persecution, or heal all illness.

He could, but he doesn’t.

And that’s the part I don’t like and don’t get. It’s a disconnect from human logic. But then again, he’s not human.

The good news is, miserable circumstances are also a golden opportunity to trust God in spite of them. It’s a chance to increase my faith in him and overlay the negatives with the perfection and goodness of his character. He is without flaw, the topmost Being in existence. I can rail against him if I want, attacking, spewing anger, laying blame. But at the end of it I’d feel just as bad.

Strangely, it’s when the flailing and fighting has stopped that God pours his peace into troubled people. He may not change the circumstances, but he gives a new way to look at them.

And just like the damaged lily, we end up blossoming again, too.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” (Isaiah 43:2)

A Perfect Match

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I love the beach 365 days a year but especially on a day like today: 75 degrees, a light breeze, whitecaps and blasting sunshine.

While working from an old but comfy beach chair, God brought a distant memory to mind. Mom and I were walking together on the same stretch of sand, looking up at the dunes topped with greenery. It was a day like today except that it was 1955. The sky was then (just like today) a perfect example of “sky-blue.”

Without realizing it, Mom and I were thinking the same thing. “People say blue and green don’t go together,” she said. “But look what happens when God does it.”

If I’d known how to properly use the word “Amen” as a 10 year old, I would have. As it was, Mom planted one of those valuable line-on-line nuggets of wisdom in my young heart, and God’s Spirit caused it to take root. In the years since then, those roots have nourished an important idea:

God can do what people can’t.

It’s easy to apply that logic when mother and child are enjoying the scenery, but does it pertain to the monster-size crises of adulthood?

 

Examples abound:

  • An addict surrenders to a “higher power” and learns his name is Jesus, committing to sobriety and spreading that good news.
  • An abandoned child comes to Christ and grows up to lead a ministry dedicated to rescuing children from abuse.
  • An imprisoned criminal becomes a Christian, and hatred morphs into love.

These are real-life examples of people I know. In each case God combined two “colors” that wouldn’t rationally “go together,” and the results were spectacular:

  • Addiction/sobriety
  • Abandonment/rescue
  • Criminal behavior/loving actions.

So, what about the challenge of widowhood? The trouble-list is long: loneliness, fear, separation, sadness, and unwelcome change. What unlikely “color combinations” might God make available?

As we look at our list, we already know:

  • Loneliness/companionship
  • Fear/safety
  • Separation/togetherness
  • Sadness/joy
  • Change/assistance

The trick is to open ourselves to these out-of-the-ordinary combos, to actively look for them. Before our husbands died, loneliness wasn’t a problem; we had their companionship. If we were afraid, they protected us. We were together, and it was joyful. But now our men are gone and can no longer be these things for us.

And so we look to God. And what we see is his gentle, steady bringing of the things we miss. He provides the positive counter-balance to every negative, meets our needs and brings a “green” to enhance every “blue”.

The alternative is to refuse his help, which leaves us stuck in the misery of loneliness, fear, separation and sadness. That would be like Mom and me walking home from the beach with our eyes on the asphalt.

“My God shall supply all your need…” (Philippians 4:19)