A Picture of Health

Today I spent a frustrating hour seated on a stool in front of a Walgreen’s photo kiosk trying to order prints. I had two cameras, two different sized “cards” and only minimal understanding of how to work the machine. One of the cards needed an adaptor, plus I had two different coupons.

After interrupting the cashier for help six times, I got to the end of my order and muffed the coupon screen. This time she said, “I think I’ll get the manager, even though he’s on his dinner break.”

I’d probably be the laughable subject in the break room later on, but I didn’t care, as long as I walked out of there with my pictures.

The manager was a tall, 30-something “kid” with a winning way. While working on my “case” he punched enough computer buttons to write a letter, but eventually we got it sorted, and I got my 25 free prints. We were half way through the money transaction for the rest when he noticed my name on the order. “Nyman, eh? We might be related.”

“How so?” I said.

“I’m relatives with lots of Nymans from this area.”

We chatted for a few precious minutes of his dinner break when unexpectedly he said, “My dad died recently.”

I was surprised but put my purse and pictures on the counter and said, “When?”

“Three days before Christmas,” he said, looking down.

“Oh my. That’s really recent.”

“Yeah.”

“What did he die of?”

“Pancreatic cancer.”

Suddenly we were related. I learned his dad had had only eight weeks and that a cherished uncle had also died just a few days before his father. As he talked, his face was pinched with grief, and my heart grew heavy for him.

When the conversation finished, I said, “I’m so sorry about your dad and your uncle.”

He bowed his head and muttered, “Thanks.”

Driving home I felt queasy. While growing up, I hadn’t heard much about disease and dying. Now it’s everywhere, which must be part and parcel of being 60-something. Yet this young man was only in his 30’s. My kids were young, too, three in their 30’s, three in their 20’s, one still a teen. Although friends prayed for their dad to be healed, Nate died.

God has been called the great physician, the miraculous healer. I’ve learned, though, that he usually sidesteps physical ailments to focus on healing hearts. Dr. Luke describes a moment when the Jewish leaders were criticizing Jesus for associating with sinners and eating with “the riff-raff.”

Jesus gave them a sharp response: “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (5:31-32) His desire was to heal sin-sickness, because when that gets healed, eternal good health becomes a sure thing.

Today at the Walgreens counter, I wish I’d asked the young manager if I could pray for him then and there. People usually receive that gladly, and maybe it would have led to something significant.

Maybe I’ll take a few more pictures and head back to the kiosk with coupons that I’m not quite sure how to use.
“By his wounds you have been healed.” (1 Peter 2:24)

Cry No More

Half of me is in heaven, the Nate-half. Many of my thoughts have followed him there, and my questions seem never to end. It’s encouraging to know the answers will one day come, and in the mean time, I’m trying to keep my ears and eyes open. Just this week I learned something significant.

We all love the verse in Revelation that says, God will wipe away our tears. The same passage tells us he will also do away with sorrow, pain and death. But there’s one thing about this thrilling statement no one ever mentions. Scripture says the wiping away of tears will happen at the time of the new heaven/earth, and that won’t be our dwelling place until the end-times battles are over and Satan has been permanently defeated.

In other words, not yet. So Nate isn’t living in that new heaven but is definitely living with Jesus. It’s probably the place Jesus referred to as “paradise” when he was on the cross. I’m not worried about Nate, but I do wonder, has he been crying?

It’s very possible.

If God is going to wipe away tears, there will have to have been crying first. What would Nate be crying about? He no longer has cancer and has been freed from back pain. He’s living with the Lord, experiencing the ultimate in security and joy. So what would reduce him to tears? I may be off base, but the answer might be “himself.”

Technically I can’t speak for Nate, especially now that his life has been so dramatically altered, but I can speak for myself. When the Lord confronts me with my own mistakes, failures and deliberate sins now, before I’ve gone to paradise, I’m devastated and am often brought to tears. How will it be to have Jesus looking at me while I’m feeling like that? I know I’m eternally forgiven for those things, but I’ll be acutely aware of the lack of righteousness within me. Surely that’ll make me cry.

Scripture says Jesus will be the one to present me to God the Father as completely sinless because of his having taken all the punishment that should have been mine. Without him, I was destined for the God’s dreadful wrath. So, in that interim period between earthly death and the new heaven/earth, between arriving into Christ’s presence and being presented to God, I wonder if my tears will freely flow.

How could I look at the numerous scars my sin inflicted on Jesus, scars from whips, thorns, nails and a sword, and not feel like weeping?

The more I get to know Jesus, the more I’m sure those stinging tears will serve a positive purpose, because he promises to bring good from everything, even pain and sorrow.

So if Nate has been crying in paradise, and if some day I will too, I know it’ll all be for a good reason.

God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain…” (Revelation 21:4)

Force of Habit

Even on vacation, needs arise for routine errands to the grocery store, the airport or a gift shop. Today I was at the Sanibel post office to finish a few mailing tasks. When I walked back into the parking lot, without even thinking I went right up to a white Chrysler mini-van identical to the one I used to own. My clicker wouldn’t open the locks, of course, which let me know of my mistake. My red Highlander was the next car over but had failed to break the hold of “what used to be.”

All of us are creatures of habit. We find comfort in routine and like regularity in our schedules. Even children have a rut-like mentality that causes them to love a rut. For example, it’s taken all week for Skylar and Micah, ages 2 and 1, to adjust to their vacation home-away-from-home and to sleep past 5-something in the morning.

I’ve had trouble adjusting to Nate’s absence this week, because our Sanibel “habit” began with him in 1980 and continued many years after that. It was our routine, our tradition, the way it was meant to be. Being here without him includes a measure of emptiness and makes me wonder if we should even come back next year. Yesterday Linnea and I both got teary talking about it.

In the past year I’ve spoken with quite a few widows. No two stories are alike, but the one constant is a radical break in “the way we were.” To be married several decades is to come into a period of the relationship characterized by the word “comfortable.” The two of you have become one entity, and you both like it that way.

When death disturbs the routine, happy habits are forcefully broken. After a husband (or wife) dies, every life pattern changes, and adjustments never end. It’s like being in an airplane that’s been flying a straight course, when suddenly it begins doing loops, dives and spirals. It’s hard to get our bearings.

Death wasn’t God’s plan, and he never intended we’d have to adjust to it. Apparently he meant for Adam and Eve to continue forever in the perfection of Eden. But sinful choices deep-sixed that arrangement, bringing spiritual death immediately and physical death later on. The Eden routine surely must have been a hard habit to surrender.

After sin, the break from “the way they were” changed everything for Adam and Eve including their home, their neighborhood, their work and their walk with God. Separation. Division. Disconnection. The adjustments must have taken quite some time.

Old habits die hard. It was true back then and is true today. But Adam and Eve finally did adjust, and God stuck with them in their new life. That’s true for us today, too. As long as we live, change will yank us from our comfortable ruts and insist we adjust.

We see these disruptions as painful endings, but God views them as fresh beginnings. And he will help us.

The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things.” (John 14:26)