Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Sneak Peek #6

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Little children give moms lots to complain about. They’re messy, loud, demanding, and needy, and that’s just on the good days. Coping with all of this is enough to send a young mom into a tizzy. I (Mary) am going to do a little true confessing here, sharing a motherhood moment I regret to this day, forty years after the fact.

Julia and Karl, ages three and two, were playing happily in the bathtub while I ran back and forth from the next room, working on a project and occasionally checking on them. When it was time to get out of the tub, I instructed them to put all the toys back into the basket, and then I went back into the next room.

When I returned a few minutes later, they had done just the opposite of my instructions. They’d thrown the toys (along with lots of water) all over the bathroom floor, laughing hard at their fun idea. Because it was an overfull day and I was rushing, my response was far from ideal.

I swung my leg back and kicked a plastic truck as hard as I could, flinging it above their heads into the tub wall where it broke into pieces. And it gets worse. Rather than remorse over my anger, my thought was, That’ll show ’em! And I felt really good.

But several hours later I asked myself, What good did that do? What did I teach them by losing my temper as I did? Though neither of them remembers the incident, I certainly do, and I wish I’d shown more self-control. I missed an opportunity to model a quality character trait: forgiveness.

SIDEBAR: CHARACTER TRAITS TO MODEL

  • Integrity
  • Cheerfulness
  • Kindness
  • Patience
  • Gratitude
  • Diligence
  • Perseverance
  • Optimism
  • Forgiveness

In Memory Of….

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February 2019 is in the books now, along with Valentine’s Day. We widows don’t look forward to February 14th like we used to when our men were with us, but no widow ever forgets how things used to be.

Even though Nate was a big gift-giver, I don’t miss the gifts nearly as much as the giver… especially on February 14th.

This Valentine’s Day, however, included a lovely bright spot. I received a unique gift that was linked back to my favorite giver.

 

Linda is both an old and a new friend. We met 50 years ago in 1969, as newlyweds. What brought us together was our teaching assignments at the same southern Illinois grammar school. We carpooled that year and forged a happy friendship in the process.

After two years, though, she and I moved apart, and our lives filled with children, homes, and separate schedules. In a natural way, our friendship dimmed. But in 2017, we reconnected through my blog — and our friendship was reborn. It’s been rewarding getting to know each other all over again.

And that’s where Valentine’s Day comes in.

Collecting the mail one day, I wondered what a padded envelope from Linda might contain. Inside was a pretty Valentine card and a heartfelt note that had Nate’s name in it. She wrote, “I saw the thing that is in this package and thought instantly of you and Nate.”

I couldn’t imagine what it was but didn’t waste time guessing. Unrolling the red tissue, the first thing I saw was the back side of her gift. She’d written an inscription on the crème-colored stone, and these four words jumped out at me:

“In memory of Nate.”

 

It’s been years since anyone used those words in my hearing, and they touched me deeply, so much so that I broke into tears. No one remembers a man like his wife does, but knowing someone else was remembering him, too, surrounded me with comfort.

When I turned over Linda’s gift, I found a lacy red heart and the words, “I love our story.”

My sentiments exactly.

 

One widow friend told me recently the thing she most fears is that people will forget about her husband. With the passing of time, fewer friends mention him, and his face isn’t in any of their photos. No fresh stories surface about him, nor are there any memories that haven’t already been shared.

And maybe that’s why Linda’s gift meant so much to me. She suggested packing it away with my Valentine decorations, but I prefer keeping it next to Nate’s picture on my dresser, where I can see it every day.

“God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” (2 Corinthians 9:7)

When Dark Is Light

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Each part of a church service has a special significance, but the children’s sermon is one of my favorites.

On a recent Sunday, our pastor was doing a good job describing Jesus as the Light of the world when one of the children, age four, raised his hand. Having just heard all about the Light, he felt it was important to add something. “My favorite color is dark.”

Most pastors are good at handling this kind of spontaneity, especially when it comes from a child. After acknowledging the comment, Pastor Jay smoothly moved his words from darkness back to light.

That afternoon at home I was still chuckling over the morning’s comment when I remembered our first grandchild, Skylar, who would have appreciated that unprompted addition to the children’s sermon.

When she was only three (left), her Auntie Weezi asked her a question most kids love to answer. “Sky, what’s your favorite color?”

Skylar answered without even looking up. “Black.”

Most little girls are into pink and purple, but each child is allowed to have their own favorite. Skylar’s unusual choice gave us all a good giggle that day.

My next-door-neighbor, Linda, told me that when she was a child walking home in the dark, she was never afraid. Instead she looked into the inky blackness around her and thought about the interesting things that might be hidden in the darkness – good things. She probably would have nodded in agreement to the favorites of dark and black.

Some of my widowed friends (including me) have experienced the opposite perspective on darkness. After becoming widows, we might find our imaginations allowing fear to creep in, uninvited. This is when we need to turn to God to get his opinion. He created darkness as well as light and surely isn’t biased against either one.

His explanation to me has been that the black of night is not the problem. Rather it’s the fear. And fear is never, he says, from him. It’s a tool of the devil who uses it to knock us off balance emotionally. God tells us there’s no darkness in him at all (1 John 1:5) and that he’s not afraid of it. As a matter of fact, darkness looks light to him (Psalm 139:12). The only darkness that should concern us is spiritual darkness – not knowing the truth of salvation.

As for fearing the black of night, it might help to spend more time hanging around those youngsters who love both black and dark.

“For you are my lamp, O Lord, and the Lord will lighten my darkness.” (2 Samuel 22:29)